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# - A - B - C - D - E - F - G - H - I - J - K - L - M
N - O - P - Q - R - S - T - U - V - W - X - Y - Z
Numbers
A
aaronburr
- Guy: (muffled): "Aarron Burr!"
Radio Announcer: "Excuse me?"
Guy: "Aaron Burr. Hold on, let me get some milk. MILK!"
Announcer: "Ohh, I'm sorry, your time is up." ::click:: ::dial tone::
Guy: (sadly) "Aaron Burr..."
Milk Comercial
addictedconflict
- Foreman: "You're addicted to conflict."
House: "Did they change the name?"
House // Forever
addressingmyself
- Sharon: "Excuse me. Have you *ever* been to a class?"
Rayanne: "Excuse *me*. I was addressing myself."
My So-Called Life // Self Esteem
adultlookupto
- Angela: "He's like...he's an adult I can look up to. Finally. What?"
Graham and Patty: "Nothing."
My So-Called Life // The Substitute
ageappropriate
- Sandy: "Just so you know, these dinosaur toys aren't really age appropriate."
Ross: "They're mine."
Sandy: "Oh. Also not age appropriate."
Friends // The One With The Male Nanny
agreedpersonality
- Angela: "It just seems like, you agree to have a certain personality or something. For no reason. Just to make things easier for everyone. But when you think about it, I mean, how do you know it's even you?"
My So-Called Life // Pilot
allwhores
- Mya: "You people are all whores!"
Just Shoot Me
aloneforyears
- Angela: "Rickie, I'm sorry, I have to be alone."
Rickie: "You've been alone."
Angela: "No, I mean for, like, years."
My So-Called Life // Betrayal
alphabetmood
- Jael: "How many letters are in the alphabet?"
Natasha: "Depends on my mood."
America's Next Top Model
amber rayanne sedated
- Amber and Rayanne singing "I Want to Be Sedated".
My So-Called Life // On The Wagon
americanspanishguys
- Amanda: "Spanish guys and American guys are very similiar. They all have the same jokes and stuff. But American guys smell better."
America's Next Top Model
analfissure
- House: "Hey, how's that anal fissure? Did it heal yet, or is it still draining? Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize he came back for seconds. I figured that after that girl in the stairwell you'd be done for the night."
Chase: "He's joking."
House: "No Adam's apple, small hands. No surprises this time."
House // All In
angelacryred
- Angela crying under "Red".
My So-Called Life // Why Jordan Can't Read
angelaonel
- Angela: "And by the way, I spell my name with one 'l'."
My So-Called Life // Self Esteem
angelinajoliemom
- Cameron: "Who was that?"
House: "Angelina Jolie. I call her “Mom.” Who thinks that’s sexy?"
House // Daddy's Boy
angryvirgin
- Sally: "I'm a big angry virgin, and I'm happy about it!"
Third Rock from the Sun
annefranklucky
- Ms Mayhew: "Anne Frank perished in a concentration camp. Anne Frank is a tragic figure. How could Anne Frank be lucky?"
Angela: "I don't know. 'Cause she was trapped in an attic for three years with this guy she really liked?"
My So-Called Life // Pilot
annefranksophomore
- Graham: "Um, how's school?"
Angela: "I'm starting to like 'Anne Frank'."
Graham: "Is she a sophomore too?"
My So-Called Life // Pilot
annoyingdana
- Rayanne: "Dana. She's got, hey, she's got hair tails, and then three little studs in each ear. She used to wear her eyeliner pointy like catwoman, now she wears it smudged. And her feet are the perfect kind, they're small with the really high arch."
Rickie: "So, what about her?"
Rayanne: "Nothing, she just annoys me."
My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark
anonymoussex
- Vic: "And don't fear exposure. No one is to put his or her name down. This will be completely anonymous."
Rayanne: "Just how I like sex."
My So-Called Life // The Substitute
answeryourass
- Jaye: "So, why do you have an ass if you don't answer it?"
Wonderfalls // Wax Lion
antibioticspain
- Foreman: "The biopsy will tell us for sure what's wrong."
House: "The antibiotics could do the same thing."
Foreman: "Could, not will."
House: "We try, we see..."
Foreman: "The antibiotics will bring back the pain!"
House // Euphoria
antisemantic
- Moriarty: "You don't care if you live or die?"
House: "I care because I live. I can't care if I'm dead."
Moriarty: "I don't wanna hear semantics."
House: "You anti-semantic bastard!"
House // No Reason
antmchocolate
- Bre: "Sometimes I come home late at night, and I pick up nice piece of ANTM chocolate. I love...mmmmm. ANTM chocolate. This is awesome."
America's Next Top Model
anythingfortendollars
- Phoebe: "Do you have anything in here for $10?"
Jeweler: "Uh, yes. I have these two, rather beautiful, five dollar bills."
Friends // The One With The Ring
anythingme
- Angela: "Then everything started to seem perfect, for some reason. The feel of his shirt against my elbow. The fact that I still had an elbow. It was the perfect moment for him to kiss me...for him to anything me."
My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark
appalledithink
- Wolf: "If I get eliminated tonight, I'll be appalled. Is that a bad word? It don't mean something good, do it?"
I Love New York 2
arrowgeniuszone
- Rayanne: "What is holding hands? I don't get it. What are hands? It's not even an arrow-genous zone."
Sharon: "Erogenous."
My So-Called Life // Self Esteem
artistsscrewourselves
- Jane: "See, we're like artists. And this is how we screw ourselves."
Daria // Monsters
aslongasyoudontdropit
- Trent: "No problem. I needed a break anyway. I've been practicing for ten hours straight."
Jane: "Daria, would you say sleeping with a guitar in your hands counts as practicing?"
Trent: "As long as you don't drop it."
Daria // The Invitation
assassass
- Chance: "Give me a hug, bitch, please. I ain't hugging your ass. I already done slapped your ass, shook your ass, tapped that ass. Man, get your ass up out of here."
I Love New York
assfreeze
- Don: "Ass right there, freeze hole!"
Third Rock From the Sun
assjuice
- George: "It tastes like ass. Try that."
Mason: "I'm trying to stay off the arse juice for now, but, you know, thank you."
Dead Like Me // Send in the Clown
assringing
- Jaye: "Your ass is ringing."
Eric: "My ass rings a lot."
Jaye: "You ever think about setting it on vibrate?"
Eric: "I don't think I'm secure enough in my manhood to do that."
Wonderfalls // Wax Lion
assumepainintheass
- House: "What's that saying? When you *ass*ume, you become a pain in the ass to me?"
House // Forever
ateherfamily
- Miss Li: "How do you know it wasn't for her family?"
Jane: "She has no family. She ate them."
Daria // Cafe Disaffecto
autopsylivingperson
- House: "Is it still illegal to perform an autopsy on a living person?"
Cuddy: "Are you high?"
House: "If it's Tuesday, I'm wasted."
House // Autopsy
avoidanymore
- Daria: "Are you avoiding me?"
Jane: "Uh...not anymore?"
Daria // The Misery Chick
B
baboonsassbackside
- Santino: "She looks like, like a baboon's ass exploded on her backside."
Project Runway
babyclothes
- Trudy: "You know, I collect baby clothes that I buy on sale. Just in case."
Guy: "You collect baby clothes?"
Reno 911
babyfoodcoupons
- Dr O'Neill: "That's the last of them. Now, normally, this is where we'd fit you for dentures. But you're a teacher, right?"
Mr DeMarteno: "Mm hmmm."
Dr O'Neill: "Okay, then, here's some baby food coupons."
Daria // Legends of the Mall
babyhydrolift
- Henry: "This guy with pliars comes in, probably with safety goggles, maybe some sort of fire retardant coverall. He starts doing his thing, twisting and turning. There's all sorts of fluids just squirting all over the place. Then this hydrolic lift comes into play, wheeling everything out of there. There you have it, alright?"
Young Shawn: "Wait, that's how babies are born? With a hydrolic lift?"
Henry: "More or less, yes."
Psych // Rob-a-Bye Baby
babyout
- Will: "Let's start with his stomach. It's soft, like a baby's. And like a baby, HE JUST CAME OUT!"
Will & Grace // Gay it Forward
backseatdriver
- Danielle: "Hotel. Right here. Hotel, fast. Vroom vroom. Got to go. Hotel. You understand me, right there. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Hotel."
America's Next Top Model
Bacon
- Dog: "Only one thing smells like Bacon, and that's Bacon. It's Baaaccoonn!"
backstabjew
- Trudy: "Rainesha Williams... is a loudmouth, backstabbing... Jew. I wanna say Jew, but I think she's in fact very openly Catholic, which I have a problem with, too."
Reno 911
badgayman
- Will: "Am I a bad gay man?"
Grace: "Yes."
Will: "How can you answer that so easily?"
Grace: "Because yesterday when I saw you that you didn't leave me any milk for my coffee, I remember thinking, 'Bad gay man! Bad gay man!'"
Will and Grace // Will Works Out
badpokergoodhooker
- Cameron: "Why would you need $5,000?"
Chase: "Bad night at poker or great night with a hooker."
House: "Thank you for saving me the trouble of deflecting that personal question with a joke."
House // Daddy's Boy
bananafucker
- Lisa Kudrow: "Meet Princess Consuela Banana [BLEEP]."
Paul Rudd: "You can't change your name to banana [BLEEP]!"
Friends // The Gag Reel
bballplayercollege
- Cameron: "Do you have any idea what it feels like to have a 6 foot hose shoved into your large intestine?"
House: "No. But I now have a much greater respect for whichever basketball player you dated in college."
House // Sleeping Dogs Lie
beckyvagina
- Becky: "The teacher told me that she could see my little vagina."
Instructor: "We don't want to see your...Britney, let's say."
Becky: "I ain't trying to show my little vagina to nobody."
Charm School
beenwithwoman
- Mouth-Breather: "Oh, please! Don't kill me! I can't die! I've never been with a woman!"
Robber: "You!"
Sharon: "I have been with a woman!"
Wonderfalls // Caged Bird
befriend
- Dick: "I find you pompous, judgemental, and completely self absorbed! Would you be my friend?"
Third Rock from the Sun
beggarsbooze
- Jane: "Well, that's not exactly an apology, but you know what they say about beggars."
Trent: "That they'll only spend it on booze?"
Jane: "Whatever."
Daria // Is It College Yet?
behaveexdrugaddict
- Rube: "You wanna be an ex-drug addict, why don't you behave like one, huh?"
Dead Like Me // Send in the Clown
bellyprostitute
- Daisy: "That young woman is going to give her heart to a nice young man who has reading glasses and a tweed jacket and who has never done blow off the belly of a dead prostitute."
Dead Like Me // Sunday Mornings
bendover
- Dennis the Menace: "Okay, bend over!"
bendoverfordestiny
- Jaye: "We might as well go ahead and bend over for destiny now."
Wonderfalls // Caged Bird
betweennames
- M.C.: "The first group is, um called, um, um, Frozen, uh, this was...What is this?"
Jordan: "Uh, that's not our name."
M.C.: "Embers?"
Jordan: "We're, uh, between names."
M.C.: "Between Names."
Man: "All right, Between Names."
My So-Called Life // On The Wagon
beyourselfsortof
- Daisy: "Just be yourself."
Mason: "Okay."
Daisy: "Only smarter, richer, more successful, clean shaven, and I'm guessing a bigger cock."
Dead Like Me
bigandtopsecret
- Shawn: "Do you realize what this means? It means we're taking it to the next level. She said 'big' and 'top secret', that's two of our favorite 80's movies!"
Psych // Rob-a-Bye Baby
bigbutt
- Bart: "Will the owner of the great big butt please move it out of my face?"
The Simpsons
bigdealfleshwound
- Rayanne: "What is the big deal? I mean it's not like anybody even got a flesh wound."
My So-Called Life // Guns n Gossip
bigfatturd
- Sarah Michelle Gellar: "I hate you, you big fat turd!"
Saturday Night Live
biggercocksucker
- Mason: "I've had my ass kicked by bigger cocksuckers than you."
Dead Like Me // Death Defying
billclintonschoolgirls
- Sapphyri: "I'm thinking, who could this be? Bill Clinton? He likes school girls."
Charm School
bingbong
- Finch: "Crank it, spank it, smack it on the bing bong!"
Just Shoot Me
bionic
- Sound from The Bionic Man.
birdpimp
- Jaye: "I've never seen anyone work so hard to get someone else laid in my entire life. You're like the total mack daddy bird pimp."
Wonderfalls // Safety Canary
bitchdumbass
- Mr Jay: "Bitch! Dumbass!"
America's Next Top Model
bitchslaplaw
- Jack: "I bitchslapped the law and the law one."
Will & Grace
bitchtroll
- Joanna: "Oh, you little bitch troll from hell."
Absolutely Fabulous
bittersdoom
- Ms Bitters: "As I was saying, the universe is just DOOMED. Doomed, doomed, dooooooomed!"
Invader Zim
blessunion
- Karen: "I'm seeing Malcolm now. I want you to accept that and bless our union."
Jack: "I can't do that!"
Karen: "Bless it!"
Jack: "No!"
Karen: "Bless It!!"
Jack: "No!!"
Karen: "ACHOO!"
Jack: "Bless you!"
Karen: Ha ha ha!"
Will and Grace // Steams Like Old Times
bloatedidiot
- Ren: "You fat, bloated idiots!"
Ren and Stimpy
blueclu
- The mail song from Blues Clues.
Blues Clues
bodiesandfaces
- Barry: "Are gay guys only about bodies and faces?"
Jack: Absolutely not. They're only about bodies. Faces you can cover up with a cute hat or leather hood."
Will & Grace // Attack of the Clones
boing
- Beavis making the boioioioioing sound.
bonesbighead
- Parker: "My dad knows a burgers place."
Booth: "Yeah, I used to take him there after his t-ball. Tell Drew about the burgers."
Parker: "He says they're as big as my-"
Booth: "Head!"
Bones // Mother and Child in the Bay
bongwater
- Chick: "I'm thirsty."
Guy: "There's bong water." ::giggling::
Chick: "Bong water!"
Sex in the City
bornyesterday
- Jordan: "That's uh...I mean, that's Angela's."
Brian: "Um, Shouldn't it prove that she's 21?"
Jordan: "So?"
Brian: "So according to this she was born yesterday."
My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark
borrowsixthousand
- Quinn: "I need to borrow six thousand dollars."
Daria: "I don't have six thousand dollars."
Quinn: "It's an emergency!"
Jane: "Well, if it's an emergency-"
Daria // Too Cute
bowlingblow
- Delores: "Think of bowling as two and a half hours a week where you won't have to think about sucking blow through a bendy-straw off a fast food restaurant sink."
Dead Like Me // My Room
bowlweirdos
- Gonzo: "I thought this was bowling for weirdos!"
boygeorge
- Will: "Boy George, I think he's got it!"
Will & Grace // Attack of the Clones
braincrotch
- House: "When guys have brain/crotch problems, it’s usually the result of using one too much and the other too little."
House // Sex Kills
braindamagecoffee
- House: "I take mine black. The way I take my brain-damaged neurologist."
House // Forever
breakhip
- Phoebe: "If you don't meet her now, you're gonna be kicking yourself when you're 80, which is hard to do, and that's how you break a hip."
Friends // The One With Barry and Mindy's Wedding
breastsbetween
- Angela: "The sad truth is, my breasts have come between us."
My So-Called Life // Pilot
breastsenlarged
- Kid: "What do you do when you're not working?"
Sarah Michelle Gellar: "Oh. You know, shop, go to the movies, and get my breasts enlarged."
Saturday Night Live
brettscent
- Heather: "I really need to go shower, but I don't think I want to take his scent off me. I think I'd rather just sit here and...can you smell it? Can you smell him on me?"
Rock of Love
bringittolife
- Karen: "What's going on? What do I do? How do I bring it to life? Oh, wait, that sounds like me on my wedding night!"
Will and Grace // Alley Cats
britnkevromnjul
- Britney: "Oh, Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou, Romeo?"
Kevin: "I'm right here, babe."
Britney: "Deny thy father, and refuse they name. Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no long be a Caplet."
Kevin: "Hey! Yo! I'm down here. Check it out."
Daria // Cafe Disaffecto
bunny
- The Bunny song from Veggie Tales.
bunnymeth
- House: "It could cause her to twitch like a bunny on crystal meth."
House // Histories
bunnywabbit
- Sally: "I know, he's my wittle bunny wabbit!"
Third Rock from
the Sun
byob
- Mr. DeMartino: "Jonestown: one charismatic leader exerting his demonic will over scores of followers. What lesson can we take from this tragic example of herd-like behavior? Kevin?"
Kevin: "Uh... BYOB?"
Mr. DeMartino: "Please return to your stupor, Kevin..."
Kevin: "Okay!"
Daria // Pinch Sitter
C
callhelp
- James: "Oh, God, call for help."
Trudy: "Help. Help."
James: "Use your goddamn radio. Oh, son of a bitch."
Reno 911
callmedot
- Man: "So, we meet again, Princess."
Dot: "That's Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bo Besca The Third but you can call me Dot."
Animaniacs
calmdowncrazy
- Mr Jay: "Calm down. This is the crazy scene."
America's Next Top Model
cantaccuselying
- Mr Demartino: "Perhaps you would like to share with us your knowledge in this matter."
Kevin: "But I don't know anything!"
Daria: "Can't accuse him of lying there."
Daria // Murder She Snored
cantcallshotgun
- Shawn: "Shotgun!"
Gus: "You can't call shotgun in a blimp!"
Shawn: "You can call shotgun everywhere except a crowded movie theater."
Psych // Rob-a-Bye Baby
cantgetitin
- Brian: "I can't get it in, hold on."
Rayanne: "Rookie."
My So-Called Life // Weekend
cantgoanywhere
- Jordan: "Get in."
Angela: "I...I...I can't ...go anywhere...I mean I should stay here...Uh, it's a long story."
Jordan: "I didn't say go anywhere."
Angela: "Oh. Ok."
My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark
canthavenicethings
- Jaye: "I let him go. I had to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I wanted to keep this one. Why can't I have nice things?"
Wonderfalls // Caged Bird
capitolhill
- Brain: "We must head to a place where overweight, middle-aged people go to party and throw away money."
Pinky: "Capitol Hill?"
Pinky and the Brain
cartoonswillruinyourmind
- Ren: "Listen to me, man. I'm your friend. Don't you know cartoons will ruin your mind? Look what it's done to your brain!"
Ren and Stimpy
casualroughsex
- House: "What else turns you on? Drugs? Casual sex? Rough sex? Casual rough sex?"
House // Deception
cattleprod
- Jane: "Questoning a suspect is more fun with a cattle prod."
Daria: "What isn't?"
Daria // Murder She Snored
causeaseizure
- House: "Strobing lights and high-pitched sounds can provoke a seizure. [Proceeds to spaz out]"
House // Euphoria
cellulitehandicap
- Woman: "I saw you parked your jag in the handicapped spot, Sarah. Is cellulite now a recognized handicap?"
Dead Like Me // The Shallow End
cemetarydepressing
- Brittany: "I wish they'd get the funeral over with. This cemetary's kinda depressing."
Jane: "Maybe they should get rid of all the dead people."
Brittany: "Good idea!"
Daria // Murder She Snored
chaseshrine
- House: "She’s got pictures of you in here. Just you and…it’s like some kind of weird shrine."
Chase: "You’re kidding."
House: "Yeah."
House // Humpty Dumpty
chattin
- Darlene: "Just sittin' around with the girls, eatin' salads, chattin' about sore nipples and waitin' for the prozac to kick in."
Roseanne
cheercult
- Mr DeMartino: "Can anyone give me another example of a group using coercive techniques such as peer pressure, chanting, and social isolation to achieve control over its members? Brittany?"
Brittany: "Cheerleading?"
Daria // Pinch Sitter
cheeronyourown
- Angela: "Like cheerleaders, can't people just cheer on their own, like, to
themselves."
My So-Called Life // Pilot
cheeseburger
- Jim Belushi: "Cheesburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!"
Saturday Night Live
chickbiology
- Kevin: "Daria, you're a chick, right?"
Daria: "Why? You have a Biology test today?"
Daria // Cafe Disaffecto
chicken
- Gir: "CHICKEN! Hee hee hee hee hee! I'm gonna eat you!"
Invader Zim
chickenpot
- Chick: "The chicken wings! If they see billions of chicken wings, they're gonna know! We were smokin' the pot!"
Sex and the City
chickensoupstupid
- Daria: "Oh, I know that book. Chicken soup for the stupid."
Daria // Groped by an Angel
chickenwings
- It: "We never chilled and ate chicken wings on a bench, or ate french fries outside on a bench in the projects, you know what I'm saying?"
I Love New York 2
chocmarshbunnies
- House: "Me, I'm a freak. I get off on not being in pain. That and chocolate-covered marshmallow bunnies."
House // Love Hurts
chocolate
- Homer: "Mmm....chocolate...."
The Simpsons
chokeabitch
- "Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?"
The Dave Chappelle Show
cinderellie
- Phoebe: "Build the unit, Cinderellie. Lay the tile, Cinderellie."
Friends // The One With Frank, Jr
clicheshappen
- Graham: "Cliches happen."
My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark
clifforclint
- Quinn: "Yes, on a date! But we're in love, and all the rules and regulations in the world can't stop that!"
Jake: "In love?!"
Helen: "With who?"
Quinn: "His name is Cliff. No, wait, it's Clint. I'm not positive, but I can find out in school."
Daria // The Big House
Clone
- "If I had a clone, I'd make out with myself."
Sarah Michelle Gellar from The View skit on SNL
cloudskill
- Shawn: "Because clouds don't kill people, people kill people."
Psych // Cloudy, Chance of Murder
Coffee1
- "Where the hell do you get the nerve?! You invite me up for cofee and then you don't call me back for 4 days? I don't like coffee! I don't have to come up! I'd like to get one more shot at the coffee just so I could spit it in your face!"
Seinfeld
collectfakeid
- Angela: "What's the plan?"
Rayanne: "You are goanna so love having a fake ID. I like collect them. I'm addicted."
My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark
collegefund
- Ms Li: "Show your school spirit and dip into your college fund. Thank you!"
Daria: "Now I'll never be able to buy that college."
Daria // Just Add Water
complainalot
- Daria: "Do you think I complain a lot?"
Tom: "What are you bitching about now?"
Daria // Fizz Ed
constipator
- George: "Do you not like me anymore?"
Rube: "Not right this minute. You're a constipator, peanut. You disturb my shit, and that's annoying."
Dead Like Me // Reapercussions
contact
- Brian: "Finally, an erection from actual physical contact."
My So-Called Life // Life of Brian
contractwithsatan
- Kid: "Britney, what is a normal day in your life like?"
Sarah Michelle Gellar: "Oh, the same as any kid. You know, I wake up around noon, go for a bikini wax, have lunch with my publicist, take a Tai Bo class with N*Sync, and then I meet with my attorneys to see if they can get me out of my contract with Satan."
Saturday Night Live
cookiehead
- John Cleese: "You have the head of a cookie. I want to eat
you."
Third Rock From the Sun
cookiesnporn
- Ross: "Cookies and porn. You're the best mom
ever!"
Friends // The One with Rachel's Crush
coolnslutty
- Sharon: "What, like you're not *cool* enough for him to like be seen with you?"
Rayanne: "Exactly, and she's not slutty enough for him to just do with her ragged to his buds."
My So-Called Life // Self Esteem
corpseportrayal
- Mr Demarteno: "Your ridiculous portrayal of a corpse is an insult to widows and orphans and me!"
Daria // Murder She Snored
couldakilledhim
- Angela: "I could have killed him."
My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark
couldyousiren
- Rayanne: "Could you do the siren? Please, please, please."
My So-Called Life // Pilot
courtroomgroupie
- Shawn: "Please tell me you're not one of those courtroom groupies that bounces from trial to trial. Wait a second, was that you at the Michael Jackson hearing with the sequined glove and the shirt that said 'Free the man in the mirror'?"
Psych // Cloudy, Chance of Murder
coverzit
- Brian: "That's right, cover that zit."
Angela: "Want me to do yours?"
Brian: "Oh, that hurt."
My So-Called Life // Pilot
cprondad
- Jack: "I know CPR."
Karen: "You know CPR?"
Jack: "Oh yeah. I had to do it on my father when I told him I was gay."
Will and Grace // Alley Cats
crackheadhasstereo
- George: "You couldn't have called?"
Mason: "Oh, I wanted to play a record."
George: "What's wrong with your stereo?"
Mason: "Well, the crackhead I sold it to has it."
Dead Like Me // In Escrow
crazyfuckingfuck
- Mason: "Crazy fucking fuck."
George: "Oh, how I wish the words would roll off my tongue as they do yours."
Dead Like Me // Send in the Clown
crazylikeastraw
- Chandler: "Is she crazy?"
Monica: "Like a straw."
Friends // The One Where No One's Ready
crazysataniccult
- Angela: "Are you crazy? Were you raised in a satanic cult?"
Rickie: "She wishes."
My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark
creamofbs
- George: "What's the soup today?"
Rube: "Cream of Bullshit."
Dead Like Me // Reapercussions
creepytrain
- Shawn: "Dude, he put you on the creepy train headed for creep island where the natives drink creep nectar out of creepy coconut shells..."
Psych // 9 Lives
crisis
- Butthead: "I have a crisis. In my pants.
Beavis and Butthead
cruelandunusualhell
- Mr DeMartino: "Sitting in circles, stupid SONGs. Arts and CRAFTS. Cruel and unusual HELL!"
Daria // Is It Fall Yet?
crushhead
- Guy: "I'm crushing your head!"
Kids in the Hall
cryptlaugh
- The crypt keeper's laugh.
Tales From the Crypt
curedeath
- Chase: "You want us to do a deferential diagnosis on a dead person?"
House: "We're going to cure her."
Cameron: "We're going to cure death?"
House: "Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
House // Sex Kills
cute1
- Dot: "I'm the cute one!"
Animaniacs
cutegrandparents
- Monica: "How did you get to be so cute?"
Chandler: "Well, my grandfather was Swedish and my grandmother was actually a tiny little bunny."
Friends // The One Where Everybody Finds Out
cuterfeet
- Rayanne: "But yours are really little."
Angela: "But they're fat, they're like fatter."
Rayanne: "Rickie, who has cuter feet?"
Rickie: "Me!"
My So-Called Life // Pilot
cutthroatingness
- Jade: "I've dealt with that type of cut throatingness."
America's Next Top Model
cyberhood
- Mr Oneil: "It's a beautiful day in the cyberhood."
Daria // Cafe Disaffecto
D
dadattractive
- Rayanne: "So, not to shock you, but your dad's attractive."
Angela: "Oh, I'm sure."
Rayanne: "Not that I'd attack him or anything, but I wouldn't leave me alone with him either."
My So-Called Life // Father Figures
daddysmokes
- House: "Mommy and Daddy are fighting, but we love you all the same as before. Now go out and play. Bring Daddy some smokes and an arterial blood gas test."
House // Acceptance
dadwarmup
- Angela: "When my father warms something up, it tastes better than when anyone else does."
My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark
dammit
- Daria: "Dammit! Dammit dammit dammit!"
Daria // Dye, Dye, My Darling!
damncomputer
- Jake: "DAMN COMPUTER! It ate everything! Big fat smug damned stupid crappity piece of crappity crap!
Daria // Sappy Anniversary
damnpsychiatrists
- Jordan: "What about that other thing...you said your parents always say."
Brian: "My parents are psychiatrists, okay? You can't go by them."
My So-Called Life // In Dreams Begin Responsibilities
danceyourcaresaway
- Fraggles: "Dance your cares away. Worry's for another day. Let the music play. Down in fraggle rock."
Fraggle Rock
dancingwith
- Devil: "Just who do you think you're dancing with?"
Strange Frequency
dariabuffy
- Quinn: "We'll be through the criminal justice system and home in time for Buffy!"
Daria // Speed Trapped
dariafairytales
- Daria: "So Cinderella skipped the ball and asked her fairy Godmother to make her the first woman president. Realizing that the monarchy was becoming obsolete, the prince opened a video store."
Tad: "That's not how it goes."
Tricia: "But I like it better this way."
Jane: "And then, the little engine decided that he just wasn't the competitive type."
Daria: "So Old Mother Hubbard tracked down the deadbeat loser and made him pay child support."
Jane: "And the dish ran away with the spoon, but Hawaii was the only state which would recognize the marriage as legal."
Daria // Pinch Sitter
dariaruininglife
- Quinn: "MOM! Dad! Daria is ruining my life AGAIN!"
Daria // The Invitation
dariatmi
- Daria: "I see. Walking away now with too much information."
Daria // I Loathe a Parade
dariavision
- Mr Oneil: "Right here and now, let's pledge to make Daria's dream a reality."
Daria: "You mean the one where people walking down the street burst into flames?"
Daria // Cafe Disaffecto
darya
- Jane: "Daria thinks the name Mystik Spiral sounds like a Doors cover band that plays brew pubs. Don't ya, Daria?"
Daria: "That's not exactly what I-"
Trent: "Hmmm...maybe you're right. Would it help if we spelled mystik with two Y's?"
Daria: "[thinking] "And I'll spell my name D-A-R-Y-A and be crowned Miss America." [out loud] "It might. "
Daria // Road Worrier
daughterslut
- Heather: "Your daughter's a slut!"
Rock of Love
deadbabybutt
- House: "Chase, will you get your head out of the dead baby's butt and focus on the barely alive-"
House // Forever
deadbirdbutt
- Roseanne: "Here I am, 5:00 in the morning, stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt."
Roseanne
deadcalmboat
- Shawn: "Dude, I'm pretty sure this is the boat from Dead Calm."
Gus: "Great, now I have to worry about Billy Zane, too?"
Psych // Bounty Hunters!
deadlutheran
- George: "You cannot go out with this Brennan guy, it would never work. You're a Taurus, he's a Gemini. He's a Lutheran, you're dead."
Dead Like Me // Send in the Clown
deadrabbit
- Janice: "There's dignity and respect in the fashion industry. Some guy stripping down t his bare-assed nothing and showing us his dead rabbit? That's not cool."
Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency
dedicateshoot
- Moriarty: "You wasted your life."
House: "Yeah. If only I'd spent more time dedicating myself to finding someone worthy to shoot."
House // No Reason
deeppeople
- Quin: "FOR your information, THIS is how deep people dress."
Daria: "Yeah, deeply affected people."
Daria // Quinn the Brain
defythechicken
- Eric: "Well, then help her."
Jaye: "But...the chicken!"
Eric: "Defy the chicken."
Wonderfalls // Pink Flamingo
delusionaltalk
- Daria: "There's nothing to talk about. You're delusional."
Jane: "Oh, well, in that case I can just talk to myself about it."
Daria // Dye, Dye My Darling
depoprovara
- Tony: "I want to get Depo Provara."
House: "Actually, at your age, as long as you're careful, the risk of you getting pregnant is pretty limited."
House // Sex Kills
depressedorgasm
- Darrin: "You don't just start popping pills because you feel down. There are other ways to deal with depression. Sweetheart, when's the last time you had an orgasm?"
Wonderfalls // Wax Lion
depth
- Daria: "Sometimes your shallowness is so thorough, it's almost like depth."
Daria // Quinn the Brain
deralictcretin
- Rayanne: "So how come it's all over school. I mean, you're not talking it up like some low-life derelict cretin telling everyone you did her are you? Just checking."
My So-Called Life // Guns n Gossip
despicable
- Daffy Duck: "You're despicable.
developedcat
- Danielle: "Mom, I can't be catwoman. Sheri Hickey is going to be catwoman. And she's, like, developed."
My So-Called Life // Halloween
developfeet
- Julie: "You have huge feet too. I like that."
Grace: "Yeah. I waited my whole life to develop, and those are the only things that grew."
Will & Grace // Gay it Forward
divinehealthmanage
- House: "So, you're a faith healer? Or is that a perjorative? Do you prefer something like 'divine health management'?"
House // House vs God
devourwork
- Dr. Staretski: "You'd probably devour my entire body of work."
Two Guys and a Girl // Mother's Day
dexterdeckthehalls
- Rusty: "Deck the halls with parts of bodies, fa la la la la la la la la."
Dexter // Truth Be Told
dexteremotionalroad
- Dexter: "No, I mean, what if she wants something more emotionally?"
Angel: "Don't go down that emotional road. Just go down on her. It's easier, and she'll be distracted."
Dexter // Love American Style
dexterfreedom
- Police Officer: "Freedom's just another word for one more way to get fucked."
Dexter // Love American Style
dialatedamundo
- Phoebe: "It's very weird! I don't want some guy down there telling me I'm, you know, dilated-amundo!"
Friends // The One Hundredth
dictatorboots
- Daria: "I mean, watch the bloodshed on the evening news and then tell me there are guardian angels."
Jane: "Well, someone's keeping those dictators in combat boots."
Daria // Groped by an Angel
didshegetofftheplane
- Ross: "Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?"
Rachel: "I got off the plane."
Friends // The Last One
dieincab
- Ross: "Oh, my god, Phoebe slow down."
Phoebe: "Do you want to get there or not?"
Ross: "Yes, but I don't want to die in your cab!"
Phoebe: "You should have thought of that before you got in!"
Friends // The Last One
dillhole
- Chandler: "Get out of my chair, Dillhole!"
Friends // The One Where No One's Ready
dionnedamned
- Dionne: "I'll be damned."
America's Next Top Model
dionnewhatthehell
- Dionne: "What the hell?"
America's Next Top Model
dirtyold
- Berg: "I'm doctor Staretski. I became a professor of anatomy so I could be a dirty old man."
Two Guys and a Girl // Mother's Day
discountass
- Jaye: "That discount has to be presented at the time of purchase."
Customer: "My ass. I'm presenting it now."
Jaye: "Did you just say 'my ass'?"
Wonderfalls // Wax Lion
divorcedfirsttime
- Ross: "I've always wondered how different my life would be if I hadn't gotten divorced."
Phoebe: "Which time?"
Ross: "The first time!"
Friends // The One That Could Have Been
dobbyfriend
- Gollum: "You don't have any friends! Nobody likes you!"
Schmeagol: "Dobby likes me!"
Gollum: "Dobby! Dobby's a ::bleep::ing ::bleep::!"
MTV Movie Awards
doctorbling
- Rodney: "My son says you’re a manipulative bastard."
House: "It’s a pet name. I call him Dr. Bling'."
House // Euphoria
doermetoo
- House: "Be a do'er, not a me-too'er."
House // House vs God
dolllanguages
- Karen: "The man is a doll! If dolls spoke seven languages and had enormous genitalia."
Will: "I would like that doll."
Will and Grace // Steams Like Old Times
dontgetit
- Helen Morgendorfer: "We tell you over and over how wonderful you are, and you just. don't. get it. What's WRONG with you?!"
Daria // Esteemsters
donthavesheep
- Chandler: "I'm sorry, we don't have your sheep."
Friends // The One With Barry and Mindy's Wedding
dontknowme
- Bugs Bunny: "He don't know me vewy well, do he?"
dontmincewords
- Angela: "You're like this curse that's just, just destroying my life! You can't just walk out and expect us to clean up after you. You're like this living, breathing bad luck omen!"
Rayanne: "Don't mince words! Tell me how you feel."
My So-Called Life // Weekend
dontsayhello
- Angela: "Don't say 'hello', or anything."
Jordan: "Hello?"
My So-Called Life // Self Esteem
doobie
- Penguin: "Doobie doobie doo..."
Commercial
doomedchild
- Ms Bitters: "Oh, you poor doomed child."
Invader Zim
downbacksit
- Muppet: "Down, Animal!"
Animal: "Down!"
Muppet: "Back!"
Animal: "Back!"
Muppet: "Sit!"
Animal: "Sit!"
downinfragglerock
- Fraggles: "Down in fraggle rock. Down in fraggle rock. Down in fraggle rock."
Fraggle Rock
downside
- Jane: "We would've made over a hundred bucks."
Daria: "Yeah, and all we had to do was take a human life."
Jane: "You always see the downside, don't you?"
Daria // Cafe Disaffecto
doyouthinkimstupid
- Brittany: "What do you think I am, stupid?"
Kevin: "Wait, are you asking if I think you're stupid, or are you just calling me stupid?"
Daria // Mart of Darkness
dratthesecomputers
- Marvin the Martian: "Oh, drat these computers. They're so naughty and so complex. I could pinch them."
Looney Tunes
dreamcoldcuts
- Angela: "It's a dream. I'm having a dream. I've *had* this dream, only without the cold cuts."
My So-Called Life // Pressure
dreamhouse
- Barbie: "How dare you talk to me like that?! I have given my whole life to giving you the best of everything! Don't you have a Sparkle Fantasy Unicorn? Don't you live in a dream house?"
Skipper: "It's not my dream! It's your dream!"
Saturday Night Live
drfrankensteinwasgay
- Grace: "Dr Frankenstein wasn't a homo!"
Will: "Oh, really? He sewed together a bunch of guys to make the perfect man? Wrapped him in linen? Gave him a flat head so he could set a drink on it? Dr Frank was a 'mo, my friend. He was a 'mo."
Will & Grace // Attack of the Clones
drivebyshooting
- Angela: "My parents keep asking how school was. It's like saying, 'How was that drive-by shooting?'"
My So-Called Life // Pilot
drowningstruggle
- Eric: "Life can be sort of peaceful when you stop struggling."
Jaye: "It's a lot like drowning that way."
Wonderfalls // Wax Lion
drprescribe
- Wiegel: "I take medication. Doctor prescribed, doctor prescribed medication for several audi... I have an auditority disorder which makes me a little bit nervous around people and lights."
Reno 911
drummer
- Herm: "Hey, Mason, what do you call a guy who hangs out with three musicians?"
Mason: "I give up."
Herm: "A drummer."
Dead Like Me // Hurry
drums
- Muppet: "Oh, yeah, that's Animal. Show 'em what you do, Animal!"
Animal: "I want to eat drums!
Muppet: "No, no, beat drums, BEAT drums!"
Animal: "Beat drums! Beat drums!"Muppet: "Down, Animal!"
Animal: "Down!"
Muppet: "Back!"
Animal: "Back!"
Muppet: "Sit!"
Animal: "Sit!"
drunkpig
- Chef: "There's nothing worse than getting all drunk and waking up the next mornin' next to a pig."
South Park
drvink
- Dr Vink: "Vink's the name. Doctor Vink."
Boy: "Doctor Fink?"
Dr Vink: "VINK. With a va-va-va-va."
Are You Afraid of the Dark?
duckseason
- The entire exchange between Bugs and Daffy on whether it's Duck Season, or Wabbit Season.
duhsquared
- Rayanne: "Duh, squared."
My So-Called Life // Why Jordan Can't Read
dumberadvertised
- Yakko: "Woah, dumber than advertised!"
Animaniacs
dumdedum
- A gorg (?) singing "A doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dum."
Fraggle Rock
dwoah
- Trent: "Hey, Janie. Hey, Dari-WOAH!"
Daria // Partner's Complaint
dyingappearance
- Brittany: "Wow, he doesn't look so good."
Jane: "Dying can be harsh on a person's appearance."
Daria // Murder She Snored
dyinggoodway
- Brett: "The party was getting out of control, and it possibly could kill me. And I'm not talking about in a good dying way. I'm talking about actually dying way."
Rock of Love
dyingloveyou
- House: "You're dying, and suddenly everybody loves you."
Wilson: "You have a cane, nobody even likes you."
House: "I'm not terminal, merely pathetic. You wouldn't believe the crap people let me get away with."
House // Autopsy
E
easybreezywrong
- Danielle: "Easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Girl! What's wrong with me?!"
America's Next Top Model
eatenandloveit
- AJ: "Oh, you'll get eaten and love it."
America's Next Top Model
eatingoutoffridge
- Jane: "So how come every five minutes I feel like I'm going to throw up?"
Trent: "I don't know. You haven't been eating out of the refrigerator again, have you?"
Daria // Dye, Dye My Darling
eatingownfeces
- Santino: "Yeah, eating my own feces is the key to everything."
Project Runway
elizathree
- David Letterman: "Nice to meet you."
Eliza Dushku: "Thank you!"
David: "Nice to meet all three of you."
embarrassingdegreeofsex
- Angela: "Mom, I'm not having sex, alright. Really. I'm not even close. To an embarrassing degree."
My So-Called Life // Guns n Gossip
encourageshoppers
- Bianca: "Thank you for sh-shopping at W-wonderfalls. Come again!"
Jaye: "Don't encourage them."
Wonderfalls // Karma Chameleon
ernie
- Ernie: "Hey, Bert? I brought home a surprise, Bert!"
Sesame Street
essaywordsthink
- Daria: "'What is Romeo and Juliet about?' Just write what you think and back it up. 200 words, minimum."
Sandi: "An essay test?"
Stacy: "200 words?"
Tiffany: "Think...?"
Daria // Lucky Strike
esteem
- Jane: "I like having low self esteem. Makes me feel special."
Daria // Esteemsters
estimateddamages
- Student: "If I drive myself and his car off a bridge, what would be the estimated damages?"
My So-Called Life // The Substitute
etbellybutton
- Jane: "I've heard of fast healers, but this is ridiculous."
Daria: "Gee, maybe ET came in my room and touched my navel while I slept."
Jane: "Boy, Daria, you have the weirdest dreams."
Daria // Pierce Me
eternalgraduation
- Brittany: "But what about our eternal love that was supposed to last 'til graduation?"
Daria // A Tree Grows in Lawndale
eversogood
- Wacko: "Dear Santa, I have been ever so good this year. I would like a new mallet and a shiny brass anvil."
Animaniacs
everydoghasitsday
- Mystik Spiral: "You put me on a short leash and threw away my hydrant. You ate up all my kibble, now my coat's no longer vibrant. My nose is dry and chapped, but this puppy's here to stay. Scratch my belly, baby, every dog has it's day."
Daria // Groped by an Angel
eviteforanything
- Shawn: "Look, without protection, you might as well just send the killer an invitation saying, 'Hey, come on back, finish the job!' I wonder if they make invitations for that."
Juliet: "I don't see why not. You can send an e-vite for anything."
Shawn: "This is true."
Psych // Game, Set, Muuuuuuurder
excitingincoma
- Guy: "Yo, Graff. Why don't you come driving with us tonight."
Rayanne: "That would be exciting. If I were in a coma."
My So-Called Life // Guns n Gossip
excorcismknife
- Katrina: "Do you believe in the holy spirit?"
Jaye: "What are you gonna do with that knife?"
Katrina: "Do you believe in the holy Catholic church, the communion of saints, and the remission of sin? Do you believe in the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting?"
Jaye: "No! Yes! Could you repeat the second part?"
Wonderfalls // Wound Up Penguin
excuuuseme
- Steve Martin: "Excuuuuuuuuuuuse meeeeeee!!"
Saturday Night Live
explainthirty
- Angela: "Great. Wonderful. There's gotta be a key. Find it. And I'll explain this to you later. Like when you're thirty."
My So-Called Life // Weekend
eyeliner
- Rickie: "Okay, see the Egyptians, they wore eyeliner to...ward off the evil spirits. They believed that if they outlined their eyes, that the good spirits would spot 'em easier. I read it in a book. So that's why I tried it. The eyeliner, I mean."
Brian: "So you believe in, like, evil spirits?"
Rickie: "Oh no, I, I'm Catholic. Basically, I just like how it looks."
My So-Called Life // The Zit
eyeshurt
- Angela: "He's always closing his eyes, like it hurts to look at things."
My So-Called Life // Pilot
F
fakelaughs
- Will and Grace mocking each others' fake laughs.
Will and Grace // Yours Mine and Ours
fakeundercoverwhore
- Gary: "You're the prettiest fake undercover whore I've ever seen."
Joey: "Nice."
Friends // The One With The Cop
familyguy
- Peter: "I'd sell my soul to be famous!"
Devil: "I got a live one, Peter Griffin."
Seth Green: "Ooh, sorry, chief, seems he already sold his soul in 1976 for Bee Gees tickets. Oh, and again in 1981 for half a mallomar."
Family Guy
familysuffer
- Daria: "Well, I guess I'd like my whole family to do something together."
Mr Oneil: "Excellence!"
Daria: "Something that will really make them suffer."
Daria // Esteemsters
fantasyjerk
- Professor: "Daria, I know it's only the first week of freshmen year, but I wonder if you'd consider transferring to the graduate school."
Daria: "I'm not really sure I want to be a professional student."
Professor: "But I don't want you to study. I want you to teach."
Daria: "Well..."
Professor: "Not here, of course. On our Paris campus."
Daria: "Oh! Okay."
Professor: "Superb! Now I can use your dorm room to carry on affairs with some of the more beautiful undergraduates. Thank you!"
Daria: "How come even in my fantasies everyone's a jerk?"
Daria // College Bored
farmwifephotographer
- Ms Barch: "We will never play Farm Wife and National Geographic Photographer again!"
Daria // Is It College Yet?
fashionmob
- Daria: "You don't have to let the fashion mob push their classes on school grounds either."
Jane: "Yeah, it's not fair to the drug dealers. They have to wait behind the parking lot."
Daria // This Year's Model
fashiontips
- Rickie: "Hi."
Graham: "Hi."
Rayanne: "Oh, look, Rickie and your dad are bonding."
Angela: "Come on."
Rickie: "Uh, well, bye."
Graham: "Bye."
Rayanne: "They're exchanging fashion tips."
Angela : "Rayanne!"
My So-Called Life // Father Figures
fatchalkoutline
- Sandy: "The first thing we should do is find out where the body was dumped."
Daria: "Well, not to jump to conclusion, but the crime scene tape might be a clue."
Jane: "Really? I was gonna say the pool of blood."
Quinn: "Look, a chalk outline."
Sandy: "I wonder if it belongs to anybody."
Tiffany: "I hope not, it's so fat."
Daria // Murder She Snored
fatherisbrother
- Receptionist: "Now, which of you is the father?"
Phoebe: "Oh, no, none of them are the father. The father is my brother."
Rachel: "I am so gonna miss watching you freak people out like that."
Friends // The One Hundredth
fatloser
- Dick: "Hello, my name is Dick, and I'm a fat loser."
Third Rock From the Sun
favcolorbwue
- House: "It's hilarious to watch him try and talk. I asked him anything I could think of. Favorite color...'bwue'."
House // No Reason
fearbate
- Randal: "Look how scared he is. He's shaking."
Dante: "No, he's masturbating."
Randal: "Yeah, but it's out of fear."
Clerks: The Animated Series // Leonardo Is Caught In The Grip Of An Outbreak Of Randal's Imagination And Patrick Swayze Either Does Or Doesn't Work In The New Pet Store
Feelikea
- "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't."
ferrarivagina
- Robin: "Okay, yes, kids are not my favorite thing in the world, but I like them."
Ted: "But you don't want to have them."
Robin: "I like sports cars, but I don't want to push a Ferrari through my vagina."
Barney: "Shotgun!"
How I Met Your Mother // Little Boys
ferryman
- Shawn: "I am professor Shawn Spencer. I will be your psychic ferryman over the River styx. That's Gus, my ferry."
Psych // If You're So Smart, Then Why Are You Dead?
fetishcarving
- Daria: "I hope your parents appreciate deconstructionism."
Jane: "They won't even notice. Besides, they're in Greenland doing the walrus-tusk fertility-fetish carving thing."
Daria: "Always keeping up with the Joneses."
Daria // Art Burn
finebyme
- Rachel: "You know, I can't believe I even THOUGHT of getting back together with you. We are SO over!"
Ross: "::fake whimper:: FINE BY ME!"
Friends // The One With the Jellyfish
finger
- Pheobe: "It's such a shame you can't see what finger I'm holding up."
Friends // The One With the Chicken Pox
fireinpants
- Rube: "Where's the fire?"
Mason: "That would be in my pants."
Daisy: "That's probably syphillis."
Dead Like Me // Vacation
firmandconsistent
- Danielle: "Do I have to?"
Patty: "We have to meet him. We have to be firm and consistent."
Danielle: "Get a flu shot?"
Patty: "Yes."
Graham: "No."
My So-Called Life // Pressure
fitsinyourheart
- Angela: "Sometimes someone says something really small, and it just fits right into this empty place in your heart."
My So-Called Life
flamewars
- Sick Sad World Announcer: "Everyone hates a messageboard miscreant.
But now you can do something about it! Flame war!"
Daria // Is It College yet?
flashbeforeeyes
- George: "They say that your entire life flashes in front of you the moment before you die, that might be true if you are terminally ill or your parachute doesn't open, but if death sneaks up on you the only thing you have time to think is...awww shit."
Dead Like Me // Pilot
followfootsteps
- Helen: "But Quinn, your father and I would love it if you kids followed in our footsteps."
Quinn: "We're walking? Uh!"
Daria // College Bored
fondlebum
- Bailiff: "Please fondle my bum."
Monty Python's Flying Circus
frenchshoes
- House: "Your lips say no, but your shoes say yes."
Wilson: "They're French. You can't trust a word they say."
House // Fidelity
fridaywednesday
- Jordan: "This doesn't seem like a Friday."
Angela: "It's Thursday."
Jordan: "Oh. Are you sure?"
Angela: "Well, yesterday was Wednesday, so..."
Jordan: "Oh... right."
Angela: "So, that's how I know."
My So-Called Life // Pilot
FRline
- Joanna: "Congratulations, you've just crossed the line into completely useless. Get out."
Friends // The One Where They're Gonna Party!
frozenembryos
- Rayanne: "Oh, I almost forgot, Tino..."
Rickie: "Uh, yeah. Didn't he say that uh..."
Rayanne: "Yeah. See, I mentioned that you'd be dropping us and... and he said tell Catalano I'll meet him there, I got something I wanna tell him."
Jordan: "About Frozen Embryos?"
Rayanne: "What's that?"
Jordan: "Just this band we might form."
Rickie: "Yeah, I think that was..."
Rayanne: "I think that was it."
My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark
fryingpan
- Chandler: "Yes, hitting her with a frying pan is a good idea. We might want to have a backup plan, though, in case she isn't a cartoon!"
Friends // The One After the Superbowl
fuckingchickenpot
- Guy: "Fuck the fucking chicken wings, man, where'd we put the fucking pot?"
Sex and the City
fuckwithmegun
- George: "This is where I felt it the first time. The universe was cocking the Fuck-With-Me gun."
Dead Like Me // Sunday Mornings
funbitch
- Bianca: "The fun bitch that like...that's what I categorize myself as. And then there's like the bitchy bitch that I've seen here."
America's Next Top Model
funkymusic
- Phoebe: "Come on, play that funky music, white boy."
Friends // The One Where Chandler Crosses the Line
fwaggle
- Gorg: "Ooh, hey look, there goes a fwaggle!"
Fraggle Rock
G
gameofclue
- Becky: "I feel like I'm in a big ass game of clue. Who took the picture in the purple room?"
Charm School
gaybible
- Jack: "Commandment number one in the gay bible. 'Thou shalt not covet my ex's ass!'"
Will and Grace // Das Boob
gaydwarves
- Arthur: "Do you approve of homosexuals?
Maude: "Arthur, it doesn't matter whether I approve or I disapprove. They are human beings, they exist. It's like asking me if I approve of dwarves."
Arthur: "Well, that's different. There's no such thing as gay dwarves."
Maude: "Come on, Arthur, you've read Snow White. Seven little men living together like that? Wake up and smell the coffee."
Maude
gayerspeedingbullet
- Stephen Colbert: "Americans mimic the behavior of their heroes. So if Superman turns out to be gay, he'll turn America super-gay. We're talking gayer than a speeding bullet."
gayshirtoff
- Grace: "You don't care! You're gay, right?"
Owen: "Oh, right, right, I'm gay."
Grace: "So, you don't mind if I-"
Owen: "No, I'm gay. You should definitely take your shirt off."
Will and Grace // A Chorus Lie
gayyears
- Jack: "Oh my god, I'm thirty. Do you know what that is in gay years?"
Will and Grace // Big Brother is Coming
george
- Abominable Snowman: "Which way did he go, George, which way did he go?"
Character: "Mmm, that way."
Abominable Snowman: "Gee,George, thanks a lot!"
getdrunkcharming
- Chandler: "Hey, I can be pretty charming, babe, I won you over, didn’t I?"
Monica: "I don’t think you’ll ever get my parents that drunk!"
Friends // The One Where Ross Got High
getridofallofus
- Wax Lions: "You'll never get rid of all of us."
Jaye: ::screams::
Wonderfalls // Cocktail Bunny
getsomesomemoney
- Wilson: "You really really need to get some."
House: "I get some 'some' all the time. I always need to borrow 'some' money."
House // Spin
gfmoanscream
- Foreman: "Where are you?"
House: "At your girlfriend’s place. Ignore the moaning and squeaking."
House // Hunting
girlinthatmovie
- Jaye: "You're like that girl in that movie who wanted to be like that other girl so much that she'd kill for it!"
Bianca: "Grease?"
Jaye: "Single White Female!"
Wonderfalls // Karma Chameleon
girlnexthood
- Jaslene: "I'm not your girl next door, but I'm your girl down the block, in your hood."
America's Next Top Model
givinguplawyer
- Daria: "She said it was wrong to encourage cheaters and to profit from them."
Jane: "So, she's giving up being a lawyer?"
Daria: "I asked her that. And I'm sure some day we'll once again be on speaking terms>"
Daria // College Bored
goaway
- Gaz: "Go away."
Invader Zim
goddrunk
- Jeffrey: "I ended up with Angela's mom, because I think God got drunk today."
Project Runway
godownbitch
- Sapphyri: "This shit is pissing me off. Just go down, bitch, go down!"
Charm School
godtumor
- Wilson: "How'd it go?"
House: "She has God inside her. It would have been easier to deal with a tumor."
House // Damned if You Do
goingtocatchhet
- Jack: "Will, I told you. You live with a hetero long enough, you're going to catch it."
Will and Grace // Yours Mine and Ours
goodbraindamage
- House: "You're brain damaged. Doomed to feeling good for the rest of your life."
House // Poison
goodpretendhappy
- Angela: "Sometimes I think that if my mom weren't so good at pretending to be happy, she'd be better at actually being happy."
My So-Called Life // Other People's Mothers
gotta love me
- Baby Dinosaur: "I'm the baby! Gotta love me!"
Dinosaurs
grammaschickensalad
- Joey: "There's always room for Jello."
Rachel: "Joey, how do you make THAT dirty?"
Joey: "Oh, it's easy. I can do it with anything, watch. ::sexy voice:: Grandma's chicken salad."
Friends // The One Hundredth
gratefuldeadtickets
- Rayane: "We had Grateful Dead tickets. People don't sell Grateful Dead tickets. People give people Grateful Dead tickets."
Angela: "I'm sorry. I just, I didn't think it was-"
Rayanne: "Your dad gave those tickets to both of us, including me."
My So-Called Life // Father Figures
greatthanksfuck
- Claire: "Great! Thank you! FUCK!"
Six Feet Under // Pilot
greekgodbook
- Rube: "Bacchus has drowned many more men than Neptune."
Mason: "Bacchus? Wha...?"
Rube: "He's the Greek god of 'Why don't you read a fucking book?'"
Dead Like Me // Send in the Clown
greeneggsandham
- Daria: "Sorry to give away the surprise, but in the end, he eats the green eggs and the ham."
Daria // Groped by an Angel
grindstone
- Mr O'Neill: "Put your nose to the proverbial grindstone."
Quinn: "What's wrong with my nose?"
Daria // Is It Fall Yet?
growblow
- Rachel: "How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?"
Friends // The One Where Eddie Won't Leave
gunssafeschool
- Rayanne: "Everyone knows there are, like, fifty guns in school at any given moment. And the fact that they haven't gone off before shows you what a totally safe place this is."
My So-Called Life // Guns n Gossip
guysincapes
- Henry: "Real heroes do not wear a cape, and they do not wear their underwear on the outside. The guys who wear capes? They're on angeldust."
Psych // Shawn vs the Red Phantom
H
haha2
- Nelson: "Ha ha!"
The Simpsons
hairholdingback
- Angela: "So when Rayanne Graff told me my hair was holding me back, I had to listen. 'Cause she wasn't just talking about my hair. She was talking about my life."
My So-Called Life // Pilot
hairlesscats
- Tom: "It is kind of bizarre."
Daria: "No, hairless cats are bizarre."
Daria // Life in the Past Lane
halfeatensheep
- Wilson: "Doctor Jekyll, I presume? They found a half-eaten sheep in the zoo, and the police want to ask you a few questions."
House: "Need something to wash it down."
House // Distractions
halfjewish
- House: "You Jewish?"
Dr Gilmar: "Yeah."
House: "Is it true what they say about Jewish foreplay?"
Dr Gilmar: "Two hours of begging?"
House: "I heard four."
Dr Gilmar: "Well, actually I'm only half-Jewish."
House // Kids
hamstringtwister
- Crandall: "Heard about your leg."
House: "Yeah, pulled my hamstring playing Twister. Just gonna walk it off."
House // Who's Your Daddy
handcuffkey
- Rayanne: "Look, I don't want to get into any big discussion or anything."
Angela : "Oh, neither do I."
Rayanne: "Oh, then why'd you ask me to stay?"
Angela: "The key? I knew you couldn't resist."
Rayanne: "Party pooper."
My So-Called Life // Weekend
hangerinmouth
- Monica: "I can’t stop smiling."
Rachel: "I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth."
Friends // The One Where It All Began
hansoloactionfigure
- Skipper: "So, does that mean Ken's my father?"
Barbie: "Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. Ken's not your father. The 70's were a crazy time, I experimented a lot. Your father is a Han Solo action figure."
Skipper: "He's not even our scale, what kind of slut are you?!"
Saturday Night Live
happyenough
- Stinky Wizzleteats: "I don't think you're happy enough!"
Ren and Stimpy
happyeric
- Jaye: "Forget about your damage, I'm quite possibly certifiable. Why would you want to get involved with anything as potentially messy and complicated as...well...me?"
Eric: "Because you make me happy."
Wonderfalls // Lovesick Ass
happypanic
- Patty: "Okay, now,I *refuse* to panic just because she's happy."
Graham: "Although it's alarming."
Patty: "Oh, it's *terribly* alarming."
My So-Called Life // Self Esteem
harassedbyanangel
- Quinn: "You wouldn't say that if your life was touched by an angel."
Daria: "I'd be too busy suing for harassment."
Daria // Groped by an Angel
haterabbit
- Yosemite Sam: "I hates rabbits."
hatereallyfast
- Will: "So, you've had coffee."
Grace: "And I started popping No-Doz. Now I'm hating myself REALLY fast!"
Will and Grace // My Fair Maidy
hateyou
- Drew Carey: "Hate you in the morning, hate you in the evening, hate
you at supper time. Oh, how I hate you, hate you all the time."
The Drew
Carey Show
haveadate
- Eric: "It's gonna take me time to heal. Probably longer than I can guess. Which is why I think we should absolutely have a date."
Wonderfalls // Lovesick Ass
haveyourboots
- Jane: "Well, listen, now that you've got such a great attitude and everything, can I have your boots?"
Daria: "Yeah, turn around and I'll give you one right now."
Daria // Write Where it Hurts
healthanddental
- Shawn: "I've worked out every last detail."
Gus: "What's your dental plan?"
Shawn: "Don't get cavities."
Gus: "Health plan?"
Shawn: "Same, but with hepatitis and shingles."
Psych // Pilot
healthnotbreasts
- Cameron: "Could we talk about her health instead of her breasts?"
House: "Could be relevant."
House // Skin Deep
heartbattlefield
- Angela: "School is a battlefield, for your heart."
My So-Called Life // Pilot
heatherleaves
- Heather: "Since I've been here, I've learned so much. I've learned to be more confident, I've learned to not always be so self conscious. And that not everyone's gonna judge you just because you have...you were born a certain way. I think the experience is much more than a prize."
America's Next Top Model // Cycle 9
heatloins
- Ross: "Damn, this coffee's cold. Hey, Rach, do you mind if I heat this up on your loins?"
Friends // The One With Rachel's Book
heatproofkitchenglove
- Daria: "'My heart is like an open wound that reads the tealeaves of it's doom.' What? 'Soothe me with redemption's love like a heatproof kitchen glove'. God, I hope this is a first draft."
Daria // Speed Trapped
hehbongwater
- Guy: "Bong water."
Sex in the City
heismantrophy
- Mr Dimartino: "Promise me you'll come back and see me someday when you've got the Heisman trophy and a chain of auto dealerships, and I'm saving up for a second pair of pants. Will you promise me that, Kevin?"
Kevin: "Sure!"
Daria // Esteemsters
hell
- Daria: "We are now entering hell. Please keep your hands and elbows inside the car."
Daria // I Don't
hellomybaby
- Wax Lion: "Hello, my baby..."
Jaye: "Stop it!"
Wax Lion: "You stop it. Ask him. Hello, my honey, hello my...ragtime gal. Send me a kiss by wire, baby my heart's on fire."
Wonderfalls // Wax Lion
helovesgirls
- Jane: "He's a snappy dresser in the classical-elegant sense. Plus, he has impecable manners and a biting whit."
Daria "Oh, so he's-"
Jane: "And he loves girls!"
Daria // Life in the Past Lane
herbal
- An Herbal Essences commercial.
heroinstand
- Gus: "How does some 18-year old kid still living at home rake that kind of money?"
Shawn: "Lemonade stand? That is if, instead of lemons, he's using heroin."
Psych // Shawn vs the Red Phantom
herpeopledeny
- Helen: "I mean, when a woman is elected president, it won't be because she got breast implants."
Daria: "At least her people will deny it."
Daria // Too Cute
heydude
- The Hey Dude theme song.
Hey Dude
heyhey
- Fat Albert: "Hey, hey, hey!"
Fat Albert
hiddenlivesofteachers
- Angela: "Maybe teachers have a hidden life. Where they're actually, like human. Where they have, I don't know, dignity. Or maybe not."
My So-Called Life // The Substitute
highspeedinternet
- Helen: "Daria, you can't spend the rest of your life in there."
Daria: "I can once they put in my high-speed internet connection."
Daria // Boxing Daria
highstrunglapdog
- Cuddy: "Why do you have to make everything so dramatic?"
House: "Because I'm a very high-strung little lap dog."
House // Role Model
higotohell
- Jane: "Oh, hi. Go to hell!"
Daria // Dye, Dye My Darling
hiho
- Kermit: "Hi ho, and welcome back."
hijackedmybrain
- Trent: "You've hijacked my brain."
Jesse: "Moth to a flame."
Trent: "If you don't release me..."
Jesse: "It'll really be lame."
Trent "No."
Jesse "I'll forfeit the game."
Trent: "Nah."
Jesse: "My soul's waves of grain."
Trent: "I've heard that somewhere before."
Jane: "You're driving me insane!"
Trent: "Too many syllables."
Daria // It Happened One Nut
hineyho
- Jombi: "Meka leka hi, meka hiney ho!"
Pee Wee's Playhouse
hitbybullet
- House: "He did, however get hit by a bullet. Just mentioning."
Cameron: "He was shot?"
House: "No, somebody threw it at him."
House // Euphoria
hitlersugar
- Tricia: "Sugar is bad."
Tad: "Sugar rots your teeth.
Tricia: "Sugar makes you hyper."
Tad: "Hitler ate sugar."
Daria // Pinch Sitter
hocontest
- Heidi: "Okay, glass house, ___ with a married man for MONTHS!"
Jaye: "The BELLMAN, lady! On your honeymoon! Between us, you win the skanky ho contest!"
Wonderfalls // Lying Pig
hofashion
- Tyra: "Most modeling is kind of acting like a ho, but making it fashion. Ho...but make it fashion. Ho...but make it fashion."
America's Next Top Model
holdtonydanza
- Rachel: "No way! The most romantic song ever was 'The Way We Were'."
Phoebe: "Uh, see I think the one that Elton John wrote for, um, that guy on Who's The Boss?"
Rachel: "What song was that, Pheebs?"
Phoebe: (Singing) "Hold me close, young Tony Danza."
Friends // The One With the Princess Leia Fantasy
holddowntongue
- Angela: "So, how did he act? Did he act bored, or..."
Rayanne: "He flopped on the floor, uncontrollably ok? Rickie had to hold down his tongue..."
Rickie: "And I wasn't even there."
My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark
homelesssuffered
- Helen: "Quinn, I'm going to go through my closet right now and see what I can donate to your clothing drive."
Quinn: "Your closet? Muh-OM, haven't the homeless suffered enough?"
Daria // The Old and the Beautiful
homesanitarium
- Quinn: "Home is my sanitarium away from school."
Daria // Lucky Strike
homosexualdate
- Barry: "Sorry I'm late. I didn't know what to wear for our second homosexual date."
Will: "Traditionally whatever's hanging on your homosexual chair in your homosexual bedroom."
Will & Grace // Gay it Forward
hoodooexpert
- Quinn: "God, Stacey, what do I look like, a Hoodoo Expert?"
Daria // Is It College Yet?
homoroom
- Flanders: "Lord have mercy, it's a room full of homosexuals."
The Simpsons
horrible
- Ms Bitters: "Horrible...suffering..."
Invader Zim
hotcuppastfu
- Roxy: "How about a hot cup of shut the fuck up?"
Dead Like Me
houndrape
- Chance: "Hey, man, stop raping that hound!"
I Love New York
houseind
- Shawn: "I want a hard target search. Through every outhouse, penthouse, cathouse, Waffle House, House in D. House of Long Shadows?"
Psych // Game, Set, Muuuuuuurder
houseisgay
- Stacy: "What are you hiding?"
House: "I’m gay. Oh...that’s not what you meant. It does explain a lot though. No girlfriend, always with Wilson, obsession with sneakers..."
House // The Mistake
housemessage
- House on Answering Machine: "You've reached a number that has been disconnected and is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, go with it, hang up, on three. One, two...::beep::"
House // Who's Your Daddy
housemoo
- House: "Moooooo!"
House // Sex Kills
howdidyoudie
- Patty: "Why did you leave home?"
Girl: "My mother and I had a fight. The kind of fight where it seems like the fight is having you. So what else do you want to know?"
Patty: "How did you die?"
Girl: "I froze."
My So-Called Life // So-Called Angels
howdoin
- Joey: "So, uh...how you doin'?"
Friends
howmanyfingersold
- Karen: "How many fingers old are you, big guy?"
Randall: "What? Bitch, I got a beard and three grey pubes!"
Will & Grace // Friends with Benefits
humansex
- Cameron: "Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulse from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland. And the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent, it's ugly, and it's messy. And if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago."
House // Occam's Razor
huntelmers
- Bugs Bunny: "Shhh...be vewy vewy quiet. We're hunting elmers. Heh heh heh heh heh."
hypnotizedbyfood
- Rayanne: "I am so hungry. Do you ever get, like, hypnotized by food?"
Graham: "Oh, are you kidding me? Hypnotized By Food could be my Indian name."
My So-Called Life // Father Figures
hungjury
- Man: "Look, baby, I don't want to brag, but I'm hung like a jury."
Dead Like Me // Always
hurtstolookatyou
- Rayanne: "And you know, with your hair like that, it hurts to look at you."
My So-Called Life // Pilot
hypoglycemic
- Angela: "Um, hi, could you spare some change?"
Rayanne: "She's, she's upset, you see, you look a little like her mother who's in a coma. Excuse her, she's hypogylcemic."
My So-Called Life // Pilot
I
ibs
- Delores: "Most people don't know this, but Marilyn Monroe had IBS."
George: "Is that what flew her skirt up?"
Dead Like Me // In Escrow
iceboxwoman
- Trent: "You're an angel in black / You sure have a knack / For putting my heart on a shelf in the back / I'm waiting my turn / Oh, when will I learn? / My poor heart, you're giving it freezer burn. Yeah..."
Daria // Road Worrier
ida_ho
- Woman: "If Ida Lapido married Don Ho, she'd be Ida Ho."
Laugh-In
idaman
- House: "Who da man? I da man."
House // Control
idiotsarefun
- House: "Idiots are fun. No wonder every village wants one."
House // Forever
idjit
- Yosemite Sam: "Ya stupid idjit!"
iheartcows
- Tony: "I love cows."
House // Sex Kills
iknowthatgirl
- Jordan: "Hey, I know that girl."
My So-Called Life // Pilot
illegalsinbottom
- Mason: "I've got illegals in my bottom."
Dead Like Me // Reapercussions
illegalsquirrels
- Jake: "They're going to make it illegal to shoot squirrels? Damn it. What kind of town is this?"
Daria // Is It Fall Yet?
imagineembarrass
- Quinn: "What was that?"
Daria: "My imaginary friend fell down."
Quinn: "God, Daria. Even your imaginary friends are embarrassing."
Daria // Depth Takes a Holiday
imnotsober
- Jaye: "I can't even go out for a drink anymore."
Security Guard: "How long have you been sober?"
Jaye: "Oh, I'm not sober."
Wonderfalls // Caged Bird
impersonateteam
- House: "Okay, I’ll be you guys."
House as Chase: "No way, myte, too much blood to be just a vein."
House as Foreman: "No way, Hizzy. If it were an artery, he’d still be bleeding."
House as Cameron: "Actually, he’d be dead."
House // No Reason
impressfamily
- Fat Pat: "I thought you were trying to impress me."
Jaye: "You misunderstood. I don't actually let people I'm trying to impress meet my family."
Wonderfalls // Muffin Buffalo
imsorry
- Pee Wee: "I'm sorry!"
Pee Wee's Playhouse
insanityoption
- Brian: "You have the option of insanity. I do not. And that...makes me crazy!"
My So-Called Life // Self Esteem
insensitivecouples
- Jake: "Those couples, they're such a bunch of wimps. Always so freaking sensitive."
Daria: "Hang in there, Dad. You'll meet some insensitive couples. I'm sure of it."
Jake: "Thanks, kiddo!"
Daria // Pinch Sitter
intentionallydense
- Cuddy: "Are you being intentionally dense?"
House: "Huh?"
House // Humpty Dumpty
internetporn
- House: "Sorry, up late. Internet porn."
Chase: "How come you’re not in your office?"
House: "Because there is a computer in my office. If I log on, romance will ensue. My wrist might fall off."
House // Babies and Bathwater
interpreterofsound
- Trent: "And you call yourself a musician?"
Jesse: "No, I call myself an Interpreter of Sound!"
Daria // That Was Then, This Is Dumb
intimacycounselor
- Helen: "This is the perfect opportunity for us to spend that quality couple's time recommended by our intimacy counselor."
Jake: "Great idea! Who?"
Helen: "I've been seeing an intimacy counselor to promote growth and togetherness in our relationship. It was just easier to schedule if I went alone. I'll fill you in."
Daria // Antisocial Climbers
intimatevirus
- Jane: "It's about a flesh-eating virus. How is that intimate?"
Daria: "You'd think it was pretty intimate if it were eating your flesh."
Daria // Story of D
ironicpuking
- Brian: "I mean, the fact that she called ME heartless. That's just really good. That's excellent. How ironic can you get without, like, puking?"
My So-Called Life
isms
- Manager: "I don't like nepotism, and I don't like cronyism."
Daria: "Where do you stand on vandalism?"
Daria // It Happened One Nut
isntthatlovely
- Marvin the Martian: "Oooh. Isn't that lovely? Mmmm."
isshereallyfrench
- Jordan: "Is she really from France?"
My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark
itscold
- Tweety: "Brrrr! Baby, it's cold outside!"
Looney Tunes
J
jackfunny
- Jack: "Funny, funny, funny, funny. Funny!"
Will and Grace // The Big Vent
jamandmilk
- Roger: "I like redheads. Their mouths are like a drop of strawberry jam in a glass of milk."
Mad Men // Red in the Face
jane
- Dan Akroyd: "Jane, you ignorant slut."
Saturday Night Live
jared sedated
- Jordan singing "I Want to Be Sedated".
My So-Called Life // On The Wagon
jayformichael
- Jay: "I definitely think Michael Knight's gonna win, because you picked the gay white guy first, then you picked the Asian immigrant second, and you're gonna pick the black guy third."
Project Runway
jimmycrackscorn
- Brain: "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
Pinky: "I think so, Brain, but if Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?"
Pinky and the Brain
jimmyswaggarthooker
- Jack: "So, what's going on with you? We haven't sung a showtune since Jimmy Swaggart got caught with the hooker."
Will and Jack: "'I have siiiinned!'"
Will and Grace // Yours Mine and Ours
joeysimagination
- Phoebe: "I'm not sure about some of the bras I got."
Rachel: "Oh, really? Do you want to try some of them on for me?"
Phoebe: "Oh, okay! Wait, are we in Joey's imagination?"
Friends // The One With The Birth Mother
johnstewartwoohoo
- Seth Green: "Okay, this is a little known story."
John Stewart: "Very little."
Seth: "John had a great show on MTV, and I loved that show, and I was doing a show in Hawaii, and they booked me on John's show, and I was like, 'Yeah, John Stewart, woo hoo!' And then his show got canceled, and I got screwed."
The Daily Show
jokehuh
- Sandi: "If this is your idea of a joke, perhaps you should look up the word 'huh' in the dictionary."
Daria // One J At a Time
jordandreams
- Jordan: "I have all these dreams where I know exactly what to say. And you tell me, you know, that you forgive me."
My So-Called Life // In Dreams Begin Responsibilities
justawhitelie
- Foreman: "You did exactly what white people do. You figure we don't need to know the truth, or can't understand it. So you just lie to us."
House: "Just a white lie."
Foreman: "Good one, 'massa."
House // Humpty Dumpty
justlikebungeejumping
- Joey: "I have to do it?"
Ross: "Yeah. You'll be fine. It'll be just like bungee jumping, but instead of bouncing back up, you won't."
Friends // The One Where They're Up All Night
justmywife
- Ross: "This is crazy. I mean, yes Rachel is my good friend and I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife."
Friends // The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel
K
kaboom
- Marvin the Martian: "Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!"
kaitlynkissingbooth
- Dante: "What? Caitlin has a kissing booth, like for charity?"
Jay: "Yeah, only it don't cost nothing and it's not for charity. And there's no booth. And it's more than just kissing. And you don't have to be a guy. Dude, she's cheating on you."
Clerks: The Animated Series // The Last Episode Ever
keeperofchz
- Ren: "I'm the keeper of the cheese!"
Ren and Stimpy
keysinpants
- Rickie: "What are you doing here?"
Rayanne: "It's public property."
Brian: "I left my keys in your pants."
My So-Called Life // Halloween
kicktesticle
- Brennan: "Stop, or I'll kick you in the testicles!"
Bones // Death in the Saddle
killedadog
- Daria: "I couldn't live with myself if I hit a dog. Would you mind telling Quinn I killed him?"
Daria // Through a Lens Darkly
killedforaminute
- Wilson: "Heard you killed your supermodel."
House: "Only for a minute."
House // Skin Deep
killmorewhites
- Cameron: "Black defendants are ten times more likely to get a death sentence then white."
Foreman: "Doesn’t mean we need to get rid of the death penalty – we just need to kill more white people."
House // Acceptance
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