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Numbers

A

aaronburr
  • Guy: (muffled): "Aarron Burr!"
    Radio Announcer: "Excuse me?"
    Guy: "Aaron Burr. Hold on, let me get some milk. MILK!"
    Announcer: "Ohh, I'm sorry, your time is up." ::click:: ::dial tone::
    Guy: (sadly) "Aaron Burr..."
    Milk Comercial


addictedconflict
  • Foreman: "You're addicted to conflict."
    House: "Did they change the name?"
    House // Forever

addressingmyself
  • Sharon: "Excuse me. Have you *ever* been to a class?"
    Rayanne: "Excuse *me*. I was addressing myself."
    My So-Called Life // Self Esteem

adultlookupto
  • Angela: "He's like...he's an adult I can look up to. Finally. What?"
    Graham and Patty: "Nothing."
    My So-Called Life // The Substitute

ageappropriate
  • Sandy: "Just so you know, these dinosaur toys aren't really age appropriate."
    Ross: "They're mine."
    Sandy: "Oh. Also not age appropriate."
    Friends // The One With The Male Nanny

agreedpersonality
  • Angela: "It just seems like, you agree to have a certain personality or something. For no reason. Just to make things easier for everyone. But when you think about it, I mean, how do you know it's even you?"
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

allwhores
  • Mya: "You people are all whores!"
    Just Shoot Me

aloneforyears
  • Angela: "Rickie, I'm sorry, I have to be alone."
    Rickie: "You've been alone."
    Angela: "No, I mean for, like, years."
    My So-Called Life // Betrayal

alphabetmood
  • Jael: "How many letters are in the alphabet?"
    Natasha: "Depends on my mood."
    America's Next Top Model

amber rayanne sedated
  • Amber and Rayanne singing "I Want to Be Sedated".
    My So-Called Life // On The Wagon

americanspanishguys
  • Amanda: "Spanish guys and American guys are very similiar. They all have the same jokes and stuff. But American guys smell better."
    America's Next Top Model

analfissure
  • House: "Hey, how's that anal fissure? Did it heal yet, or is it still draining? Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize he came back for seconds. I figured that after that girl in the stairwell you'd be done for the night."
    Chase: "He's joking."
    House: "No Adam's apple, small hands. No surprises this time."
    House // All In

angelacryred
  • Angela crying under "Red".
    My So-Called Life // Why Jordan Can't Read

angelaonel
  • Angela: "And by the way, I spell my name with one 'l'."
    My So-Called Life // Self Esteem

angelinajoliemom
  • Cameron: "Who was that?"
    House: "Angelina Jolie. I call her “Mom.” Who thinks that’s sexy?"
    House // Daddy's Boy

angryvirgin
  • Sally: "I'm a big angry virgin, and I'm happy about it!"
    Third Rock from the Sun


annefranklucky
  • Ms Mayhew: "Anne Frank perished in a concentration camp. Anne Frank is a tragic figure. How could Anne Frank be lucky?"
    Angela: "I don't know. 'Cause she was trapped in an attic for three years with this guy she really liked?"
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

annefranksophomore
  • Graham: "Um, how's school?"
    Angela: "I'm starting to like 'Anne Frank'."
    Graham: "Is she a sophomore too?"
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

annoyingdana
  • Rayanne: "Dana. She's got, hey, she's got hair tails, and then three little studs in each ear. She used to wear her eyeliner pointy like catwoman, now she wears it smudged. And her feet are the perfect kind, they're small with the really high arch."
    Rickie: "So, what about her?"
    Rayanne: "Nothing, she just annoys me."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

anonymoussex
  • Vic: "And don't fear exposure. No one is to put his or her name down. This will be completely anonymous."
    Rayanne: "Just how I like sex."
    My So-Called Life // The Substitute

answeryourass
  • Jaye: "So, why do you have an ass if you don't answer it?"
    Wonderfalls // Wax Lion

antibioticspain
  • Foreman: "The biopsy will tell us for sure what's wrong."
    House: "The antibiotics could do the same thing."
    Foreman: "Could, not will."
    House: "We try, we see..."
    Foreman: "The antibiotics will bring back the pain!"
    House // Euphoria

antisemantic
  • Moriarty: "You don't care if you live or die?"
    House: "I care because I live. I can't care if I'm dead."
    Moriarty: "I don't wanna hear semantics."
    House: "You anti-semantic bastard!"
    House // No Reason

antmchocolate
  • Bre: "Sometimes I come home late at night, and I pick up nice piece of ANTM chocolate. I love...mmmmm. ANTM chocolate. This is awesome."
    America's Next Top Model

anythingfortendollars
  • Phoebe: "Do you have anything in here for $10?"
    Jeweler: "Uh, yes. I have these two, rather beautiful, five dollar bills."
    Friends // The One With The Ring

anythingme
  • Angela: "Then everything started to seem perfect, for some reason. The feel of his shirt against my elbow. The fact that I still had an elbow. It was the perfect moment for him to kiss me...for him to anything me."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

appalledithink
  • Wolf: "If I get eliminated tonight, I'll be appalled. Is that a bad word? It don't mean something good, do it?"
    I Love New York 2

arrowgeniuszone
  • Rayanne: "What is holding hands? I don't get it. What are hands? It's not even an arrow-genous zone."
    Sharon: "Erogenous."
    My So-Called Life // Self Esteem

artistsscrewourselves
  • Jane: "See, we're like artists. And this is how we screw ourselves."
    Daria // Monsters

aslongasyoudontdropit
  • Trent: "No problem. I needed a break anyway. I've been practicing for ten hours straight."
    Jane: "Daria, would you say sleeping with a guitar in your hands counts as practicing?"
    Trent: "As long as you don't drop it."
    Daria // The Invitation

assassass
  • Chance: "Give me a hug, bitch, please. I ain't hugging your ass. I already done slapped your ass, shook your ass, tapped that ass. Man, get your ass up out of here."
    I Love New York

assfreeze
  • Don: "Ass right there, freeze hole!"
    Third Rock From the Sun

assjuice
  • George: "It tastes like ass. Try that."
    Mason: "I'm trying to stay off the arse juice for now, but, you know, thank you."
    Dead Like Me // Send in the Clown

assringing
  • Jaye: "Your ass is ringing."
    Eric: "My ass rings a lot."
    Jaye: "You ever think about setting it on vibrate?"
    Eric: "I don't think I'm secure enough in my manhood to do that."
    Wonderfalls // Wax Lion

assumepainintheass
  • House: "What's that saying? When you *ass*ume, you become a pain in the ass to me?"
    House // Forever

ateherfamily
  • Miss Li: "How do you know it wasn't for her family?"
    Jane: "She has no family. She ate them."
    Daria // Cafe Disaffecto

autopsylivingperson
  • House: "Is it still illegal to perform an autopsy on a living person?"
    Cuddy: "Are you high?"
    House: "If it's Tuesday, I'm wasted."
    House // Autopsy

avoidanymore
  • Daria: "Are you avoiding me?"
    Jane: "Uh...not anymore?"
    Daria // The Misery Chick

B


baboonsassbackside
  • Santino: "She looks like, like a baboon's ass exploded on her backside."
    Project Runway

babyclothes
  • Trudy: "You know, I collect baby clothes that I buy on sale. Just in case."
    Guy: "You collect baby clothes?"
    Reno 911

babyfoodcoupons
  • Dr O'Neill: "That's the last of them. Now, normally, this is where we'd fit you for dentures. But you're a teacher, right?"
    Mr DeMarteno: "Mm hmmm."
    Dr O'Neill: "Okay, then, here's some baby food coupons."
    Daria // Legends of the Mall

babyhydrolift
  • Henry: "This guy with pliars comes in, probably with safety goggles, maybe some sort of fire retardant coverall. He starts doing his thing, twisting and turning. There's all sorts of fluids just squirting all over the place. Then this hydrolic lift comes into play, wheeling everything out of there. There you have it, alright?"
    Young Shawn: "Wait, that's how babies are born? With a hydrolic lift?"
    Henry: "More or less, yes."
    Psych // Rob-a-Bye Baby

babyout
  • Will: "Let's start with his stomach. It's soft, like a baby's. And like a baby, HE JUST CAME OUT!"
    Will & Grace // Gay it Forward

backseatdriver
  • Danielle: "Hotel. Right here. Hotel, fast. Vroom vroom. Got to go. Hotel. You understand me, right there. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Hotel."
    America's Next Top Model

Bacon
  • Dog: "Only one thing smells like Bacon, and that's Bacon. It's Baaaccoonn!"

backstabjew
  • Trudy: "Rainesha Williams... is a loudmouth, backstabbing... Jew. I wanna say Jew, but I think she's in fact very openly Catholic, which I have a problem with, too."
    Reno 911

badgayman
  • Will: "Am I a bad gay man?"
    Grace: "Yes."
    Will: "How can you answer that so easily?"
    Grace: "Because yesterday when I saw you that you didn't leave me any milk for my coffee, I remember thinking, 'Bad gay man! Bad gay man!'"
    Will and Grace // Will Works Out

badpokergoodhooker
  • Cameron: "Why would you need $5,000?"
    Chase: "Bad night at poker or great night with a hooker."
    House: "Thank you for saving me the trouble of deflecting that personal question with a joke."
    House // Daddy's Boy

bananafucker
  • Lisa Kudrow: "Meet Princess Consuela Banana [BLEEP]."
    Paul Rudd: "You can't change your name to banana [BLEEP]!"
    Friends // The Gag Reel

bballplayercollege
  • Cameron: "Do you have any idea what it feels like to have a 6 foot hose shoved into your large intestine?"
    House: "No. But I now have a much greater respect for whichever basketball player you dated in college."
    House // Sleeping Dogs Lie

beckyvagina
  • Becky: "The teacher told me that she could see my little vagina."
    Instructor: "We don't want to see your...Britney, let's say."
    Becky: "I ain't trying to show my little vagina to nobody."
    Charm School

beenwithwoman
  • Mouth-Breather: "Oh, please! Don't kill me! I can't die! I've never been with a woman!"
    Robber: "You!"
    Sharon: "I have been with a woman!"
    Wonderfalls // Caged Bird

befriend
  • Dick: "I find you pompous, judgemental, and completely self absorbed! Would you be my friend?"
    Third Rock from the Sun

beggarsbooze
  • Jane: "Well, that's not exactly an apology, but you know what they say about beggars."
    Trent: "That they'll only spend it on booze?"
    Jane: "Whatever."
    Daria // Is It College Yet?

behaveexdrugaddict
  • Rube: "You wanna be an ex-drug addict, why don't you behave like one, huh?"
    Dead Like Me // Send in the Clown

bellyprostitute
  • Daisy: "That young woman is going to give her heart to a nice young man who has reading glasses and a tweed jacket and who has never done blow off the belly of a dead prostitute."
    Dead Like Me // Sunday Mornings

bendover
  • Dennis the Menace: "Okay, bend over!"

bendoverfordestiny
  • Jaye: "We might as well go ahead and bend over for destiny now."
    Wonderfalls // Caged Bird

betweennames
  • M.C.: "The first group is, um called, um, um, Frozen, uh, this was...What is this?"
    Jordan: "Uh, that's not our name."
    M.C.: "Embers?"
    Jordan: "We're, uh, between names."
    M.C.: "Between Names."
    Man: "All right, Between Names."
    My So-Called Life // On The Wagon

beyourselfsortof
  • Daisy: "Just be yourself."
    Mason: "Okay."
    Daisy: "Only smarter, richer, more successful, clean shaven, and I'm guessing a bigger cock."
    Dead Like Me

bigandtopsecret
  • Shawn: "Do you realize what this means? It means we're taking it to the next level. She said 'big' and 'top secret', that's two of our favorite 80's movies!"
    Psych // Rob-a-Bye Baby

bigbutt
  • Bart: "Will the owner of the great big butt please move it out of my face?"
    The Simpsons

bigdealfleshwound
  • Rayanne: "What is the big deal? I mean it's not like anybody even got a flesh wound."
    My So-Called Life // Guns n Gossip

bigfatturd
  • Sarah Michelle Gellar: "I hate you, you big fat turd!"
    Saturday Night Live

biggercocksucker
  • Mason: "I've had my ass kicked by bigger cocksuckers than you."
    Dead Like Me // Death Defying

billclintonschoolgirls
  • Sapphyri: "I'm thinking, who could this be? Bill Clinton? He likes school girls."
    Charm School

bingbong
  • Finch: "Crank it, spank it, smack it on the bing bong!"
    Just Shoot Me

bionic
  • Sound from The Bionic Man.

birdpimp
  • Jaye: "I've never seen anyone work so hard to get someone else laid in my entire life. You're like the total mack daddy bird pimp."
    Wonderfalls // Safety Canary

bitchdumbass
  • Mr Jay: "Bitch! Dumbass!"
    America's Next Top Model

bitchslaplaw
  • Jack: "I bitchslapped the law and the law one."
    Will & Grace

bitchtroll
  • Joanna: "Oh, you little bitch troll from hell."
    Absolutely Fabulous

bittersdoom
  • Ms Bitters: "As I was saying, the universe is just DOOMED. Doomed, doomed, dooooooomed!"
    Invader Zim

blessunion
  • Karen: "I'm seeing Malcolm now. I want you to accept that and bless our union."
    Jack: "I can't do that!"
    Karen: "Bless it!"
    Jack: "No!"
    Karen: "Bless It!!"
    Jack: "No!!"
    Karen: "ACHOO!"
    Jack: "Bless you!"
    Karen: Ha ha ha!"
    Will and Grace // Steams Like Old Times

bloatedidiot
  • Ren: "You fat, bloated idiots!"
    Ren and Stimpy

blueclu
  • The mail song from Blues Clues.
    Blues Clues

bodiesandfaces
  • Barry: "Are gay guys only about bodies and faces?"
    Jack: Absolutely not. They're only about bodies. Faces you can cover up with a cute hat or leather hood."
    Will & Grace // Attack of the Clones

boing
  • Beavis making the boioioioioing sound.

bonesbighead
  • Parker: "My dad knows a burgers place."
    Booth: "Yeah, I used to take him there after his t-ball. Tell Drew about the burgers."
    Parker: "He says they're as big as my-"
    Booth: "Head!"
    Bones // Mother and Child in the Bay

bongwater
  • Chick: "I'm thirsty."
    Guy: "There's bong water." ::giggling::
    Chick: "Bong water!"
    Sex in the City

bornyesterday
  • Jordan: "That's uh...I mean, that's Angela's."
    Brian: "Um, Shouldn't it prove that she's 21?"
    Jordan: "So?"
    Brian: "So according to this she was born yesterday."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

borrowsixthousand
  • Quinn: "I need to borrow six thousand dollars."
    Daria: "I don't have six thousand dollars."
    Quinn: "It's an emergency!"
    Jane: "Well, if it's an emergency-"
    Daria // Too Cute

bowlingblow
  • Delores: "Think of bowling as two and a half hours a week where you won't have to think about sucking blow through a bendy-straw off a fast food restaurant sink."
    Dead Like Me // My Room

bowlweirdos
  • Gonzo: "I thought this was bowling for weirdos!"

boygeorge
  • Will: "Boy George, I think he's got it!"
    Will & Grace // Attack of the Clones

braincrotch
  • House: "When guys have brain/crotch problems, it’s usually the result of using one too much and the other too little."
    House // Sex Kills

braindamagecoffee
  • House: "I take mine black. The way I take my brain-damaged neurologist."
    House // Forever

breakhip
  • Phoebe: "If you don't meet her now, you're gonna be kicking yourself when you're 80, which is hard to do, and that's how you break a hip."
    Friends // The One With Barry and Mindy's Wedding

breastsbetween
  • Angela: "The sad truth is, my breasts have come between us."
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

breastsenlarged
  • Kid: "What do you do when you're not working?"
    Sarah Michelle Gellar: "Oh. You know, shop, go to the movies, and get my breasts enlarged."
    Saturday Night Live

brettscent
  • Heather: "I really need to go shower, but I don't think I want to take his scent off me. I think I'd rather just sit here and...can you smell it? Can you smell him on me?"
    Rock of Love

bringittolife
  • Karen: "What's going on? What do I do? How do I bring it to life? Oh, wait, that sounds like me on my wedding night!"
    Will and Grace // Alley Cats

britnkevromnjul
  • Britney: "Oh, Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou, Romeo?"
    Kevin: "I'm right here, babe."
    Britney: "Deny thy father, and refuse they name. Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no long be a Caplet."
    Kevin: "Hey! Yo! I'm down here. Check it out."
    Daria // Cafe Disaffecto

bunny
  • The Bunny song from Veggie Tales.

bunnymeth
  • House: "It could cause her to twitch like a bunny on crystal meth."
    House // Histories

bunnywabbit
  • Sally: "I know, he's my wittle bunny wabbit!"
    Third Rock from the Sun

byob
  • Mr. DeMartino: "Jonestown: one charismatic leader exerting his demonic will over scores of followers. What lesson can we take from this tragic example of herd-like behavior? Kevin?"
    Kevin: "Uh... BYOB?"
    Mr. DeMartino: "Please return to your stupor, Kevin..."
    Kevin: "Okay!"
    Daria // Pinch Sitter

C

callhelp
  • James: "Oh, God, call for help."
    Trudy: "Help. Help."
    James: "Use your goddamn radio. Oh, son of a bitch."
    Reno 911

callmedot
  • Man: "So, we meet again, Princess."
    Dot: "That's Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bo Besca The Third but you can call me Dot."
    Animaniacs

calmdowncrazy
  • Mr Jay: "Calm down. This is the crazy scene."
    America's Next Top Model

cantaccuselying
  • Mr Demartino: "Perhaps you would like to share with us your knowledge in this matter."
    Kevin: "But I don't know anything!"
    Daria: "Can't accuse him of lying there."
    Daria // Murder She Snored

cantcallshotgun
  • Shawn: "Shotgun!"
    Gus: "You can't call shotgun in a blimp!"
    Shawn: "You can call shotgun everywhere except a crowded movie theater."
    Psych // Rob-a-Bye Baby

cantgetitin
  • Brian: "I can't get it in, hold on."
    Rayanne: "Rookie."
    My So-Called Life // Weekend

cantgoanywhere
  • Jordan: "Get in."
    Angela: "I...I...I can't ...go anywhere...I mean I should stay here...Uh, it's a long story."
    Jordan: "I didn't say go anywhere."
    Angela: "Oh. Ok."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

canthavenicethings
  • Jaye: "I let him go. I had to let him go. I didn't want to let him go. I wanted to keep this one. Why can't I have nice things?"
    Wonderfalls // Caged Bird

capitolhill
  • Brain: "We must head to a place where overweight, middle-aged people go to party and throw away money."
    Pinky: "Capitol Hill?"
    Pinky and the Brain

cartoonswillruinyourmind
  • Ren: "Listen to me, man. I'm your friend. Don't you know cartoons will ruin your mind? Look what it's done to your brain!"
    Ren and Stimpy

casualroughsex
  • House: "What else turns you on? Drugs? Casual sex? Rough sex? Casual rough sex?"
    House // Deception

cattleprod
  • Jane: "Questoning a suspect is more fun with a cattle prod."
    Daria: "What isn't?"
    Daria // Murder She Snored

causeaseizure
  • House: "Strobing lights and high-pitched sounds can provoke a seizure. [Proceeds to spaz out]"
    House // Euphoria

cellulitehandicap
  • Woman: "I saw you parked your jag in the handicapped spot, Sarah. Is cellulite now a recognized handicap?"
    Dead Like Me // The Shallow End

cemetarydepressing
  • Brittany: "I wish they'd get the funeral over with. This cemetary's kinda depressing."
    Jane: "Maybe they should get rid of all the dead people."
    Brittany: "Good idea!"
    Daria // Murder She Snored

chaseshrine
  • House: "She’s got pictures of you in here. Just you and…it’s like some kind of weird shrine."
    Chase: "You’re kidding."
    House: "Yeah."
    House // Humpty Dumpty

chattin
  • Darlene: "Just sittin' around with the girls, eatin' salads, chattin' about sore nipples and waitin' for the prozac to kick in."
    Roseanne

cheercult
  • Mr DeMartino: "Can anyone give me another example of a group using coercive techniques such as peer pressure, chanting, and social isolation to achieve control over its members? Brittany?"
    Brittany: "Cheerleading?"
    Daria // Pinch Sitter

cheeronyourown
  • Angela: "Like cheerleaders, can't people just cheer on their own, like, to themselves."
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

cheeseburger
  • Jim Belushi: "Cheesburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!"
    Saturday Night Live

chickbiology
  • Kevin: "Daria, you're a chick, right?"
    Daria: "Why? You have a Biology test today?"
    Daria // Cafe Disaffecto

chicken
  • Gir: "CHICKEN! Hee hee hee hee hee! I'm gonna eat you!"
    Invader Zim

chickenpot
  • Chick: "The chicken wings! If they see billions of chicken wings, they're gonna know! We were smokin' the pot!"
    Sex and the City

chickensoupstupid
  • Daria: "Oh, I know that book. Chicken soup for the stupid."
    Daria // Groped by an Angel

chickenwings
  • It: "We never chilled and ate chicken wings on a bench, or ate french fries outside on a bench in the projects, you know what I'm saying?"
    I Love New York 2

chocmarshbunnies
  • House: "Me, I'm a freak. I get off on not being in pain. That and chocolate-covered marshmallow bunnies."
    House // Love Hurts

chocolate
  • Homer: "Mmm....chocolate...."
    The Simpsons

chokeabitch
  • "Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?"
    The Dave Chappelle Show

cinderellie
  • Phoebe: "Build the unit, Cinderellie. Lay the tile, Cinderellie."
    Friends // The One With Frank, Jr

clicheshappen
  • Graham: "Cliches happen."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

clifforclint
  • Quinn: "Yes, on a date! But we're in love, and all the rules and regulations in the world can't stop that!"
    Jake: "In love?!"
    Helen: "With who?"
    Quinn: "His name is Cliff. No, wait, it's Clint. I'm not positive, but I can find out in school."
    Daria // The Big House

Clone
  • "If I had a clone, I'd make out with myself."
    Sarah Michelle Gellar from The View skit on SNL

cloudskill
  • Shawn: "Because clouds don't kill people, people kill people."
    Psych // Cloudy, Chance of Murder

Coffee1
  • "Where the hell do you get the nerve?! You invite me up for cofee and then you don't call me back for 4 days? I don't like coffee! I don't have to come up! I'd like to get one more shot at the coffee just so I could spit it in your face!"
    Seinfeld

collectfakeid
  • Angela: "What's the plan?"
    Rayanne: "You are goanna so love having a fake ID. I like collect them. I'm addicted."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

collegefund
  • Ms Li: "Show your school spirit and dip into your college fund. Thank you!"
    Daria: "Now I'll never be able to buy that college."
    Daria // Just Add Water

complainalot
  • Daria: "Do you think I complain a lot?"
    Tom: "What are you bitching about now?"
    Daria // Fizz Ed

constipator
  • George: "Do you not like me anymore?"
    Rube: "Not right this minute. You're a constipator, peanut. You disturb my shit, and that's annoying."
    Dead Like Me // Reapercussions

contact
  • Brian: "Finally, an erection from actual physical contact."
    My So-Called Life // Life of Brian

contractwithsatan
  • Kid: "Britney, what is a normal day in your life like?"
    Sarah Michelle Gellar: "Oh, the same as any kid. You know, I wake up around noon, go for a bikini wax, have lunch with my publicist, take a Tai Bo class with N*Sync, and then I meet with my attorneys to see if they can get me out of my contract with Satan."
    Saturday Night Live

cookiehead
  • John Cleese: "You have the head of a cookie. I want to eat you."
    Third Rock From the Sun

cookiesnporn
  • Ross: "Cookies and porn. You're the best mom ever!"
    Friends // The One with Rachel's Crush

coolnslutty
  • Sharon: "What, like you're not *cool* enough for him to like be seen with you?"
    Rayanne: "Exactly, and she's not slutty enough for him to just do with her ragged to his buds."
    My So-Called Life // Self Esteem

corpseportrayal
  • Mr Demarteno: "Your ridiculous portrayal of a corpse is an insult to widows and orphans and me!"
    Daria // Murder She Snored

couldakilledhim
  • Angela: "I could have killed him."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

couldyousiren
  • Rayanne: "Could you do the siren? Please, please, please."
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

courtroomgroupie
  • Shawn: "Please tell me you're not one of those courtroom groupies that bounces from trial to trial. Wait a second, was that you at the Michael Jackson hearing with the sequined glove and the shirt that said 'Free the man in the mirror'?"
    Psych // Cloudy, Chance of Murder

coverzit
  • Brian: "That's right, cover that zit."
    Angela: "Want me to do yours?"
    Brian: "Oh, that hurt."
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

cprondad
  • Jack: "I know CPR."
    Karen: "You know CPR?"
    Jack: "Oh yeah. I had to do it on my father when I told him I was gay."
    Will and Grace // Alley Cats

crackheadhasstereo
  • George: "You couldn't have called?"
    Mason: "Oh, I wanted to play a record."
    George: "What's wrong with your stereo?"
    Mason: "Well, the crackhead I sold it to has it."
    Dead Like Me // In Escrow

crazyfuckingfuck
  • Mason: "Crazy fucking fuck."
    George: "Oh, how I wish the words would roll off my tongue as they do yours."
    Dead Like Me // Send in the Clown

crazylikeastraw
  • Chandler: "Is she crazy?"
    Monica: "Like a straw."
    Friends // The One Where No One's Ready

crazysataniccult
  • Angela: "Are you crazy? Were you raised in a satanic cult?"
    Rickie: "She wishes."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

creamofbs
  • George: "What's the soup today?"
    Rube: "Cream of Bullshit."
    Dead Like Me // Reapercussions

creepytrain
  • Shawn: "Dude, he put you on the creepy train headed for creep island where the natives drink creep nectar out of creepy coconut shells..."
    Psych // 9 Lives

crisis
  • Butthead: "I have a crisis. In my pants.
    Beavis and Butthead

cruelandunusualhell
  • Mr DeMartino: "Sitting in circles, stupid SONGs. Arts and CRAFTS. Cruel and unusual HELL!"
    Daria // Is It Fall Yet?

crushhead
  • Guy: "I'm crushing your head!"
    Kids in the Hall

cryptlaugh
  • The crypt keeper's laugh.
    Tales From the Crypt

curedeath
  • Chase: "You want us to do a deferential diagnosis on a dead person?"
    House: "We're going to cure her."
    Cameron: "We're going to cure death?"
    House: "Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
    House // Sex Kills

cute1
  • Dot: "I'm the cute one!"
    Animaniacs

cutegrandparents
  • Monica: "How did you get to be so cute?"
    Chandler: "Well, my grandfather was Swedish and my grandmother was actually a tiny little bunny."
    Friends // The One Where Everybody Finds Out

cuterfeet
  • Rayanne: "But yours are really little."
    Angela: "But they're fat, they're like fatter."
    Rayanne: "Rickie, who has cuter feet?"
    Rickie: "Me!"
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

cutthroatingness
  • Jade: "I've dealt with that type of cut throatingness."
    America's Next Top Model

cyberhood
  • Mr Oneil: "It's a beautiful day in the cyberhood."
    Daria // Cafe Disaffecto

D

dadattractive
  • Rayanne: "So, not to shock you, but your dad's attractive."
    Angela: "Oh, I'm sure."
    Rayanne: "Not that I'd attack him or anything, but I wouldn't leave me alone with him either."
    My So-Called Life // Father Figures

daddysmokes
  • House: "Mommy and Daddy are fighting, but we love you all the same as before. Now go out and play. Bring Daddy some smokes and an arterial blood gas test."
    House // Acceptance

dadwarmup
  • Angela: "When my father warms something up, it tastes better than when anyone else does."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

dammit
  • Daria: "Dammit! Dammit dammit dammit!"
    Daria // Dye, Dye, My Darling!

damncomputer
  • Jake: "DAMN COMPUTER! It ate everything! Big fat smug damned stupid crappity piece of crappity crap!
    Daria // Sappy Anniversary

damnpsychiatrists
  • Jordan: "What about that other thing...you said your parents always say."
    Brian: "My parents are psychiatrists, okay? You can't go by them."
    My So-Called Life // In Dreams Begin Responsibilities

danceyourcaresaway
  • Fraggles: "Dance your cares away. Worry's for another day. Let the music play. Down in fraggle rock."
    Fraggle Rock

dancingwith
  • Devil: "Just who do you think you're dancing with?"
    Strange Frequency

dariabuffy
  • Quinn: "We'll be through the criminal justice system and home in time for Buffy!"
    Daria // Speed Trapped

dariafairytales
  • Daria: "So Cinderella skipped the ball and asked her fairy Godmother to make her the first woman president. Realizing that the monarchy was becoming obsolete, the prince opened a video store."
    Tad: "That's not how it goes."
    Tricia: "But I like it better this way."
    Jane: "And then, the little engine decided that he just wasn't the competitive type."
    Daria: "So Old Mother Hubbard tracked down the deadbeat loser and made him pay child support."
    Jane: "And the dish ran away with the spoon, but Hawaii was the only state which would recognize the marriage as legal."
    Daria // Pinch Sitter

dariaruininglife
  • Quinn: "MOM! Dad! Daria is ruining my life AGAIN!"
    Daria // The Invitation

dariatmi
  • Daria: "I see. Walking away now with too much information."
    Daria // I Loathe a Parade

dariavision
  • Mr Oneil: "Right here and now, let's pledge to make Daria's dream a reality."
    Daria: "You mean the one where people walking down the street burst into flames?"
    Daria // Cafe Disaffecto

darya
  • Jane: "Daria thinks the name Mystik Spiral sounds like a Doors cover band that plays brew pubs. Don't ya, Daria?"
    Daria: "That's not exactly what I-"
    Trent: "Hmmm...maybe you're right. Would it help if we spelled mystik with two Y's?"
    Daria: "[thinking] "And I'll spell my name D-A-R-Y-A and be crowned Miss America." [out loud] "It might. "
    Daria // Road Worrier

daughterslut
  • Heather: "Your daughter's a slut!"
    Rock of Love

deadbabybutt
  • House: "Chase, will you get your head out of the dead baby's butt and focus on the barely alive-"
    House // Forever

deadbirdbutt
  • Roseanne: "Here I am, 5:00 in the morning, stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt."
    Roseanne

deadcalmboat
  • Shawn: "Dude, I'm pretty sure this is the boat from Dead Calm."
    Gus: "Great, now I have to worry about Billy Zane, too?"
    Psych // Bounty Hunters!

deadlutheran
  • George: "You cannot go out with this Brennan guy, it would never work. You're a Taurus, he's a Gemini. He's a Lutheran, you're dead."
    Dead Like Me // Send in the Clown

deadrabbit
  • Janice: "There's dignity and respect in the fashion industry. Some guy stripping down t his bare-assed nothing and showing us his dead rabbit? That's not cool."
    Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency

dedicateshoot
  • Moriarty: "You wasted your life."
    House: "Yeah. If only I'd spent more time dedicating myself to finding someone worthy to shoot."
    House // No Reason

deeppeople
  • Quin: "FOR your information, THIS is how deep people dress."
    Daria: "Yeah, deeply affected people."
    Daria // Quinn the Brain

defythechicken
  • Eric: "Well, then help her."
    Jaye: "But...the chicken!"
    Eric: "Defy the chicken."
    Wonderfalls // Pink Flamingo

delusionaltalk
  • Daria: "There's nothing to talk about. You're delusional."
    Jane: "Oh, well, in that case I can just talk to myself about it."
    Daria // Dye, Dye My Darling

depoprovara
  • Tony: "I want to get Depo Provara."
    House: "Actually, at your age, as long as you're careful, the risk of you getting pregnant is pretty limited."
    House // Sex Kills

depressedorgasm
  • Darrin: "You don't just start popping pills because you feel down. There are other ways to deal with depression. Sweetheart, when's the last time you had an orgasm?"
    Wonderfalls // Wax Lion

depth
  • Daria: "Sometimes your shallowness is so thorough, it's almost like depth."
    Daria // Quinn the Brain

deralictcretin
  • Rayanne: "So how come it's all over school. I mean, you're not talking it up like some low-life derelict cretin telling everyone you did her are you? Just checking."
    My So-Called Life // Guns n Gossip

despicable
  • Daffy Duck: "You're despicable.

developedcat
  • Danielle: "Mom, I can't be catwoman. Sheri Hickey is going to be catwoman. And she's, like, developed."
    My So-Called Life // Halloween

developfeet
  • Julie: "You have huge feet too. I like that."
    Grace: "Yeah. I waited my whole life to develop, and those are the only things that grew."
    Will & Grace // Gay it Forward

divinehealthmanage
  • House: "So, you're a faith healer? Or is that a perjorative? Do you prefer something like 'divine health management'?"
    House // House vs God

devourwork
  • Dr. Staretski: "You'd probably devour my entire body of work."
    Two Guys and a Girl // Mother's Day

dexterdeckthehalls
  • Rusty: "Deck the halls with parts of bodies, fa la la la la la la la la."
    Dexter // Truth Be Told

dexteremotionalroad
  • Dexter: "No, I mean, what if she wants something more emotionally?"
    Angel: "Don't go down that emotional road. Just go down on her. It's easier, and she'll be distracted."
    Dexter // Love American Style

dexterfreedom
  • Police Officer: "Freedom's just another word for one more way to get fucked."
    Dexter // Love American Style

dialatedamundo
  • Phoebe: "It's very weird! I don't want some guy down there telling me I'm, you know, dilated-amundo!"
    Friends // The One Hundredth

dictatorboots
  • Daria: "I mean, watch the bloodshed on the evening news and then tell me there are guardian angels."
    Jane: "Well, someone's keeping those dictators in combat boots."
    Daria // Groped by an Angel

didshegetofftheplane
  • Ross: "Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?"
    Rachel: "I got off the plane."
    Friends // The Last One

dieincab
  • Ross: "Oh, my god, Phoebe slow down."
    Phoebe: "Do you want to get there or not?"
    Ross: "Yes, but I don't want to die in your cab!"
    Phoebe: "You should have thought of that before you got in!"
    Friends // The Last One

dillhole
  • Chandler: "Get out of my chair, Dillhole!"
    Friends // The One Where No One's Ready

dionnedamned
  • Dionne: "I'll be damned."
    America's Next Top Model

dionnewhatthehell
  • Dionne: "What the hell?"
    America's Next Top Model

dirtyold
  • Berg: "I'm doctor Staretski. I became a professor of anatomy so I could be a dirty old man."
    Two Guys and a Girl // Mother's Day

discountass
  • Jaye: "That discount has to be presented at the time of purchase."
    Customer: "My ass. I'm presenting it now."
    Jaye: "Did you just say 'my ass'?"
    Wonderfalls // Wax Lion

divorcedfirsttime
  • Ross: "I've always wondered how different my life would be if I hadn't gotten divorced."
    Phoebe: "Which time?"
    Ross: "The first time!"
    Friends // The One That Could Have Been

dobbyfriend
  • Gollum: "You don't have any friends! Nobody likes you!"
    Schmeagol: "Dobby likes me!"
    Gollum: "Dobby! Dobby's a ::bleep::ing ::bleep::!"
    MTV Movie Awards

doctorbling
  • Rodney: "My son says you’re a manipulative bastard."
    House: "It’s a pet name. I call him Dr. Bling'."
    House // Euphoria

doermetoo
  • House: "Be a do'er, not a me-too'er."
    House // House vs God

dolllanguages
  • Karen: "The man is a doll! If dolls spoke seven languages and had enormous genitalia."
    Will: "I would like that doll."
    Will and Grace // Steams Like Old Times

dontgetit
  • Helen Morgendorfer: "We tell you over and over how wonderful you are, and you just. don't. get it. What's WRONG with you?!"
    Daria // Esteemsters

donthavesheep
  • Chandler: "I'm sorry, we don't have your sheep."
    Friends // The One With Barry and Mindy's Wedding

dontknowme
  • Bugs Bunny: "He don't know me vewy well, do he?"
dontmincewords
  • Angela: "You're like this curse that's just, just destroying my life! You can't just walk out and expect us to clean up after you. You're like this living, breathing bad luck omen!"
    Rayanne: "Don't mince words! Tell me how you feel."
    My So-Called Life // Weekend

dontsayhello
  • Angela: "Don't say 'hello', or anything."
    Jordan: "Hello?"
    My So-Called Life // Self Esteem

doobie
  • Penguin: "Doobie doobie doo..."
    Commercial

doomedchild
  • Ms Bitters: "Oh, you poor doomed child."
    Invader Zim

downbacksit
  • Muppet: "Down, Animal!"
    Animal: "Down!"
    Muppet: "Back!"
    Animal: "Back!"
    Muppet: "Sit!"
    Animal: "Sit!"

downinfragglerock
  • Fraggles: "Down in fraggle rock. Down in fraggle rock. Down in fraggle rock."
    Fraggle Rock

downside
  • Jane: "We would've made over a hundred bucks."
    Daria: "Yeah, and all we had to do was take a human life."
    Jane: "You always see the downside, don't you?"
    Daria // Cafe Disaffecto

doyouthinkimstupid
  • Brittany: "What do you think I am, stupid?"
    Kevin: "Wait, are you asking if I think you're stupid, or are you just calling me stupid?"
    Daria // Mart of Darkness

dratthesecomputers
  • Marvin the Martian: "Oh, drat these computers. They're so naughty and so complex. I could pinch them."
    Looney Tunes

dreamcoldcuts
  • Angela: "It's a dream. I'm having a dream. I've *had* this dream, only without the cold cuts."
    My So-Called Life // Pressure

dreamhouse
  • Barbie: "How dare you talk to me like that?! I have given my whole life to giving you the best of everything! Don't you have a Sparkle Fantasy Unicorn? Don't you live in a dream house?"
    Skipper: "It's not my dream! It's your dream!"
    Saturday Night Live

drfrankensteinwasgay
  • Grace: "Dr Frankenstein wasn't a homo!"
    Will: "Oh, really? He sewed together a bunch of guys to make the perfect man? Wrapped him in linen? Gave him a flat head so he could set a drink on it? Dr Frank was a 'mo, my friend. He was a 'mo."
    Will & Grace // Attack of the Clones

drivebyshooting
  • Angela: "My parents keep asking how school was. It's like saying, 'How was that drive-by shooting?'"
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

drowningstruggle
  • Eric: "Life can be sort of peaceful when you stop struggling."
    Jaye: "It's a lot like drowning that way."
    Wonderfalls // Wax Lion

drprescribe
  • Wiegel: "I take medication. Doctor prescribed, doctor prescribed medication for several audi... I have an auditority disorder which makes me a little bit nervous around people and lights."
    Reno 911

drummer
  • Herm: "Hey, Mason, what do you call a guy who hangs out with three musicians?"
    Mason: "I give up."
    Herm: "A drummer."
    Dead Like Me // Hurry

drums
  • Muppet: "Oh, yeah, that's Animal. Show 'em what you do, Animal!"
    Animal: "I want to eat drums!
    Muppet: "No, no, beat drums, BEAT drums!"
    Animal: "Beat drums! Beat drums!"Muppet: "Down, Animal!"
    Animal: "Down!"
    Muppet: "Back!"
    Animal: "Back!"
    Muppet: "Sit!"
    Animal: "Sit!"

drunkpig
  • Chef: "There's nothing worse than getting all drunk and waking up the next mornin' next to a pig."
    South Park

drvink
  • Dr Vink: "Vink's the name. Doctor Vink."
    Boy: "Doctor Fink?"
    Dr Vink: "VINK. With a va-va-va-va."
    Are You Afraid of the Dark?

duckseason
  • The entire exchange between Bugs and Daffy on whether it's Duck Season, or Wabbit Season.

duhsquared
  • Rayanne: "Duh, squared."
    My So-Called Life // Why Jordan Can't Read

dumberadvertised
  • Yakko: "Woah, dumber than advertised!"
    Animaniacs

dumdedum
  • A gorg (?) singing "A doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dum."
    Fraggle Rock

dwoah
  • Trent: "Hey, Janie. Hey, Dari-WOAH!"
    Daria // Partner's Complaint

dyingappearance
  • Brittany: "Wow, he doesn't look so good."
    Jane: "Dying can be harsh on a person's appearance."
    Daria // Murder She Snored

dyinggoodway
  • Brett: "The party was getting out of control, and it possibly could kill me. And I'm not talking about in a good dying way. I'm talking about actually dying way."
    Rock of Love

dyingloveyou
  • House: "You're dying, and suddenly everybody loves you."
    Wilson: "You have a cane, nobody even likes you."
    House: "I'm not terminal, merely pathetic. You wouldn't believe the crap people let me get away with."
    House // Autopsy

E


easybreezywrong
  • Danielle: "Easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Girl! What's wrong with me?!"
    America's Next Top Model

eatenandloveit
  • AJ: "Oh, you'll get eaten and love it."
    America's Next Top Model

eatingoutoffridge
  • Jane: "So how come every five minutes I feel like I'm going to throw up?"
    Trent: "I don't know. You haven't been eating out of the refrigerator again, have you?"
    Daria // Dye, Dye My Darling

eatingownfeces
  • Santino: "Yeah, eating my own feces is the key to everything."
    Project Runway

elizathree
  • David Letterman: "Nice to meet you."
    Eliza Dushku: "Thank you!"
    David: "Nice to meet all three of you."

embarrassingdegreeofsex
  • Angela: "Mom, I'm not having sex, alright. Really. I'm not even close. To an embarrassing degree."
    My So-Called Life // Guns n Gossip

encourageshoppers
  • Bianca: "Thank you for sh-shopping at W-wonderfalls. Come again!"
    Jaye: "Don't encourage them."
    Wonderfalls // Karma Chameleon

ernie
  • Ernie: "Hey, Bert? I brought home a surprise, Bert!"
    Sesame Street

essaywordsthink
  • Daria: "'What is Romeo and Juliet about?' Just write what you think and back it up. 200 words, minimum."
    Sandi: "An essay test?"
    Stacy: "200 words?"
    Tiffany: "Think...?"
    Daria // Lucky Strike

esteem
  • Jane: "I like having low self esteem. Makes me feel special."
    Daria // Esteemsters

estimateddamages
  • Student: "If I drive myself and his car off a bridge, what would be the estimated damages?"
    My So-Called Life // The Substitute

etbellybutton
  • Jane: "I've heard of fast healers, but this is ridiculous."
    Daria: "Gee, maybe ET came in my room and touched my navel while I slept."
    Jane: "Boy, Daria, you have the weirdest dreams."
    Daria // Pierce Me

eternalgraduation
  • Brittany: "But what about our eternal love that was supposed to last 'til graduation?"
    Daria // A Tree Grows in Lawndale

eversogood
  • Wacko: "Dear Santa, I have been ever so good this year. I would like a new mallet and a shiny brass anvil."
    Animaniacs

everydoghasitsday
  • Mystik Spiral: "You put me on a short leash and threw away my hydrant. You ate up all my kibble, now my coat's no longer vibrant. My nose is dry and chapped, but this puppy's here to stay. Scratch my belly, baby, every dog has it's day."
    Daria // Groped by an Angel

eviteforanything
  • Shawn: "Look, without protection, you might as well just send the killer an invitation saying, 'Hey, come on back, finish the job!' I wonder if they make invitations for that."
    Juliet: "I don't see why not. You can send an e-vite for anything."
    Shawn: "This is true."
    Psych // Game, Set, Muuuuuuurder

excitingincoma
  • Guy: "Yo, Graff. Why don't you come driving with us tonight."
    Rayanne: "That would be exciting. If I were in a coma."
    My So-Called Life // Guns n Gossip

excorcismknife
  • Katrina: "Do you believe in the holy spirit?"
    Jaye: "What are you gonna do with that knife?"
    Katrina: "Do you believe in the holy Catholic church, the communion of saints, and the remission of sin? Do you believe in the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting?"
    Jaye: "No! Yes! Could you repeat the second part?"
    Wonderfalls // Wound Up Penguin

excuuuseme
  • Steve Martin: "Excuuuuuuuuuuuse meeeeeee!!"
    Saturday Night Live

explainthirty
  • Angela: "Great. Wonderful. There's gotta be a key. Find it. And I'll explain this to you later. Like when you're thirty."
    My So-Called Life // Weekend

eyeliner
  • Rickie: "Okay, see the Egyptians, they wore eyeliner to...ward off the evil spirits. They believed that if they outlined their eyes, that the good spirits would spot 'em easier. I read it in a book. So that's why I tried it. The eyeliner, I mean."
    Brian: "So you believe in, like, evil spirits?"
    Rickie: "Oh no, I, I'm Catholic. Basically, I just like how it looks."
    My So-Called Life // The Zit

eyeshurt
  • Angela: "He's always closing his eyes, like it hurts to look at things."
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

F


fakelaughs
  • Will and Grace mocking each others' fake laughs.
    Will and Grace // Yours Mine and Ours

fakeundercoverwhore
  • Gary: "You're the prettiest fake undercover whore I've ever seen."
    Joey: "Nice."
    Friends // The One With The Cop

familyguy
  • Peter: "I'd sell my soul to be famous!"
    Devil: "I got a live one, Peter Griffin."
    Seth Green: "Ooh, sorry, chief, seems he already sold his soul in 1976 for Bee Gees tickets. Oh, and again in 1981 for half a mallomar."
    Family Guy

familysuffer
  • Daria: "Well, I guess I'd like my whole family to do something together."
    Mr Oneil: "Excellence!"
    Daria: "Something that will really make them suffer."
    Daria // Esteemsters

fantasyjerk
  • Professor: "Daria, I know it's only the first week of freshmen year, but I wonder if you'd consider transferring to the graduate school."
    Daria: "I'm not really sure I want to be a professional student."
    Professor: "But I don't want you to study. I want you to teach."
    Daria: "Well..."
    Professor: "Not here, of course. On our Paris campus."
    Daria: "Oh! Okay."
    Professor: "Superb! Now I can use your dorm room to carry on affairs with some of the more beautiful undergraduates. Thank you!"
    Daria: "How come even in my fantasies everyone's a jerk?"
    Daria // College Bored

farmwifephotographer
  • Ms Barch: "We will never play Farm Wife and National Geographic Photographer again!"
    Daria // Is It College Yet?

fashionmob
  • Daria: "You don't have to let the fashion mob push their classes on school grounds either."
    Jane: "Yeah, it's not fair to the drug dealers. They have to wait behind the parking lot."
    Daria // This Year's Model

fashiontips
  • Rickie: "Hi."
    Graham: "Hi."
    Rayanne: "Oh, look, Rickie and your dad are bonding."
    Angela: "Come on."
    Rickie: "Uh, well, bye."
    Graham: "Bye."
    Rayanne: "They're exchanging fashion tips."
    Angela : "Rayanne!"
    My So-Called Life // Father Figures

fatchalkoutline
  • Sandy: "The first thing we should do is find out where the body was dumped."
    Daria: "Well, not to jump to conclusion, but the crime scene tape might be a clue."
    Jane: "Really? I was gonna say the pool of blood."
    Quinn: "Look, a chalk outline."
    Sandy: "I wonder if it belongs to anybody."
    Tiffany: "I hope not, it's so fat."
    Daria // Murder She Snored

fatherisbrother
  • Receptionist: "Now, which of you is the father?"
    Phoebe: "Oh, no, none of them are the father. The father is my brother."
    Rachel: "I am so gonna miss watching you freak people out like that."
    Friends // The One Hundredth

fatloser
  • Dick: "Hello, my name is Dick, and I'm a fat loser."
    Third Rock From the Sun

favcolorbwue
  • House: "It's hilarious to watch him try and talk. I asked him anything I could think of. Favorite color...'bwue'."
    House // No Reason

fearbate
  • Randal: "Look how scared he is. He's shaking."
    Dante: "No, he's masturbating."
    Randal: "Yeah, but it's out of fear."
    Clerks: The Animated Series // Leonardo Is Caught In The Grip Of An Outbreak Of Randal's Imagination And Patrick Swayze Either Does Or Doesn't Work In The New Pet Store

Feelikea
  • "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't."

ferrarivagina
  • Robin: "Okay, yes, kids are not my favorite thing in the world, but I like them."
    Ted: "But you don't want to have them."
    Robin: "I like sports cars, but I don't want to push a Ferrari through my vagina."
    Barney: "Shotgun!"
    How I Met Your Mother // Little Boys

ferryman
  • Shawn: "I am professor Shawn Spencer. I will be your psychic ferryman over the River styx. That's Gus, my ferry."
    Psych // If You're So Smart, Then Why Are You Dead?

fetishcarving
  • Daria: "I hope your parents appreciate deconstructionism."
    Jane: "They won't even notice. Besides, they're in Greenland doing the walrus-tusk fertility-fetish carving thing."
    Daria: "Always keeping up with the Joneses."
    Daria // Art Burn

finebyme
  • Rachel: "You know, I can't believe I even THOUGHT of getting back together with you. We are SO over!"
    Ross: "::fake whimper:: FINE BY ME!"
    Friends // The One With the Jellyfish

finger
  • Pheobe: "It's such a shame you can't see what finger I'm holding up."
    Friends // The One With the Chicken Pox

fireinpants
  • Rube: "Where's the fire?"
    Mason: "That would be in my pants."
    Daisy: "That's probably syphillis."
    Dead Like Me // Vacation

firmandconsistent
  • Danielle: "Do I have to?"
    Patty: "We have to meet him. We have to be firm and consistent."
    Danielle: "Get a flu shot?"
    Patty: "Yes."
    Graham: "No."
    My So-Called Life // Pressure

fitsinyourheart
  • Angela: "Sometimes someone says something really small, and it just fits right into this empty place in your heart."
    My So-Called Life

flamewars
  • Sick Sad World Announcer: "Everyone hates a messageboard miscreant. But now you can do something about it! Flame war!"
    Daria // Is It College yet?

flashbeforeeyes
  • George: "They say that your entire life flashes in front of you the moment before you die, that might be true if you are terminally ill or your parachute doesn't open, but if death sneaks up on you the only thing you have time to think is...awww shit."
    Dead Like Me // Pilot

followfootsteps
  • Helen: "But Quinn, your father and I would love it if you kids followed in our footsteps."
    Quinn: "We're walking? Uh!"
    Daria // College Bored

fondlebum
  • Bailiff: "Please fondle my bum."
    Monty Python's Flying Circus

frenchshoes
  • House: "Your lips say no, but your shoes say yes."
    Wilson: "They're French. You can't trust a word they say."
    House // Fidelity

fridaywednesday
  • Jordan: "This doesn't seem like a Friday."
    Angela: "It's Thursday."
    Jordan: "Oh. Are you sure?"
    Angela: "Well, yesterday was Wednesday, so..."
    Jordan: "Oh... right."
    Angela: "So, that's how I know."
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

FRline
  • Joanna: "Congratulations, you've just crossed the line into completely useless. Get out."
    Friends // The One Where They're Gonna Party!

frozenembryos
  • Rayanne: "Oh, I almost forgot, Tino..."
    Rickie: "Uh, yeah. Didn't he say that uh..."
    Rayanne: "Yeah. See, I mentioned that you'd be dropping us and... and he said tell Catalano I'll meet him there, I got something I wanna tell him."
    Jordan: "About Frozen Embryos?"
    Rayanne: "What's that?"
    Jordan: "Just this band we might form."
    Rickie: "Yeah, I think that was..."
    Rayanne: "I think that was it."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

fryingpan
  • Chandler: "Yes, hitting her with a frying pan is a good idea. We might want to have a backup plan, though, in case she isn't a cartoon!"
    Friends // The One After the Superbowl

fuckingchickenpot
  • Guy: "Fuck the fucking chicken wings, man, where'd we put the fucking pot?"
    Sex and the City

fuckwithmegun
  • George: "This is where I felt it the first time. The universe was cocking the Fuck-With-Me gun."
    Dead Like Me // Sunday Mornings

funbitch
  • Bianca: "The fun bitch that like...that's what I categorize myself as. And then there's like the bitchy bitch that I've seen here."
    America's Next Top Model

funkymusic
  • Phoebe: "Come on, play that funky music, white boy."
    Friends // The One Where Chandler Crosses the Line

fwaggle
  • Gorg: "Ooh, hey look, there goes a fwaggle!"
    Fraggle Rock

G


gameofclue
  • Becky: "I feel like I'm in a big ass game of clue. Who took the picture in the purple room?"
    Charm School

gaybible
  • Jack: "Commandment number one in the gay bible. 'Thou shalt not covet my ex's ass!'"
    Will and Grace // Das Boob

gaydwarves
  • Arthur: "Do you approve of homosexuals?
    Maude: "Arthur, it doesn't matter whether I approve or I disapprove. They are human beings, they exist. It's like asking me if I approve of dwarves."
    Arthur: "Well, that's different. There's no such thing as gay dwarves."
    Maude: "Come on, Arthur, you've read Snow White. Seven little men living together like that? Wake up and smell the coffee."
    Maude

gayerspeedingbullet
  • Stephen Colbert: "Americans mimic the behavior of their heroes. So if Superman turns out to be gay, he'll turn America super-gay. We're talking gayer than a speeding bullet."

gayshirtoff
  • Grace: "You don't care! You're gay, right?"
    Owen: "Oh, right, right, I'm gay."
    Grace: "So, you don't mind if I-"
    Owen: "No, I'm gay. You should definitely take your shirt off."
    Will and Grace // A Chorus Lie

gayyears
  • Jack: "Oh my god, I'm thirty. Do you know what that is in gay years?"
    Will and Grace // Big Brother is Coming

george
  • Abominable Snowman: "Which way did he go, George, which way did he go?"
    Character: "Mmm, that way."
    Abominable Snowman: "Gee,George, thanks a lot!"

getdrunkcharming
  • Chandler: "Hey, I can be pretty charming, babe, I won you over, didn’t I?"
    Monica: "I don’t think you’ll ever get my parents that drunk!"
    Friends // The One Where Ross Got High

getridofallofus
  • Wax Lions: "You'll never get rid of all of us."
    Jaye: ::screams::
    Wonderfalls // Cocktail Bunny

getsomesomemoney
  • Wilson: "You really really need to get some."
    House: "I get some 'some' all the time. I always need to borrow 'some' money."
    House // Spin

gfmoanscream
  • Foreman: "Where are you?"
    House: "At your girlfriend’s place. Ignore the moaning and squeaking."
    House // Hunting

girlinthatmovie
  • Jaye: "You're like that girl in that movie who wanted to be like that other girl so much that she'd kill for it!"
    Bianca: "Grease?"
    Jaye: "Single White Female!"
    Wonderfalls // Karma Chameleon

girlnexthood
  • Jaslene: "I'm not your girl next door, but I'm your girl down the block, in your hood."
    America's Next Top Model

givinguplawyer
  • Daria: "She said it was wrong to encourage cheaters and to profit from them."
    Jane: "So, she's giving up being a lawyer?"
    Daria: "I asked her that. And I'm sure some day we'll once again be on speaking terms>"
    Daria // College Bored

goaway
  • Gaz: "Go away."
    Invader Zim

goddrunk
  • Jeffrey: "I ended up with Angela's mom, because I think God got drunk today."
    Project Runway

godownbitch
  • Sapphyri: "This shit is pissing me off. Just go down, bitch, go down!"
    Charm School

godtumor
  • Wilson: "How'd it go?"
    House: "She has God inside her. It would have been easier to deal with a tumor."
    House // Damned if You Do

goingtocatchhet
  • Jack: "Will, I told you. You live with a hetero long enough, you're going to catch it."
    Will and Grace // Yours Mine and Ours

goodbraindamage
  • House: "You're brain damaged. Doomed to feeling good for the rest of your life."
    House // Poison

goodpretendhappy
  • Angela: "Sometimes I think that if my mom weren't so good at pretending to be happy, she'd be better at actually being happy."
    My So-Called Life // Other People's Mothers

gotta love me
  • Baby Dinosaur: "I'm the baby! Gotta love me!"
    Dinosaurs

grammaschickensalad
  • Joey: "There's always room for Jello."
    Rachel: "Joey, how do you make THAT dirty?"
    Joey: "Oh, it's easy. I can do it with anything, watch. ::sexy voice:: Grandma's chicken salad."
    Friends // The One Hundredth

gratefuldeadtickets
  • Rayane: "We had Grateful Dead tickets. People don't sell Grateful Dead tickets. People give people Grateful Dead tickets."
    Angela: "I'm sorry. I just, I didn't think it was-"
    Rayanne: "Your dad gave those tickets to both of us, including me."
    My So-Called Life // Father Figures

greatthanksfuck
  • Claire: "Great! Thank you! FUCK!"
    Six Feet Under // Pilot

greekgodbook
  • Rube: "Bacchus has drowned many more men than Neptune."
    Mason: "Bacchus? Wha...?"
    Rube: "He's the Greek god of 'Why don't you read a fucking book?'"
    Dead Like Me // Send in the Clown

greeneggsandham
  • Daria: "Sorry to give away the surprise, but in the end, he eats the green eggs and the ham."
    Daria // Groped by an Angel

grindstone
  • Mr O'Neill: "Put your nose to the proverbial grindstone."
    Quinn: "What's wrong with my nose?"
    Daria // Is It Fall Yet?

growblow
  • Rachel: "How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?"
    Friends // The One Where Eddie Won't Leave

gunssafeschool
  • Rayanne: "Everyone knows there are, like, fifty guns in school at any given moment. And the fact that they haven't gone off before shows you what a totally safe place this is."
    My So-Called Life // Guns n Gossip

guysincapes
  • Henry: "Real heroes do not wear a cape, and they do not wear their underwear on the outside. The guys who wear capes? They're on angeldust."
    Psych // Shawn vs the Red Phantom

H


haha2
  • Nelson: "Ha ha!"
    The Simpsons

hairholdingback
  • Angela: "So when Rayanne Graff told me my hair was holding me back, I had to listen. 'Cause she wasn't just talking about my hair. She was talking about my life."
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

hairlesscats
  • Tom: "It is kind of bizarre."
    Daria: "No, hairless cats are bizarre."
    Daria // Life in the Past Lane

halfeatensheep
  • Wilson: "Doctor Jekyll, I presume? They found a half-eaten sheep in the zoo, and the police want to ask you a few questions."
    House: "Need something to wash it down."
    House // Distractions

halfjewish
  • House: "You Jewish?"
    Dr Gilmar: "Yeah."
    House: "Is it true what they say about Jewish foreplay?"
    Dr Gilmar: "Two hours of begging?"
    House: "I heard four."
    Dr Gilmar: "Well, actually I'm only half-Jewish."
    House // Kids

hamstringtwister
  • Crandall: "Heard about your leg."
    House: "Yeah, pulled my hamstring playing Twister. Just gonna walk it off."
    House // Who's Your Daddy

handcuffkey
  • Rayanne: "Look, I don't want to get into any big discussion or anything."
    Angela : "Oh, neither do I."
    Rayanne: "Oh, then why'd you ask me to stay?"
    Angela: "The key? I knew you couldn't resist."
    Rayanne: "Party pooper."
    My So-Called Life // Weekend

hangerinmouth
  • Monica: "I can’t stop smiling."
    Rachel: "I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth."
    Friends // The One Where It All Began

hansoloactionfigure
  • Skipper: "So, does that mean Ken's my father?"
    Barbie: "Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. Ken's not your father. The 70's were a crazy time, I experimented a lot. Your father is a Han Solo action figure."
    Skipper: "He's not even our scale, what kind of slut are you?!"
    Saturday Night Live

happyenough
  • Stinky Wizzleteats: "I don't think you're happy enough!"
    Ren and Stimpy

happyeric
  • Jaye: "Forget about your damage, I'm quite possibly certifiable. Why would you want to get involved with anything as potentially messy and complicated as...well...me?"
    Eric: "Because you make me happy."
    Wonderfalls // Lovesick Ass

happypanic
  • Patty: "Okay, now,I *refuse* to panic just because she's happy."
    Graham: "Although it's alarming."
    Patty: "Oh, it's *terribly* alarming."
    My So-Called Life // Self Esteem

harassedbyanangel
  • Quinn: "You wouldn't say that if your life was touched by an angel."
    Daria: "I'd be too busy suing for harassment."
    Daria // Groped by an Angel

haterabbit
  • Yosemite Sam: "I hates rabbits."

hatereallyfast
  • Will: "So, you've had coffee."
    Grace: "And I started popping No-Doz. Now I'm hating myself REALLY fast!"
    Will and Grace // My Fair Maidy

hateyou
  • Drew Carey: "Hate you in the morning, hate you in the evening, hate you at supper time. Oh, how I hate you, hate you all the time."
    The Drew Carey Show

haveadate
  • Eric: "It's gonna take me time to heal. Probably longer than I can guess. Which is why I think we should absolutely have a date."
    Wonderfalls // Lovesick Ass

haveyourboots
  • Jane: "Well, listen, now that you've got such a great attitude and everything, can I have your boots?"
    Daria: "Yeah, turn around and I'll give you one right now."
    Daria // Write Where it Hurts

healthanddental
  • Shawn: "I've worked out every last detail."
    Gus: "What's your dental plan?"
    Shawn: "Don't get cavities."
    Gus: "Health plan?"
    Shawn: "Same, but with hepatitis and shingles."
    Psych // Pilot

healthnotbreasts
  • Cameron: "Could we talk about her health instead of her breasts?"
    House: "Could be relevant."
    House // Skin Deep

heartbattlefield
  • Angela: "School is a battlefield, for your heart."
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

heatherleaves
  • Heather: "Since I've been here, I've learned so much. I've learned to be more confident, I've learned to not always be so self conscious. And that not everyone's gonna judge you just because you have...you were born a certain way. I think the experience is much more than a prize."
    America's Next Top Model // Cycle 9

heatloins
  • Ross: "Damn, this coffee's cold. Hey, Rach, do you mind if I heat this up on your loins?"
    Friends // The One With Rachel's Book

heatproofkitchenglove
  • Daria: "'My heart is like an open wound that reads the tealeaves of it's doom.' What? 'Soothe me with redemption's love like a heatproof kitchen glove'. God, I hope this is a first draft."
    Daria // Speed Trapped

hehbongwater
  • Guy: "Bong water."
    Sex in the City

heismantrophy
  • Mr Dimartino: "Promise me you'll come back and see me someday when you've got the Heisman trophy and a chain of auto dealerships, and I'm saving up for a second pair of pants. Will you promise me that, Kevin?"
    Kevin: "Sure!"
    Daria // Esteemsters

hell
  • Daria: "We are now entering hell. Please keep your hands and elbows inside the car."
    Daria // I Don't

hellomybaby
  • Wax Lion: "Hello, my baby..."
    Jaye: "Stop it!"
    Wax Lion: "You stop it. Ask him. Hello, my honey, hello my...ragtime gal. Send me a kiss by wire, baby my heart's on fire."
    Wonderfalls // Wax Lion

helovesgirls
  • Jane: "He's a snappy dresser in the classical-elegant sense. Plus, he has impecable manners and a biting whit."
    Daria "Oh, so he's-"
    Jane: "And he loves girls!"
    Daria // Life in the Past Lane

herbal
  • An Herbal Essences commercial.

heroinstand
  • Gus: "How does some 18-year old kid still living at home rake that kind of money?"
    Shawn: "Lemonade stand? That is if, instead of lemons, he's using heroin."
    Psych // Shawn vs the Red Phantom

herpeopledeny
  • Helen: "I mean, when a woman is elected president, it won't be because she got breast implants."
    Daria: "At least her people will deny it."
    Daria // Too Cute

heydude
  • The Hey Dude theme song.
    Hey Dude

heyhey
  • Fat Albert: "Hey, hey, hey!"
    Fat Albert

hiddenlivesofteachers
  • Angela: "Maybe teachers have a hidden life. Where they're actually, like human. Where they have, I don't know, dignity. Or maybe not."
    My So-Called Life // The Substitute

highspeedinternet
  • Helen: "Daria, you can't spend the rest of your life in there."
    Daria: "I can once they put in my high-speed internet connection."
    Daria // Boxing Daria

highstrunglapdog
  • Cuddy: "Why do you have to make everything so dramatic?"
    House: "Because I'm a very high-strung little lap dog."
    House // Role Model

higotohell
  • Jane: "Oh, hi. Go to hell!"
    Daria // Dye, Dye My Darling

hiho
  • Kermit: "Hi ho, and welcome back."

hijackedmybrain
  • Trent: "You've hijacked my brain."
    Jesse: "Moth to a flame."
    Trent: "If you don't release me..."
    Jesse: "It'll really be lame."
    Trent "No."
    Jesse "I'll forfeit the game."
    Trent: "Nah."
    Jesse: "My soul's waves of grain."
    Trent: "I've heard that somewhere before."
    Jane: "You're driving me insane!"
    Trent: "Too many syllables."
    Daria // It Happened One Nut

hineyho
  • Jombi: "Meka leka hi, meka hiney ho!"
    Pee Wee's Playhouse

hitbybullet
  • House: "He did, however get hit by a bullet. Just mentioning."
    Cameron: "He was shot?"
    House: "No, somebody threw it at him."
    House // Euphoria

hitlersugar
  • Tricia: "Sugar is bad."
    Tad: "Sugar rots your teeth.
    Tricia: "Sugar makes you hyper."
    Tad: "Hitler ate sugar."
    Daria // Pinch Sitter

hocontest
  • Heidi: "Okay, glass house, ___ with a married man for MONTHS!"
    Jaye: "The BELLMAN, lady! On your honeymoon! Between us, you win the skanky ho contest!"
    Wonderfalls // Lying Pig

hofashion
  • Tyra: "Most modeling is kind of acting like a ho, but making it fashion. Ho...but make it fashion. Ho...but make it fashion."
    America's Next Top Model

holdtonydanza
  • Rachel: "No way! The most romantic song ever was 'The Way We Were'."
    Phoebe: "Uh, see I think the one that Elton John wrote for, um, that guy on Who's The Boss?"
    Rachel: "What song was that, Pheebs?"
    Phoebe: (Singing) "Hold me close, young Tony Danza."
    Friends // The One With the Princess Leia Fantasy

holddowntongue
  • Angela: "So, how did he act? Did he act bored, or..."
    Rayanne: "He flopped on the floor, uncontrollably ok? Rickie had to hold down his tongue..."
    Rickie: "And I wasn't even there."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

homelesssuffered
  • Helen: "Quinn, I'm going to go through my closet right now and see what I can donate to your clothing drive."
    Quinn: "Your closet? Muh-OM, haven't the homeless suffered enough?"
    Daria // The Old and the Beautiful

homesanitarium
  • Quinn: "Home is my sanitarium away from school."
    Daria // Lucky Strike

homosexualdate
  • Barry: "Sorry I'm late. I didn't know what to wear for our second homosexual date."
    Will: "Traditionally whatever's hanging on your homosexual chair in your homosexual bedroom."
    Will & Grace // Gay it Forward

hoodooexpert
  • Quinn: "God, Stacey, what do I look like, a Hoodoo Expert?"
    Daria // Is It College Yet?

homoroom
  • Flanders: "Lord have mercy, it's a room full of homosexuals."
    The Simpsons

horrible
  • Ms Bitters: "Horrible...suffering..."
    Invader Zim

hotcuppastfu
  • Roxy: "How about a hot cup of shut the fuck up?"
    Dead Like Me

houndrape
  • Chance: "Hey, man, stop raping that hound!"
    I Love New York

houseind
  • Shawn: "I want a hard target search. Through every outhouse, penthouse, cathouse, Waffle House, House in D. House of Long Shadows?"
    Psych // Game, Set, Muuuuuuurder

houseisgay
  • Stacy: "What are you hiding?"
    House: "I’m gay. Oh...that’s not what you meant. It does explain a lot though. No girlfriend, always with Wilson, obsession with sneakers..."
    House // The Mistake

housemessage
  • House on Answering Machine: "You've reached a number that has been disconnected and is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, go with it, hang up, on three. One, two...::beep::"
    House // Who's Your Daddy

housemoo
  • House: "Moooooo!"
    House // Sex Kills

howdidyoudie
  • Patty: "Why did you leave home?"
    Girl: "My mother and I had a fight. The kind of fight where it seems like the fight is having you. So what else do you want to know?"
    Patty: "How did you die?"
    Girl: "I froze."
    My So-Called Life // So-Called Angels

howdoin
  • Joey: "So, uh...how you doin'?"
    Friends

howmanyfingersold
  • Karen: "How many fingers old are you, big guy?"
    Randall: "What? Bitch, I got a beard and three grey pubes!"
    Will & Grace // Friends with Benefits

humansex
  • Cameron: "Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulse from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland. And the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent, it's ugly, and it's messy. And if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago."
    House // Occam's Razor

huntelmers
  • Bugs Bunny: "Shhh...be vewy vewy quiet. We're hunting elmers. Heh heh heh heh heh."

hypnotizedbyfood
  • Rayanne: "I am so hungry. Do you ever get, like, hypnotized by food?"
    Graham: "Oh, are you kidding me? Hypnotized By Food could be my Indian name."
    My So-Called Life // Father Figures

hungjury
  • Man: "Look, baby, I don't want to brag, but I'm hung like a jury."
    Dead Like Me // Always

hurtstolookatyou
  • Rayanne: "And you know, with your hair like that, it hurts to look at you."
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

hypoglycemic
  • Angela: "Um, hi, could you spare some change?"
    Rayanne: "She's, she's upset, you see, you look a little like her mother who's in a coma. Excuse her, she's hypogylcemic."
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

I


ibs
  • Delores: "Most people don't know this, but Marilyn Monroe had IBS."
    George: "Is that what flew her skirt up?"
    Dead Like Me // In Escrow

iceboxwoman
  • Trent: "You're an angel in black / You sure have a knack / For putting my heart on a shelf in the back / I'm waiting my turn / Oh, when will I learn? / My poor heart, you're giving it freezer burn. Yeah..."
    Daria // Road Worrier

ida_ho
  • Woman: "If Ida Lapido married Don Ho, she'd be Ida Ho."
    Laugh-In

idaman
  • House: "Who da man? I da man."
    House // Control

idiotsarefun
  • House: "Idiots are fun. No wonder every village wants one."
    House // Forever

idjit
  • Yosemite Sam: "Ya stupid idjit!"

iheartcows
  • Tony: "I love cows."
    House // Sex Kills

iknowthatgirl
  • Jordan: "Hey, I know that girl."
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

illegalsinbottom
  • Mason: "I've got illegals in my bottom."
    Dead Like Me // Reapercussions

illegalsquirrels
  • Jake: "They're going to make it illegal to shoot squirrels? Damn it. What kind of town is this?"
    Daria // Is It Fall Yet?

imagineembarrass
  • Quinn: "What was that?"
    Daria: "My imaginary friend fell down."
    Quinn: "God, Daria. Even your imaginary friends are embarrassing."
    Daria // Depth Takes a Holiday

imnotsober
  • Jaye: "I can't even go out for a drink anymore."
    Security Guard: "How long have you been sober?"
    Jaye: "Oh, I'm not sober."
    Wonderfalls // Caged Bird

impersonateteam
  • House: "Okay, I’ll be you guys."
    House as Chase: "No way, myte, too much blood to be just a vein."
    House as Foreman: "No way, Hizzy. If it were an artery, he’d still be bleeding."
    House as Cameron: "Actually, he’d be dead."
    House // No Reason

impressfamily
  • Fat Pat: "I thought you were trying to impress me."
    Jaye: "You misunderstood. I don't actually let people I'm trying to impress meet my family."
    Wonderfalls // Muffin Buffalo

imsorry
  • Pee Wee: "I'm sorry!"
    Pee Wee's Playhouse

insanityoption
  • Brian: "You have the option of insanity. I do not. And that...makes me crazy!"
    My So-Called Life // Self Esteem

insensitivecouples
  • Jake: "Those couples, they're such a bunch of wimps. Always so freaking sensitive."
    Daria: "Hang in there, Dad. You'll meet some insensitive couples. I'm sure of it."
    Jake: "Thanks, kiddo!"
    Daria // Pinch Sitter

intentionallydense
  • Cuddy: "Are you being intentionally dense?"
    House: "Huh?"
    House // Humpty Dumpty

internetporn
  • House: "Sorry, up late. Internet porn."
    Chase: "How come you’re not in your office?"
    House: "Because there is a computer in my office. If I log on, romance will ensue. My wrist might fall off."
    House // Babies and Bathwater

interpreterofsound
  • Trent: "And you call yourself a musician?"
    Jesse: "No, I call myself an Interpreter of Sound!"
    Daria // That Was Then, This Is Dumb

intimacycounselor
  • Helen: "This is the perfect opportunity for us to spend that quality couple's time recommended by our intimacy counselor."
    Jake: "Great idea! Who?"
    Helen: "I've been seeing an intimacy counselor to promote growth and togetherness in our relationship. It was just easier to schedule if I went alone. I'll fill you in."
    Daria // Antisocial Climbers

intimatevirus
  • Jane: "It's about a flesh-eating virus. How is that intimate?"
    Daria: "You'd think it was pretty intimate if it were eating your flesh."
    Daria // Story of D

ironicpuking
  • Brian: "I mean, the fact that she called ME heartless. That's just really good. That's excellent. How ironic can you get without, like, puking?"
    My So-Called Life

isms
  • Manager: "I don't like nepotism, and I don't like cronyism."
    Daria: "Where do you stand on vandalism?"
    Daria // It Happened One Nut

isntthatlovely
  • Marvin the Martian: "Oooh. Isn't that lovely? Mmmm."

isshereallyfrench
  • Jordan: "Is she really from France?"
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

itscold
  • Tweety: "Brrrr! Baby, it's cold outside!"
    Looney Tunes

J


jackfunny
  • Jack: "Funny, funny, funny, funny. Funny!"
    Will and Grace // The Big Vent

jamandmilk
  • Roger: "I like redheads. Their mouths are like a drop of strawberry jam in a glass of milk."
    Mad Men // Red in the Face

jane
  • Dan Akroyd: "Jane, you ignorant slut."
    Saturday Night Live

jared sedated
  • Jordan singing "I Want to Be Sedated".
    My So-Called Life // On The Wagon

jayformichael
  • Jay: "I definitely think Michael Knight's gonna win, because you picked the gay white guy first, then you picked the Asian immigrant second, and you're gonna pick the black guy third."
    Project Runway

jimmycrackscorn
  • Brain: "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
    Pinky: "I think so, Brain, but if Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?"
    Pinky and the Brain

jimmyswaggarthooker
  • Jack: "So, what's going on with you? We haven't sung a showtune since Jimmy Swaggart got caught with the hooker."
    Will and Jack: "'I have siiiinned!'"
    Will and Grace // Yours Mine and Ours

joeysimagination
  • Phoebe: "I'm not sure about some of the bras I got."
    Rachel: "Oh, really? Do you want to try some of them on for me?"
    Phoebe: "Oh, okay! Wait, are we in Joey's imagination?"
    Friends // The One With The Birth Mother

johnstewartwoohoo
  • Seth Green: "Okay, this is a little known story."
    John Stewart: "Very little."
    Seth: "John had a great show on MTV, and I loved that show, and I was doing a show in Hawaii, and they booked me on John's show, and I was like, 'Yeah, John Stewart, woo hoo!' And then his show got canceled, and I got screwed."
    The Daily Show

jokehuh
  • Sandi: "If this is your idea of a joke, perhaps you should look up the word 'huh' in the dictionary."
    Daria // One J At a Time

jordandreams
  • Jordan: "I have all these dreams where I know exactly what to say. And you tell me, you know, that you forgive me."
    My So-Called Life // In Dreams Begin Responsibilities

justawhitelie
  • Foreman: "You did exactly what white people do. You figure we don't need to know the truth, or can't understand it. So you just lie to us."
    House: "Just a white lie."
    Foreman: "Good one, 'massa."
    House // Humpty Dumpty

justlikebungeejumping
  • Joey: "I have to do it?"
    Ross: "Yeah. You'll be fine. It'll be just like bungee jumping, but instead of bouncing back up, you won't."
    Friends // The One Where They're Up All Night

justmywife
  • Ross: "This is crazy. I mean, yes Rachel is my good friend and I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife."
    Friends // The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel

K


kaboom
  • Marvin the Martian: "Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!"

kaitlynkissingbooth
  • Dante: "What? Caitlin has a kissing booth, like for charity?"
    Jay: "Yeah, only it don't cost nothing and it's not for charity. And there's no booth. And it's more than just kissing. And you don't have to be a guy. Dude, she's cheating on you."
    Clerks: The Animated Series // The Last Episode Ever

keeperofchz
  • Ren: "I'm the keeper of the cheese!"
    Ren and Stimpy

keysinpants
  • Rickie: "What are you doing here?"
    Rayanne: "It's public property."
    Brian: "I left my keys in your pants."
    My So-Called Life // Halloween

kicktesticle
  • Brennan: "Stop, or I'll kick you in the testicles!"
    Bones // Death in the Saddle

killedadog
  • Daria: "I couldn't live with myself if I hit a dog. Would you mind telling Quinn I killed him?"
    Daria // Through a Lens Darkly

killedforaminute
  • Wilson: "Heard you killed your supermodel."
    House: "Only for a minute."
    House // Skin Deep

killmorewhites
  • Cameron: "Black defendants are ten times more likely to get a death sentence then white."
    Foreman: "Doesn’t mean we need to get rid of the death penalty – we just need to kill more white people."
    House // Acceptance

kissesbettercooks
  • Joey: "She kisses better then my mom cooks."
    Monica: I am so glad you said cooks!"
    Friends // The One With the Apothecary Table

kisslostbet
  • Angela: "Later, I found out he only kissed me because he had lost a bet."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

kittydildo
  • Cartman: "MOM! Kitty's being a dildo!"
    Cartman's Mom: "Well then, I know a certain kitty kitty who's sleeping with mommy tonight."
    Cartman: "What?"
    South Park

kittykatwax
  • Tyra: "Any girl that gives me a simulated kitty kat wax is fine with me."
    America's Next Top Model

kneescase
  • Eric: "Don't get on your knees. It wouldn't help your case much."
    Wonderfalls // Lying Pig

knowusecane
  • House: "Look, I have a cane and I know how to use it."
    House // Socratic Method

kwanzaagift
  • John Stewart: "I will not rest until every year families gather to spend December 25 together at Osama's home abortion, pot and commie jisporium."

L


La
  • Lala the Teletubby: "La la!"

labeledbullet
  • George: "God bless my mom. If she ever put a bullet through her head, it would probably be labeled."
    Dead Like Me // Curious George

lackofhumanity
  • Daria: "Oh, the lack of humanity."
    Daria // I Loathe a Parade

latinluis
  • Rayanne: "I like Latin guys."
    Rickie: "Like me?"
    Rayanne: "Like Andy Garcia."
    Angela: "Omigod. In that movie, where that girl is, like, blind?"
    Rickie: "Oh, I know!"
    Rayanne: "Oh, oh, what's his name, what's his name, what's his name? Luis!"
    Angela and Rickie: [together] "Who is Luis?"
    Rayanne: "You know, the guy on Sesame Street, with the repair shop."
    My So-Called Life // On The Wagon

laughcrycometoterms
  • Will: "I don't want to do a big thing about it, though. Do we have to laugh and cry and come to terms?"
    Grace: "No, let's just short hand it."
    Both: ::laugh and cry::
    Will and Grace // Big Brother is Coming

lawcheetah
  • Dangle: "I feel like I bring a real joie de vivre to law enforcement. For example, my uniform. I do not wear the regulation uniform, I wear these shorts here. And actually, I had to lobby the sheriff's department to get permission to wear these. But my argument is, I'm out there in the streets every day. I gotta be able to move like a cheetah. Like a law enforcement cheetah."
    Reno 911

lawndaleshopper
  • Helen: "Jake, that's the Lawndale Shopper. It's written by an 80-year-old man who, if you recall, had to be taken off his roof by the fire department because he thought he was being chased by screaming mice."
    Jake: "That doesn't mean it isn't true."
    Daria // A Tree Grows in Lawndale

layoffbooks
  • Quinn: "You've got to lay off all those books before it's too late!"
    Daria // Dye, Dye My Darling

lazywhore
  • Jaye: "What if he's already beat her to death with a bag of oranges for withholding trick money."
    Eric: "Well, if she had any trick money, I don't think she'd be living in a barrell. I know I wouldn't be."
    Jaye: "But maybe she's just a lazy whore. That happens, right? They can't all have hearts of gold and good work ethics."
    Wonderfalls // Wound Up Penguin

leanintodoorknob
  • Karen: "I just met the most incredible man!"
    Rosario: "Are you sure you just didn't lean into the doorknob again?"
    Will & Grace // The Guy Who Loved Me

leaveyourhouse
  • Rayanne: "Look, I know this is your house, and all, but could you leave for a second?"
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

legsinair
  • Karen: "It's time to get your head out of the dumps and your legs in the air!"
    Will and Grace // Where There's a Will There's a Way

legswork
  • Finch: "Heh, wait, I just remembered something. You're boring, and my legs work."
    Just Shoot Me

lemonade
  • Anchal: "I'm freaking out she's gonna come in the middle of the night and throw lemonade on me."
    America's Next Top Model

lesbiansuv
  • Jaye: "What was that talk about you being a lesbian? Are you a lesbian? I mean, it's not horribly surprising, but are you?"
    Sharon: "What do you mean, it's not horribly surprising?"
    Jaye: "You drive an SUV."
    Wonderfalls // Wax Lion

letoutcleanup
  • Daria: "That's right, let it out."
    Jane: "Just make sure you clean up after."
    Daria // It Happened One Nut

letyouchange
  • Angela: "There's the people who you've known forever who know you in this way that other people can't because they've seen you change. They've let you change."
    My So-Called Life Strangers in the House

lickmuffin
  • Monica: "That'll teach you to lick my muffin!"
    Friends

lielube
  • Joan: "Lies are the lubricant of a relationship. 'I've got a headache', 'Your ass looks great in that', 'I'm still in rehab'."
    The Starter Wife

lifeclogged
  • Angela: "So, Sharon's life was, like, developing...in this natural, healthy way. While my life was, like, clogged."
    My So-Called Life // The Zit

lifetest
  • Angela: "This life has been a test. If had been an actual life, you would have received instructions on where to go, and what to do."
    My So-Called Life // Why Jordan Can't Read

likeabrother
  • Mahandra: "You're like a brother to me."
    Aaron: "So, I make love like a black man?"
    Mahandra: "Not that kind of brother, you idiot!"
    Wonderfalls // Lying Pig

likeadude
  • Deprise: "You photograph really harsh."
    Jade: "Yes. Exactly. My look is very versatile."
    Deprise: "Like a dude."
    America's Next Top Model

likeatoaster
  • Angela: "People always say how you should be yourself, like yourself is a definite thing, like a toaster, or something."
    My So-Called Life

likelife
  • Angela: "I thought at least by the age of 15, I would have a love life. But I don't even have a like life."
    My So-Called Life

linecutter
  • Rube: "I have a question for you. Is everyone in this line an asshole?"
    Cutter: "Eh, excuse me?"
    Rube: "Is everyone you just cut in front of an asshole?"
    Cutter: "Eh, no."
    Rube: "So its just you then."
    Cutter: " have children in the car."
    Rube: "I have a cake in the oven. He's got three minutes left on the meter, she's got a lunch meeting. We all have a finite amount of time. Now get in the back of the line. And don't use your children like that. It's shameful."
    Dead Like Me // Hurry

lisalovesbubbles
  • Lisa: "I don't know about everybody else, but I love bubbles!"
    America's Next Top Model // Cycle 5

literallyonfire
  • Juliet: "Detective Lassiter is literally on fire."
    Shawn: "What kind of fire are we talking about? Michael Jackson in the Pepsi commercial fire. Or misusing the word literally fire?"
    Psych // 65 Million Years Off

littlepeople
  • Brain: "I'd like to thank all the little people I stepped on to get where I am today."
    Pinky and the Brain

littlepeopleinside
  • Lucille: "This is what a woman is supposed to look like. Okay, we’re not just skin and bones. We have flesh. We have curves."
    House: "You have little people inside you."
    House // Heavy

livevan
  • Chris Farley: "Gonna end up eating a steady diet of government cheese and living in a van down by the river!"

livingscar
  • Angela: "But won't popping it cause a scar?"
    Rayanne: "Anything causes a scar. Living causes a scar. My mother has a humongous scar from having me. Does that mean that I shoulda never been born?"
    My So-Called Life // The Zit

looklikequinn
  • Daria: "So, first she tells Quinn that she can fix her up for six thousand dollars."
    Jane: "Miss Pert 'N Pretty? What can she possibly need for six G's, other than a new personality?"
    Daria: "Wait, there's more. Then she announces for twenty grand, she can fix me. Which means she can make me look like Quinn."
    Jane: "Sheesh, what would you want to look like that loser for? She needs six thousand dollars' worth of plastic surgery!"
    Daria // Too Cute

looped
  • Will: "Oh my god, it's finally happened! You've gotten so gay you've looped around to straight again!"
    Will and Grace
loserrunner
  • Daisy: "I never rush. If I see someone running, I just assume they're a loser."
    George: "Unless they're a runner."
    Daisy: "Even then. Especially then."
    Dead Like Me // Hurry

loungecrack
  • Something about MTV making this guy want to smoke crack. I don't ask.

lovehumanbody
  • Dr. Staretski: "I will teach you to love the human body as I do."
    Two Guys and a Girl // Mother's Day

loverwhore
  • Karen: "How dare you! I love my husband, I would never dream of violating the sacred trust of our marriage by taking a lover! He's my whore."
    Will and Grace // A Chorus Lie

loveuman
  • "I love you, man."
    Budweiser Commercial

lowdarkkarma
  • Angela: "You know, the karma in this house is like ridiculous."
    Patty: "Really?"
    Angela: "Yeah. It's really low...or dark...whatever it is that happens to karma."
    My So-Called Life // Other People's Mothers

lowselfesteem
  • Jane: "I just want to say how proud I am today. Knowing that I have self esteem gives me even more self esteem. On the other hand, having all of you know that I had low self esteem makes me feel kinds bad, like a big failure or something. I want to go home!"
    Daria // Esteemsters

lwordmarathon
  • House: "Tonight – L Word marathon."
    Wilson: "You watch The L Word?"
    House: "On mute."
    House // Forever

M


magic_cheese
  • Guy: "Do you believe in magic cheese?"
    The Drew Carey Show

magiccarbohydrate
  • Danielle: "Neil, pass the pasta."
    Neil: "What's the magic word?"
    Danielle: "Pasta."
    Neil: "No, that's the magic carbohydrate."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

makelovenotbelts
  • Tony: "Leather shoes, hamburgers. How could anybody do that to a cow?"
    House: "Make love, not belts?"
    House // Sex Kills

makemeacandle
  • Jaye: "Bet you’d talk if I stuck a wick in your butt. Can you say, 'Make me a candle?'"
    Wonderfalls // Barrell Bear

makeoutscholarship
  • Quinn: "You left out the best part."
    Daria: "Getting a date with the instructor is only the best part to you."
    Quinn: "It's not a date. We're meeting to discuss scholarship options."
    Jake: "Scholarship? Way to go, sweetie!"
    Daria: "There's no such thing as a 'making out scholarship'."
    Quinn: "Uh, excuse me, I think he would know better than you."
    Daria // College Bored

makethemcrawl
  • Jane: "What's the problem? Take people you know and have them do whatever you want. I'd make them crawl, I tell you. CRAWL!"
    Daria // Write Where it Hurts

makingsomeonegay
  • Jack: "Making someone gay is exhausting. I don't know how my mother did it."
    Will & Grace // Attack of the Clones

mallburns2ground
  • Grim: "How come every time I take you kids to the mall it burns to the ground?"
    Billy: "I blame the economy."
    Grim & Evil

manbreasts
  • Ross: "Hey, don't you want a washboard stomach and rockhard pecs?"
    Chandler: "No, I want a flabby gut and sagging manbreasts!"
    Friends // The One With the Ballroom Dancing

manipulativeness
  • Brett: "What scares me is the see-sawness in your...manipulalalalativeness."
    Rock of Love

manofmine
  • Will: "Fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly. I gotta love one man til I die. Can't help lovin' that man of mine."
    Jack: "Hey, listen sister. I love my Mister Man."
    Both: "Tell me I'm lazy, tell me so. Tell me I'm crazy, maybe I know. Can't help lovin' that man of mine!"
    Will: "Take it, Jackie!"
    Will and Grace // Yours Mine and Ours

marciax3
  • Daria: "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia."
    Daria // Pierce Me

mark
  • Wacko: "Woah. That'll leave a mark."
    Animaniacs

marriagecohoots
  • Psychiatrist: "My wife and I, we've been in cohoots for ten years."
    Joy: "So, does that mean she does or doesn't know that you're gay."
    Psychiatrist: "She probably knows."
    Dead Like Me // Send in the Clown

marrycane
  • House: "Now let go of my cane before it becomes your new boyfriend."
    Kalvin: "Honey, I will marry it if you will look at my file."
    House: "Congress says you can’t."
    House // Hunting

masonfuck
  • Mason: "It's 1:00 in the fucking morning. What the fucking hell is so fucking important for fuck's sake?"
    Rube: "Why don't you see if you can use that word one more time?"
    Dead Like Me // Night Hawks

meaningofred
  • Rickie: "Well, it, it was, it was...partly that, that song...that, that you wrote? She, she really liked it. And it was, um, obvious...what it, what it was about, so..."
    Jordan: "Yeah. My car."
    My So-Called Life // Why Jordan Can't Read

meetspikeanddrusilla
  • Rory: "Where are you going?"
    Paris: "I'm putting myself out there, Rory."
    Rory: "Now?"
    Paris: "Yes, now."
    Rory: "It's 11:00 at night. WHo are you hoping to meet up with, Spike and Drusilla?"
    Gilmore Girls // But Not as Cute as Pushkin

mememe
  • Miss Piggy: "Me me me me me me!"

memorizebirds
  • Rayanne: "Tomorrow night. I've mentioned this at least a dozen times."
    Angela: "Tomorrow night I have that stupid thing for my grandparents."
    Rayanne: "Fine. Go hang with your grandparents. Memorize all the state birds, or something. Hey Angela! I'm a bitch!"
    My So-Called Life // Other People's Mothers

messwithvegans
  • Karen: "I've got Stella Mcartney meeting me at the man' for a fitting, and I want Rosario to slaughter a chicken in front of her. It's fun to mess with Vegans."
    Will & Grace // Friends with Benefits

metalfriend
  • Cuddy: "Says he knows you. I thought I knew all your friend."
    House // Who's Your Daddy

middleofblue
  • Chandler: "This is not out of the blue. This is smack dab in the middle of the blue!"
    Friends // The One Where Eddie Won't Leave

midgetsu
  • Midget Mac: "Short, tall, medium, fat, I'll chop their ass down with that midget-su."
    I Love New York 2

midriffs
  • Eliza Dushku: "Well, he stopped me in the hall, you know, and he said, 'You can't wear midriffs, we're gonna send you home to go change,' and I was like, 'Listen, Buddy, I have a very serious infection in my bellybutton where if it's not airated, I'll have a really big problem. Now do you want to be responsible for that?' And I gave him this whole thing, and I think he was so horrified that I would go to those lengths to make up that kind of story that I was the only one who could wear midriffs."
    Jay Leno

mildlyinconvenient
  • Daria: "Maybe the next book you read should be 'When Mildly Inconvenient Things Happen to Shallow People.'"
    Daria // Groped by an Angel

mine
  • Daffy Duck: "It's MINE, you understand? Mine! All mine! Get back in there! Down down down! Go go go! Mine mine mine! Mua ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

missjrocknroll
  • Ms J: "Rock and roll!"
    America's Next Top Model

missnobooty
  • Becky: "They call me Miss No Booty, when I turn around I got no back to me."
    Charm School

missstacey
  • Wilson: "Right. Giant coincidence you've gone completely off the rails since she left. Inducing migraines, worsening leg pain." ::WHACK!:: "Ow!"
    House: "Aw, you miss Stacy, too?"
    House // Skin Deep

misterrachel
  • Ross: "Hello, Mrs. Ross!"
    Rachel: "Why, hello, Mr. Rachel!"
    Friends // The One After Vegas

mixedmarriage
  • Woman: "We have to save this marriage!"
    Man: "We don't want to save it. It's a mixed marriage. Kenny's an asshole, and Molly isn't."
    The Starter Wife

modelsnotpretty
  • Tyra: "You're such a beautiful girl. But it's a pretty girl just sitting there, and that's not what models get paid to do."
    America's Next Top Model

momhitcallback
  • Randall: "You slapped me."
    Jack: "Well, you were gonna attack me."
    Randall: "I haven't been slapped since my mom used to hit me when I didn't get a callback!"
    Will & Grace // Friends with Benefits

momsaysulikeme
  • Jordan: "So, you like me?"
    Angela: "Oh, shut up."
    Jordan: "I mean, you're mother says you like me."
    Angela: "Oh, shut up!"
    My So-Called Life // Pressure

momslastwords
  • George: "Those are funeral clothes."
    Joy: "There is going to be a funeral if you don't get your ass out of bed."
    George: "Those are the last words my mother will ever say to me."
    Dead Like Me // Pilot

moniquediebitch
  • Monique: "Die, bitch, die!"
    America's Next Top Model

monkeyconfused
  • Jaye: "I'm confused."
    Shrink: "That's perfectly normal."
    Brass Monkey: "Perfectly normal."
    Wonderfalls // Wax Lion

monkeywhorehouse
  • Finch: "You couldn't score in a monkey whorehouse with a bag of bananas."
    Just Shoot Me

monno
  • Monica: "NO!"
    Friends

moogoolove
  • Jack: "And Moo Goo Gai Pan is the food of love."
    Will: "Really?"
    Jack: "Why do you think there's so many Chinese people?"
    Will & Grace // The Guy Who Loved Me

morphine
  • Bart: "Can you get me some of those Flintstones chewable morphine?"
    The Simpsons

motherfella
  • Jack: "Now. This Howdy Doody-lookin' motherfella."
    Will and Grace // A Chorus Lie

motspeaker
  • Mr DeMartino: "Why couldn't I have been born during an influenza epidemic? Or at the base of a volcano? Why did I survive, grow tall and strong, only to squander all my potential by becoming a teacher?! Argh...!"
    Daria: "When he would have made such a wonderful motivational speaker."
    Daria // Is It Fall Yet?

mouthsmaller
  • Monica: "Is your tongue swelling up?"
    Ross: "Either that or my mouth is getting smaller."
    Friends // The One With The Baby on the Bus

movingmoment
  • Waldorf: "This is a very moving moment."
    Statler: ""Yeah, I wish they'd move it to Pittsburgh!"

mrmillionaire
  • Chandler: Mr. Millionaire, from Snooty Playthings. Third wife sold separately."
    Friends // The One With The Tiny T-Shirt

mrrogers
  • Mr Rogers: "Please won't you be my neighbor?"
    Mr Rogers' Neighborhood

mtvcrack
  • Lounge singer: "MTV makes me want to smoke crack."

mumbogumbo
  • Kevin: "I didn't figure you to believe in all that mumbo gumbo."
    Daria: "Gee, I hope this won't lower your opinion of me."
    Kevin: "Come on. How much lower could it get?"
    Daria // The Misery Chick

murderplanner
  • Karen: "Your sister's not a cold-blooded murderer. She's never been a planner."
    Wonderfalls // Pink Flamingo

mwahaha
  • Daffy Duck laughing evilly.

mymomcallyourmom
  • Angela: "Now, my mother thinks we slept together."
    Rayanne: "Well, ok. Do you want my mother to call your mother and tell her you didn't sleep together?"
    Angela: ::screams::
    Rayanne: "Well, I could do that."
    My So-Called Life // Guns n Gossip

myownbunnyrabbit
  • Abominable Snowman: "Just what I always wanted! My own little bunny rabbit. I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeeze him."

mypants
  • Homer: "I have misplaced my pants."
    The Simpsons

mysteryofdeath
  • George: "Ready? Once upon a time or more specifically at the dawn of time, god, lower case g was getting busy with creation as the kids these days are saying. He gave toad a clay jar and said "be careful with this, it's got death inside" pleased as punch and obivious to the fact that he was to become god's fall guy on the whole death issue, toad promised to guard the jar. But then one day toad met frog "let me hold the jar of death" or whatever you call it frog bag. With a nod to Nancy Reagan's pro of wisdom, toad just said no. But frog was deetermined and after much whining toad finally gave in "you can hold it but just for a second" he said. In his excitement frog began to hop around and juggle the death jar from one foot to the other. Frog was an asshole. "Stop" toad cried out but it was too late, frog dropped the jar and it shattered to the ground. When it broke open death got out and ever since all living things have to die. Makes you wonder how much better the world would be if frog had stuck to hocking beer. So there you have it, the mystery of death finally revealed."
    Dead Like Me // Pilot

myturn
  • Jake: "Dammit, that's it, Daria! What am I, made of money?!"
    Helen: "Dammit, those bastards aren't going to take away my days!"
    Quinn: "Dammit, Daria, you could have sounded like you meant it!"
    Daria: "Dammit! It's my turn to say dammit!"
    Daria

N


naked3
  • Jane: "Naked, naked, naked!"
    Daria // It Happened One Nut

nakedexperiences
  • Michelle: "She's the brave twin when it comes to these sort of, um, naked experiences."
    America's Next Top Model

nakedgarbage
  • Chandler: "When I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me."
    Friends // The One with the 'Cuffs

nakednessrighthere
  • Vic: "I want anger. I want honesty. I want nakedness.
    Rayanne: "I'm right here, baby."
    My So-Called Life // The Substitute

nametwo
  • Upchuck: "You'll be back. They all come back."
    Jane: "Name two."
    Upchuck: "I could!"
    Daria // Through a Lens Darkly

naturallyhappy
  • Rayanne: "For your information, I happen to be a very happy, up person. What are you looking at?"
    Brian: "Nothing."
    Rickie: "Ignore her. She's just a naturally happy, up person."
    My So-Called Life // In Dreams Begin Responsibilities

nauseous and sick
  • Ashley: "Brilliant and funny."
    Dr. Staretski: "Lovely and perceptive."
    Ashley: "Oh, professor!"
    Berg: "Nauseous and sick."
    Two Guys and a Girl // Mother's Day

nestletollhouse
  • Phoebe: "I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother, Nesele Tolouse."
    Monica: "What was her name?"
    Phoebe: "Nesele Toulouse."
    Monica: "Nestle Tollhouse?!"
    Phoebe: "Oh, you Americans always butcher the French language."
    Friends // The One With Phoebe's Cookies

neverholdpenis
  • Phyllis: "You're all straight lines and right angles, Joy. If you don't loosen up, you're never gonna hold another penis again."
    Dead Like Me // The Escape Artist

neverhurtsomeonesobad
  • Rayanne: "Yeah. I've never really hurt somebody this bad before. It's hard to believe. I mean, but I guess you can't really hurt someone this bad unless you really matter to them. Please don't tell her I was here."
    My So-Called Life // Betrayal

newyorkpanties
  • New York: "When Pretty carried me up the stairs, the only thing that's running through my mind is, 'Bitch, you are so smart for putting panties on.'"
    I Love New York 2

nightholdskey
  • Daria: "You and Jane aren't really morning people, are you?"
    Trent: "Hey, the night holds the key."
    Daria: "The key to what?"
    Trent: "I don't know, Daria. It's early."
    Daria // Jane's Addition

ninetysevenpercent
  • Ross: "We used a condom."
    Rachel: "I know. But you know, condoms only work like 97% of the time."
    Ross: "What? What? They should put that on the box!"
    Rachel: "They do!"
    Ross: "No, they don't! Well, they should put it in huge, block letters!"
    Friends // The One Where Rachel Tells

noattention
  • Brain: "Pay no attention to that mouse behind the curtain."
    Pinky: "Narf!"
    Pinky and the Brain

nobunnyrabbit
  • Daffy Duck: "I'm not a bunny rabbit."
    Abominable Snowman: "And pat him and pet him and..."
    Daffy Duck: "You're hurting me. Put me down please."
    Snowman: "And rub him and caress him and..."
    Daffy: "I AIN'T NO BUNNY RABBIT!"

nofail
  • Dexter: "It never fails to surprise me how completely without intelligence you are."
    Dexter's Lab

nogoodday
  • Fez: "Now good day."
    Kelso: "But Fez."
    Jackie: "Fez. He said 'But Fez'."
    Fez: "Oh, I heard him."
    Donna: "Now you're supposed to say, 'I said good day!'"
    Kelso: "Yeah, and then we all know that you're really mad, but eventually you'll get over it."
    Fez: "Oh, you'd like that. Dance, monkey, dance! Well, Kelso, this monkey don't dance no more!"
    Donna: "But Fez!"
    Fez: "I said good day! Grrrr!"
    That 70's Show // Sally Simpson

nokissnosex
  • Chase: "If she's never kissed a boy, it's a fair bet she's never had sex."
    House: "Tell that to all the hookers who won't kiss me on the mouth."
    House // Autopsy

nomoneydepressed
  • Mr DeMartino: "Brittany. Would you care to tell us some of the factors leading up to the Great Depression?"
    Brittany: "Um, when people realized they had no money they got really depressed?"
    Daria // Fat Like Me

nomorecocoa
  • Jake: "Gah! I can't take it anymore!"
    Trent: "Whoa. No more cocoa for you, man."
    Daria // Daria!

nonshockable
  • Sharon: " You're just, like, non-shockable, or something. It's kind of..."
    Rayanne: "It's refreshing, isn't it?"
    My So-Called Life // In Dreams Begin Responsibilities

nopecsnosex
  • Jack: "Remember, no pecs, no sex!"
    Will & Grace // Attack of the Clones

nopoliceballs
  • Shawn: "Collecting donations for the Policeman's Ball?"
    Lassiter: "We don't have Balls."
    Shawn: "I honestly have no response to that."
    Psych // Who You Gonna Call

normandytarget
  • House: "Keep your answers short and discreet. Is Cuddy still playing?"
    Wilson: "The chicken is still in Picadilly Square."
    House: "Brilliant. She'll never suspect that Normandy is her target."
    House // All In

nosegoblin
  • Ren: "Wait a minute. I've got it! You could play with your magic nose goblins!"
    Ren and Stimpy

nosesgrowing
  • Rube: "Peanut, all men are liars where pretty girls are implicated. You can see their noses growing."
    Dead Like Me // Reaper Madness

nostubbies
  • Danielle: "Nice and shaved. No stubbies!"
    America's Next Top Model

notafraidofdying
  • Rodney: "I don't want you to be afraid."
    Foreman: "If I'm not afraid of dying, then what the hell should I be afraid of, Dad?"
    House // Euphoria

notgivingawaysoul
  • House: "I am selling my soul."
    Wilson: "Just a little piece. And you are getting something in return."
    House: "I said I was selling it. I didn't say I was giving it away. That would be immoral and stupid."
    House // Role Model

notthatcommon
  • Rachel: "And hey, just so you know, it's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy, and it IS A BIG DEAL!"
    Chandler: "I knew it!"
    Friends // The One With the Jellyfish

notthirty
  • Sandi: "Can't you see that it's too late? My life is over!"
    Quinn: "Sandi, you're not 30."
    Daria // Fat Like Me

nottogethertogether
  • Phoebe: "They clearly don't want to be with us."
    Rachel: "You know what? I don't want to be with them either. But it's Thanksgiving and we should not want to be together together!"
    Friends // The One With The Late Thanksgiving

novaseline
  • Monique: "'Cause when life gets a hold of you, it uses no vaseline. It simply bends you over, and it's very painful."
    Charm School

noweric
  • Eric: "I figure it's not so terrible being Eric. The Now-Eric I mean. Then-Eric was sad, but Then-Eric was then. I'm Now-Eric."
    Wonderfalls // Barrell Bear

numbrebound
  • Eric: "I'm almost numb enough to start something on the rebound, What do you say?"
    Jaye: "Sweet of you to offer, but I may be clinically insane. You might want to hold out for someone a little more stable."
    Eric: "I don't think that would be as interesting."
    Wonderfalls // Wax Lion

nursestalk
  • Boyd: "The nurses talk about you a lot."
    House: "Ah, don’t believe them. I keep a sock in my pants."
    House // House vs God

nurturehug
  • House: "I chose one to encourage, to nurture."
    Foreman: "Yeah, you're all about the nurture."
    House: "Do you need a hug?"
    House // Deception

O


obviouscontest
  • Chris: "You're reading a comic book."
    House: "And you're calling attention to your bosom by wearing a low-cut top. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were having a 'state the obvious' contest."
    House // Histories

obviousquestions
  • Jordan: "Hey."
    Angela: "Is this is where you come to smoke?"
    Angela-VO: "I'm always doing that, I'm always asking questions I already know the answers to."
    Jordan: "Uh huh. So you crying or something?"
    My So-Called Life Strangers in the House

offcolorlanguage
  • Analyst: "Do you routinely use off color language as part of your office lexicon?"
    Georgia: "Sometimes off-color language is the most efficient way to convey an idea."
    George voice over: "As in, get the fuck away from my cubical."
    Dead Like Me // Hurry

ofmiceandmencover
  • Shawn: "We come up with a cover story. We're vaccuum salesmen. No, traveling gypsies. No, no, no. We'll do 'Of Mice and Men'. I'm Lenny."
    Gus: "No."
    Shawn: "George. You said that I could take care of those rabbits, George."
    Gus: "Shawn-"
    Shawn: "And later on, you're going to cook those beans. Beans make me go-"
    Psych // 65 Million Years Off

ohgoody
  • Marvin the Martian: "Oh, goody! My Illudium Q36 Explosive Space Modulator!"
    Looney Tunes

ohmyhell
  • Heather: "Oh, my hell."
    Rock of Love

okayloveya
  • Mindy: "Okay, I love you, uh-bye!"
    Animaniacs

onefakeboob
  • Jane: "Anyway, I don't think your attitude's so bad. You probably only need one fake boob."
    Daria // Too Cute

onepercentagepoint
  • House: "It's off by one percentage point."
    Foreman: "It's within range, it's normal."
    House: "If her DNA was off by one percentage point, she'd be a dolphin."
    House // Autopsy

onlygoodcat
  • Alf: "The only good cat is a stir-fried cat."
    Alf

onlypersontodealwith
  • Angela: "I knew I was the last person on earth you wanted to deal with."
    Sharon: "You were, the only, person, I wanted to deal with."
    My So-Called Life Strangers in the House

onlywantedddead
  • Mac: "Oh, alright. I may have hit him a little hard on the head with my club. But only because I wanted him dead."
    Daria // Murder She Snored

onmystaff
  • Dr. Staretski: "It would be a pleasure to have you on my staff."
    Two Guys and a Girl // Mother's Day

oooh
  • Gir: "Ooooooh."
    Invader Zim

openwidedentist
  • Angela: "Quit it! I mean, you have to work up to that. I don't open that wide at the dentist."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

orangetree
  • Patty: "Angela, orange juice doesn't grow on trees."
    Angela: "It sorta does."
    My So-Called Life // Father Figures

organizecoma
  • Marianne: "I had some time to organize my thoughts while you were in your coma."
    Wonderfalls // Muffin Buffalo

onepointfivewordz
  • Heather: "Brett decides to ask Jess to stay with him tonight. I mean, what the fuck is that? She said like 1.5 word...s at the table."
    Rock of Love

ouchmynose
  • Mystik Spiral: "I'm glad you're happy, watching my pain, burning crop circles on my soul's waves of grain. We had no love scene, but you've cut to the chase. You're chopping off my nose to spite my face. Ow, my nose, ow my face! Ow my nose, ow, my face!"
    Daria // See Jane Run

outertesticles
  • Booth: "The gravedigger is not God, Bones, because God does not make mistakes."
    Angela: "I don't know. Putting testicles on the outside didn't seem like such a good idea."
    Bones // The Aliens in the Spaceship

outofrevenge
  • Kiffany: "What would you like, sweetie?"
    George: "Revenge."
    Kiffany: "We're out of that. Anything else look good?"
    Dead Like Me // Death Defying

overlap
  • Stacy: "I'm a lawyer, you're a jerk. There's gonna be some overlap."
    House: "God, I hope that was a euphemism."
    Stacy: "Cuddy just reamed me!"
    House: "I hope that one means what I think it does."
    House // Acceptance

overtheedgeaddress
  • Sharon: "Over the edge. That's like your address, right?"
    Rayanne: ::laughs hysterically::
    My So-Called Life // So-Called Angels

P


packoffags
  • British Man: "Pack of fags?"
    Randal: "You're a fag!"
    British Man: "It's a cigarette, mate."
    Randal: "I'm not your mate, fag!"
    Clerks: The Animated Series // The Clipshow Wherein Dante And Randal Are Locked In The Freezer And Remember Some Of The Great Moments Of Their Lives.

pancreasworkout
  • Daria: "'We excercise your inside instead of your outside.' Good. My pancreas could really use a workout."
    Daria // Psycho Therapy

paramedicgazebo
  • Trent: "None of these numbers are gazebo numbers. Hello? Paramedics? Do you fix gazebos?"
    Daria // Art Burn

partinterested
  • Rayanne: "I think part of him is partly interested in you. Definitely."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

patientleash
  • Wilson: "Why the hell did you let an unstable patient wander the hallways?"
    House: "His leash broke."
    House // House vs God

pay
  • Ms Bitters: "You'll pay for this one!"
    Invader Zim

payvolunteer
  • Stacy: "Boy, this volunteering is going to be a lot of work."
    Tiffany: "I know! Someone should really pay us for it."
    Daria // Story of D

pectoralmuscles
  • Ren: "Please give me a million dollars, and a fridge with a padlock. And, oh yeah, huge pectoral muscles."
    Ren and Stimpy

penisdress
  • Charles: "Aren't you a little old to be wearing a dress like that?"
    Nora: "Don't you have a little too much penis to be wearing a dress like that?"
    Friends // The One With Monica and Chandler's Wedding

penisears
  • Kathy: "But I do kind of feel like a penis with ears."
    America's Next Top Model

penisinvagina
  • Guy: "Mckinley needs to experiment the ultimate, and I think you know what I'm talking about."
    Guy: "You mean penis in vagina?"
    Guy: "No, dickhead. Sex!"
    Sex and the City

penisvaginatent
  • Karen: "There's a penis and a vagina in a tent and it's on fire. Which do you save?"
    Will: "Why are they in a tent?"
    Will & Grace // Gay it Forward

peoplebornevil
  • Gus: "Some people are just born evil. The kid from The Omen, the Children of the Corn, Chad Michael Murray."
    Psych // And Down the Stretch Comes Murder

pepepigeon
  • Pepe Le Pew: "Where are you, pigeon?"

peppermintpatterson
  • Chance: "Mrs Patterson, Sister Patterson. They gotta get me up outta here. Peppermint Patterson."
    I Love New York

perfectlygoodcow
  • Jane: "Where's the bike?"
    Kevin: "Huh?"
    Daria: "That's a motorcycle jacket. It's made out of leather to protect you from scrapes when your head's bouncing off the grille of a truck."
    Jane: "If you're just wearing it for style then it's a waste of a perfectly good cow."
    Daria // A Tree Grows in Lawndale

permanentheadache
  • Brittany: "That will give me a permanent headache!"
    Kevin: "So get one of those really big bottles of aspirin."
    Brittany: "I mean, Kevie, I'll have a headache next time we're alone."
    Kevin: "Oh. So, you want me to bring the aspirin?"
    Daria // Murder She Snored

personanyway
  • Jane: "Come on, you're a people person."
    Daria: "Mm-hmm."
    Jane: "Well, you're a person anyway."
    Daria

peterjhack
  • Gollum: "And Peter Jackson, my precious, who do you think you are you ::bleeping:: hack?! Shame on you! Shame on you! Go ::bleep:: yourself!"
    MTV Movie Awards

phonesdead
  • Wilson: "Do you know your phone’s dead? Do you ever recharge your batteries?"
    House: "They recharge? I just keep buying new phones."
    House // Failure to Communicate

picinnuthouse
  • Daria: "I've always dreamt of the day my picture would hang in a nut house."
    Daria // It Happened One Nut

pickasentence
  • Brian: "Is, um...is Rayanne, I mean, does she, like...Is Angela, like...I mean, the thing is..."
    Rickie: "Hey, hey, Brian. Could you, like, pick a sentence and go with it?"
    My So-Called Life // Betrayal

picturelastlonger
  • Sandi: "Gee, Tiffany, why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer."
    Tiffany: "But I don't have a camera."
    Daria // Fat Like Me

pieinthesky
  • Daria: "How about 'The Bleakness that Lies Ahead?'"
    Jane: "Too sentimental."
    Daria: "'No Life, No Hope, No Future'?"
    Jane: "Too pie-in-the-sky."
    Daria: "'Mommy's Little Hypocrit'?"
    Jane: "Too much like a fairy story."
    Daria: "I wish I were dead."
    Jane: "That sounds promising."
    Daria // Cafe Disaffecto

piercedbrains
  • Daria: "Only Quinn could turn being smart into a fad."
    Jane: "Don't worry. Today it's brains, tomorrow pierced tongues. And the next day? Pierced brains."
    Daria // Quinn the Brain

pigeontoedduck
  • Renee: "I would hope that they don't let Natasha do the final runway, because she walks like a pigeon-toed duck with a piece of poop hanging out of her ass."
    America's Next Top Model

pinkyduck
  • Brain: "Pinky. Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
    Pinky: "I think so brain, but where are we going to find a duck and a hose at this hour?"
    Pinky and the Brain

pinkyweasel
  • Brain: "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
    Pinky: "Well, I think so, Brain, but if we didn't have ears, we'd look like weasels!"
    Pinky and the Brain

pippi
  • Brain: "Pinky...are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
    Pinky: "I think so, brain, but me and Pippi Longstocking? I mean, what would the children look like?"
    Pinky and the Brain

pityadvantage
  • Rayanne: "She takes advantage of you, and you totally let her. I pity you."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

pivot!
  • Ross: "Here we go. Pivot! Pivot! Pivot!"
    Chandler: "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"
    Friends // The One With The Cop

placardbendover
  • Foreman: "No worries. I'll let you keep your parking space."
    House: "You can have it. You'll also need my handicap placard. Bend over."
    House // Deception

plasticbitch
  • Ken: "Don't call me. I'll be in Malibu."
    Barbie: "Ken! What have you got in there? Is that one of my Bob Mackey's?"
    Ken: "No."
    Barbie: "Sneaky little queen!"
    Ken: "Plastic bitch!"
    Saturday Night Live

plasticvagina
  • Bronson Pinchot: "That's just a plastic vagina. Get a real vagina!"
    Surreal Life

playfootball
  • Daria: "Learning is no substitute for winning."
    Jane: "And that it's not how hard you study, it's how hard you play football!"
    Daria // The Misery Chick

playhouse
  • Abner: "Gladys, let's play house. You be the door, and I'll shut you."
    Bewitched

poetictrailer
  • Bianca: "Your home is a trailer. Don't you see the beautiful poetry in that?"
    Wonderfalls // Karma Chameleon

poleemotions
  • Brett: "Here's the thing with Heather, and I call it 'pole emotions', right. And by pole emotions, I mean, 'Can I get her off that pole, and onto my pole?' It's a big, big thought going through my mind right now."
    Rock of Love

politefuckup
  • Roxy: "Sir, I'm gonna say this as politely as possible. I will fuck you up."
    Dead Like Me // Pilot

ponderingmice
  • Brain: "This is it, Pinky-o. Our moment of truth. Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
    Pinky: "I think so, Brain-tu, but a show about two talking lab mice? It'll never get on the air."
    Animaniacs

popacap
  • Cameron: "Maybe between your incredibly witty remarks about anal sex and Cuddy's breasts you could've tipped me off."
    House: "Then I'd have Foreman pissed off... and as annoying as you can be, at least I know you're not gonna pop a cap in my ass."
    House // Sleeping Dogs Lie

poptartname
  • Rayanne: "She's a former Wharf Rat. The, the Grateful Dead is this thing that we totally share. Before she had me, she lived in a bus for, like, months with a girl named Pop Tart."
    My So-Called Life // Father Figures

pornoforpyros
  • Graham: "Well, what do you like listening to these days?"
    Angela: "I dunno. Um, Smashing Pumpkins, Rage Against the Machine, Porno for Pyros-"
    Graham: "Oh, oh yeah, I love their Christmas album."
    My So-Called Life // Father Figures

portabletv
  • Heidi: "This whole thing is your fault!"
    Jaye: "While normally that would be true, this time I'm quite certain you're the crazy one."
    Heidi: "You hit me with a television!"
    Jaye: It was a portable."
    Wonderfalls // Lying Pig

possiblyallme
  • Foreman: "We explained the anaphylaxis..."
    House: "What do you mean we? I did! At least I thought I did. Maybe I didn't. Still it was all me!"
    House // Safe

pregnanthighschool
  • Stacy: "We need to talk."
    House: "Oh god, are you pregnant? 'Cause I really want to finish high school."
    House // Spin

pregoatyourage
  • Camille: "Patty? We're forty! Forty is still considered young. Look, you're not going through menopause!"
    Patty: "Well, so, what are you saying, that...I could be...pregnant?"
    Camille: "Are you kidding? At your age?"
    My So-Called Life // Why Jordan Can't Read

prickbleed
  • Grace: "If you prick me, I bleed, and right now, I am bleeding because of a particularly unforgivable prick!"
    Will and Grace // The Buying Game

prisondrewbarrymore
  • Jaye: "I could see doing a girl. In prison. If there weren't any guys around. Especially if the girl was Drew Barrymore."
    Wonderfalls // Wax Lion

prisonofhatingoneself
  • Angela: "Sometimes it seems like we're all living in, like, some kind of prison. And the crime is how much we hate ourselves. It's good to get really dressed up, once in a while. And admit the truth. That when you really look closely, people are so strange and so complicated that they're actually...beautiful."
    My So-Called Life // The Zit

prisonrape
  • Blah: "Rochester, my friend. Don't do it blah."
    Rochester: "Give me one good reason why I shouln't."
    Blah: "Uh..prison rape."
    Greg the Bunny // Welcome to Sweetknuckle Junction

probablywont
  • Daisy: "What do you say the very second we're done here, we go back to my place for a drink?"
    Mason: "Don't fuck with me Daisy."
    Daisy: "I probably won't."
    Dead Like Me // Vacation

probono
  • Shawn: "A lot of cases my partner Gus and I take we do for free."
    Gus: "It's called Pro Bono."
    Shawn: "Gus. A little decorum, we're in a courtroom."
    Psych // Cloudy, Chance of Murder

progressphase
  • Rayanne: "You have got to progress to the next phase of this. I mean think of Rickie and me. How much more can we take?"
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

psychicparent
  • Angela: "It's so strange how parents can out of nowhere turn psychic."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

psychicrefugee
  • Trent: "The walls are closing in. The ice is getting thin. No place to be alone. My house is not a home. Psychic refugee. Psychic refu - aaah!"
    Daria // Lane Miserables

psychname
  • Gus: "You named your fake detective agency Psych? Why didn't you just call it 'Hey, we're fooling you and the police department; hope we don't make a mistake and somebody dies because of it'?"
    Shawn: "First of all, Gus, that name is entirely too long; it would never fit on the window."
    Psych // Pilot

pumicetheboat
  • Shawn: "Exfoliating scrub, with pumice!"
    Henry: "Whatever, Shawn. All I know is when I varnish my boat and I don't want it to streak I sand off a layer first, same thing goes with tanning."
    Shawn: "That is the single most disturbing analogy I've ever heard in my entire life."
    Psych // He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, Oops, He's Dead

puppybreakfast
  • Roxy: "Why do I need to have an occasion to spread the love?"
    Mason: "Because you are an ornery bitch and you eat puppy dogs for breakfast."
    Dead Like Me // Business Unfinished

puppykickers
  • Daria "Yeah. Why should you be afraid? Of mass murderers, serial killers, torturers, cannibals... puppy kickers?"
    Daria // Gifted

purgawaittory
  • Barney: "Step six is called purg...wait for it...keep waiting...keep waiting for all of eternity only to discover there's no escape ATORY!"
    How I Met Your Mother // The Platinum Rule

Q


qtipresistance
  • Chandler: "You have to stop the Q-tip when there's resistance."
    Friends // The One With Ross's New Girlfriend

quinnheimlich
  • Jane: "Do you know CPR, or anything?"
    Daria: "I once gave the heimlich maneuver to Quinn."
    Jane: "Did it work?"
    Daria: "She wasn't choking."
    Daria // Cafe Disaffecto

quinnstudying
  • Daria: "Hello? Yes, Quinn's here, but she's studying. Stud-y-ing. No, this isn't prank call. You called me."
    Daria // Jake of Hearts

R


racialmexican
  • Trudy: "There is some racial tension on the squad, and I mean, I think it's normal. But I think, unfortunatly, it all comes from one guy, Officer Garcia. And I mean, the poor guy can't help it, he's Mexican."
    Reno 911

radiowithdoors
  • Jake: "You're nothing but a damn radio with doors!"
    Daria // Legends of the Mall

rainweddingday
  • House: "You're upset that I'm doing clinic hours? Wow, that is so like rain on your wedding day."
    House // Euphoria

ratherbedoing
  • George: "I stared at the back of her seat for what seemed like hours, thinking about all the things I'd rather be doing, like having a root canal, or a pap smear, or going to church."
    Dead Like Me // Pilot

rayanne sesame street
  • Rayanne singing the Sesame Street theme song.
    My So-Called Life // On The Wagon

realcopsontv
  • Man: "The real cops are here now."
    Brittany: "Ooh, cops! Does that mean we're on TV?"
    Daria // The Invitation

realityiswrong
  • Wilson: "So reality was wrong?"
    House: "Reality is almost always wrong."
    House // Occam's Razor

realizedrelated
  • Ross: "I'll always remember that summer because that's when I realized that we are related. We're not just two random people thrown together. We share genetic material."
    Cassie: "It took you that long to figure it out, huh?"
    Ross: "I'm a little slow. (To himself) Just as our children would be."
    Friends // The One With Ross and Monica's Cousin

reallyitchy
  • Daria: "I'm sorry, Mrs Bennett, I can't go to the mall. I have a skin condition."
    Mrs Bennett: "What are you talking about, Daria?"
    Daria: "If I'm in an enclosed space for too long, I get hives."
    Mrs Bennett: "But you're in an enclosed space now."
    Daria: "Yes, and I'm really itchy?"
    Daria // Malled

realboobssmall
  • Jess: "Uh, yeah, you stupid bitch. I wouldn't buy boobs and get them this fucking small."
    Rock of Love

recitefastfood
  • Jane: "Come on, let's get some pizza, or tacos, or cheese sticks, or stuffed pitas, burgers, bagels, chicken fried BBQ buffalo wings? My treat."
    Daria // It Happened One Nut

rectalbleeding
  • Cameron: "We've got rectal bleeding."
    House: "What, all of you?"
    House // Sleeping Dogs Lie

refuselovepuppy
  • House: "Every minute that we refuse to love one another, another puppy cries another tear."
    House // TB or not TB

religionchristmas
  • Danielle: "Do we have to keep talking about religion? It's Christmas."
    My So-Called Life // So-Called Angels

religionexperiment
  • Johnny: "So what, are you experimenting with new religions now?"
    Grace: "Once or twice, but I didn't inhale."
    Saving Grace // Bless Me Father For I Have Sinned

ren_letter
  • Ren: "Letter for me! Letter for me!"
    Ren and Stimpy

resumeyawning
  • Daria: "Oh me, oh my. A lovely day is dawning. Oh, what a joy I didn't wake up dead. So I can go to school and then resume my yawning, and get my sleep in class instead of in my bed. "
    Daria // Daria!

reunionstory
  • Dionne: "First my eyes have gone blank, then finally I see my mom, my sister, and my baby. And the first thing that came to my mind is, 'What the [bleep] is wrong with my baby's hair? I was so pissed, 'cause my older sister, she has all boys, so she does not know how to do hair. She [bleep]'ed up my baby's hair. I was pissed, but I was glad to see them!"
    America's Next Top Model

ringydingy
  • Ernestine: "One ringy-dingy. Two ringy-dingy."
    Laugh-In

ripoffbotharms
  • Randall: "Hey, nobody talks to me like that, okay?! You're dead, man! I'm gonna rip off both your arms, I'm going flip you off with one of them, and then I'm going to beat you with the other one. Are you READY to get your ASS KICKED?"
    Will & Grace // Friends with Benefits

rockthekasbah
  • Santino: "Daniel, I think what you've created is delicious. Designers, rock the kasbah."
    Project Runway

romanceinmarriage
  • Camille: "Look, they say if you wanna put the romance back in your marriage..."
    Patty: "Ooh, no, I hate that expression. Like romance is this thing you misplace like an earring."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

romeomasturbate
  • Daisy: "If Romeo had just masturbated a couple of times a week he would have saved both of those nice families a heap of trouble."
    Dead Like Me // Sunday Mornings

roundthingie
  • Stacy: "A chain is only as strong as it's weakest round thingie!"
    Daria // Fat Like Me

royalfuck
  • Janice Dickinson: "Eat a bag of royal fuck, bitch."
    Surreal Life

S


sackofmice
  • Foghorn Leghon: "Nice girl, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice."

sadlyfmistaken
  • Gollum: "Frankly, NOTHING can compensate for the long hours and low pay and miserable experience we've had making this ::bleeping:: movie! And if you think a ::bleep:: little tub of gold popcorn is going to remotely make up for everything we've suffered, you're sadly ::bleeping:: mistaken!"
    MTV Movie Awards

saidwhenmakingout
  • Daria: "Unless your ex-boyfriend is an authority on DH Lawrence, don't base your thesis on something he said when you were making out."
    Girl: "What about something he said when we broke up?"
    Daria // College Bored

samcant
  • Molly: "Sam can't be in traffic, because he doesn't have a car. Can't be stuck at work, and he isn't sewing a vest out of girls' skins because he doesn't have electricity."
    The Starter Wife

samesex
  • Clerk: "Hey, fellas? Just want you to know, we welcome same sex partners. What you do with the ring is your business."
    Daria

sammich
  • Gir: "SAAMMICH! Hee hee hee hee hee, sammich, heeeee hee."
    Invader Zim

santinosings
  • Santino singing "Lighten up, it's just fashion".
    Project Runway

santinowantsyoursoul
  • Santino: "I WANT YOUR SOUL!"
    Project Runway

sarcasm!
  • Helen: "Meeting!"
    Jake: "Golf!"
    Quinn: "Date!"
    Daria: "Sarcasm!"
    Daria // Jane's Addition

sardo
  • Boy: "Okay, Mr Sardo. I'll take-"
    Sardo: "That's Sar-do. No 'mister', accent on the 'do'."
    Are You Afraid of the Dark?

savingme
  • Tru: "So, maybe I couldn't save you. Maybe, just maybe, this is your way of saving me."
    Tru Calling // The Pilot

saynostrangle
  • House: "Like I tell all my patients, you've simply got to say 'no' to strangulation."
    House // Love Hurts

scaryinnerchild
  • George: "It looked like my inner child's road to adulthood was paved with crack cocaine, ten dollar blowjobs, and maybe even a trick baby or two."
    Dead Like Me // Pilot

screamin
  • Daria: "When this is all over, remind me to run screaming into the night."
    Daria

section601
  • Joe Friday: "The subject was booked under section 6-01, in danger of leading an idle, dissolute, or immoral life."
    Dragnet

seeinhell
  • Apu: "Thank you for coming! I'll see you in hell!"
    The Simpsons

selfemployed
  • Jack: "I finally found my life's calling and it involves these two hands."
    Will: "Ah, so you're going to be self-employed."
    Will and Grace // The Buying Game

serialpuppykickers
  • Quinn: "There's mass serial puppy killers and stuff."
    Daria // Gifted

serkisfat
  • Gollum: "Piss off, you stupid, fat, ::bleep:: turd!"
    MTV Movie Awards

sethnsync
  • John Stewart: "I don't know if you can get any more popular with the young people, that's what I'm saying. It may put you over the top into unbelievable-"
    Seth Green: "Maybe if I got, like, five other guys, and we had a harmonizing R&B band. Just a thought."
    John: "Seth Green in N'Sync is what you're telling me?"
    Seth: "That's what I'm getting it."
    John: "I think I like that very much."
    Seth: "I see it."
    The Daily Show

sethreadsfanfiction
  • John Stewart: "And the other fans just want you to probably..."
    Seth Green: "Oh my god! Yeah, I had...some people love the show and they get really nutty with it, and somebody told me that they wrote, like, erotica on the internet based on the Buffy characters, and I'm just afraid to look. You know, you don't wanna read about yourself in a Penthouse letter."
    John: "I've looked, it's nice. It's tastefully done, not the bad stuff that you see otherwise, and you're portrayed well."
    Seth: "Sweet, sweet. They said I was a large man."
    John: "That was what we call cyber inuendo from Seth Green."
    The Daily Show

SethSings
  • Seth Green: (singing) "I was singing, once again, I'm in love with you!"

seven
  • Monica "You could, uh, start out with a little one, a two, a one-two-three, a three, a five, a four, a three-two, two, a two-four-six, two-four-six, four, two, two, four-seven, five-seven, six-seven, seven... seven... seven... seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven... *seven*."
    Friends

sexanddeath
  • Angela: "It is a big deal. I mean, sex made your whole life start, and if you think about life as, like, a circle or something, then sex and death are the same. I'm not saying they're the same. I've thought about having sex with you, and god, I've never seriously thought about killing you-"
    Jared: "OKAY!"
    My So-Called Life

sexinhighschool
  • George: "Death is kind of like sex in high school. If you knew how many times you missed having it, you'd be paralyzed."
    Dead Like Me // Vacation

sexkickout
  • Brandy: "I'm not going to turn gay, no, no. I can't see myself marrying a woman. I'll have sex with one, don't get me wrong. But then I'll kick her out afterwards."
    Rock of Love

sexrashrotweiler
  • Angela: "Sex was this thing people *had*, like a rash. Or a Rottweiler."
    My So-Called Life // Pressure

sextohelp
  • Angela: "Look, if this weird for you, being tutored? I don't mind helping you a little longer."
    Jordan: "It's not so weird."
    Angela: "Oh, so, huh. Good!"
    Jordan: "You could, have sex with me though...if you really want to help. [as Angela laughs] I guess that's a 'no'."
    My So-Called Life // Resolutions

sexualservice
  • Heidi on the phone: "Hello? I said it's his wife?"
    Jaye: "His cheating wife, the one who broke his heart?"
    Heidi: "Who is this?"
    Jaye: "Eric can't talk right now, because he's servicing me sexually. Sorry."
    Wonderfalls // Pink Flamingo

sexyhack
  • Phoebe: "God, I love how sexy I am! ::cough cough HACK!::"
    Friends // The One With Joey's New Girlfriend

SF-Soup
  • Soup Nazi: "No soup for you!"
    Seinfeld

sharonduh
  • Rayanne: "I screwed up."
    Sharon: "Duh, squared."
    My So-Called Life // In Dreams Begin Responsibilities

sharonnpoorbitch
  • Wax Lion: "Sharon and poor bitch / Sittin' in a tree / K-I-S-S-I-N-G / First comes love / Then comes marriage / Then comes poor bitch / With a baby carriage / Sharon and poor bitch / Sittin' in a tree..."
    Wonderfalls // Wax Lion

sharpchopstick
  • House: "Not the sharpest chopstick in the drawer, is she?"
    House // Sleeping Dogs Lie

shavearms
  • "Do you shave your forearms?" "Oh, you know, I had to for a movie I'm in the middle of, where I'm playing an Olympic swimmer. There's not a hair on me from the neck down. I'm sorry, did I put a bad visual in your head?" "It's okay."

shesafifteen
  • Barney: "The stripper at Stuart's bachelor party was a 15."
    Ted: "She was 15!?"
    Barney: "No. A 15. Like in blackjack."
    Ted: "...As in not sure whether you'd hit it?"
    Barney: "Exactly!"
    How I Met Your Mother // Bachelor Party

shesfromfrance
  • Rayanne: "My girlfriend really needs one. Angela? It's like an emergency."
    Jordan: "Why doesn't she ask for herself?"
    Rayanne: "Well that's a long story. She's uh... French! She's from France."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

Shezzam
  • Gomer Piles (?): "Shezzam!"

shooteye
  • Tom: "Will someone please shoot me in the eye?"
    Third Rock from the Sun

shootgrowback
  • Roxy: "I will shoot you where you'd better pray it grows back."
    Dead Like Me // Death Defying

shoppingcart
  • Tiffany: "You know, I saw this homeless guy on TV once and he was wearing plaid pants with a striped top."
    Stacy: "Ew! Why can't he just reach inside his shopping cart and pick out something that matches?"
    Daria // The Old and the Beautiful

showmeyourboobs
  • Jane: "Oh, Daria, don't be shy. Show me your boobs. Why did I think this would be more interesting?"
    Daria // Too Cute

showmineshowyours
  • James Marsters: "I show you mine, you show me yours."
    Andromeda

shrunkenheads
  • "Now shrunken heads for all occasions! Collect 'em, swap 'em, give them to your witch doctor friends!"

shutupbrain
  • Homer: "Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip."
    The Simpsons

sistersbeeper
  • Quinn: "Mom! I can't know everything, I'm not my sister's beeper!"
    Daria // Fire!

sistershot
  • Juliet: "I don't ask questions i don't want to know the answers to."
    Shawn: "Then never ask your boyfriend if he thinks your sister's hot."
    Psych // Shawn vs the Red Phantom

sixdegreesass
  • Gus: "How about you play Six Degrees of Kiss My Ass?"
    Shawn: "First of all, that sounds like a totally disturbing game."
    Psych // 65 Million Years Off

sizeofmuscle
  • Mark: "It’s not the size of the muscle. It’s where you get to put it."
    House // Spin

slaptheho
  • Anchal: "She does bitchy little things and it makes you want to slap the ho."
    America's Next Top Model

sleepwithgaymen
  • Will: "Grace, do you want to sleep with me?"
    Grace: "Oh, gosh, I'm sorry, I don't sleep with gay men."
    Will: "See, that's a problem, because I do."
    Will and Grace // Big Brother is Coming

slippedandfell
  • Sam: "It was an accident."
    Will: "An accident? How does that work? 'Oh, sorry, I slipped and fell...over and over and over again!"
    Will and Grace // Big Brother is Coming

slut!1
  • Chandler: "Slut!"
    Friends

slutacious
  • Monique: "And Brooke was being slutacious."
    Charm School

slutaciouswhore
  • Monique: "In the end, Brooke was eliminated because she was being slutacious. She was the whore of charm school. A slutacious whore. HA! And if people say, 'Monique, how can you laugh at that?', 'cause dammit, it's funny!"
    Charm School

slutpotential
  • Angela: "What gives them the right to decide-"
    Rayanne: "Oh my God, Angela! I'm on it!"
    Angela: "What?"
    Rayanne: "Most Slut Potential" -- do ya love it? Aaah!"
    My So-Called Life // The Zit

slutresearch
  • Rayanne: "Potential slut, now where do people get that kinda idea about ME?"
    Rickie: "Research."
    My So-Called Life // The Zit

slutslot
  • Becky: "I don't dress like a slut. I dress more like a slot machine. Slot, slut. Very different."
    Charm School

smartretarded
  • Mason: "I'm smarter than you think."
    Rube: "Are you smart enough to play stupid?"
    Mason: "I'm so smart, I'm practically retarded."
    Dead Like Me // The Ledger

smellycat
  • Pheobe and Chris Isaacs singing 'Smelly Cat'.
    Friends

smellstepin
  • Caridee: "I smell what you're stepping in."
    America's Next Top Model

smughighlights
  • Wilson: "That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality."
    House: "Thank you. It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain."
    House // Occam's Razor

sneakyheteros
  • Jack: "Damn you sneaky heteros!"
    Will and Grace // A Chorus Lie

snickers
  • The Snickers Commercial that featured the Elephant and the Donkey. We all remember it, I know you do!

snikes
  • Chris Farley: "Holy shnikies!"
    Saturday Night Live

socialeventgayseason
  • Karen: "The Human Rights Campaign Gala is in a month. It's the social event of the gay season. Well, next to the Republican National Convention."
    Will & Grace // Attack of the Clones

societyassume
  • Mason: "All these fucking asumptions that society makes, man. It's like, you know; 'get a job,' 'eat food,' 'live in a house.' It's fascism, that is. Absolute fucking fascism. I won't take it."
    Dead Like Me // Always

socleaneat
  • Rayanne: "Ten days: no drink, no drugs. I’m so clean you could eat off me."
    My So-Called Life // Life of Brian

sode
  • Sharon: "The mouth-breather at the store said she went pale, twitched a couple of times, and passed out."
    Darrin: "Well, that doesn't sound good."
    Karen: "He called it a 'sode. Short for 'episode'."
    Jaye: "I'm fine, you can go home now."
    Karen: "Sweetheart, you're not fine. You had a 'sode."
    Wonderfalls // Wax Lion

sogood
  • "Oooh, I am *so* good. But when I'm bad, I'm better."

somebody
  • Dick: "Just because I'm a nobody doesn't mean I'm not somebody!"
    Third Rock From the Sun

somebodysanobody
  • Jaye: "How do you live with yourself? But then you don't, do you? Because you're not even you. And if you're not the person you say you are, then you spend 50 years being a nobody. And I’d rather be a nobody that’s a somebody than a somebody that’s just a nobody. Or something. The point is, you suck!"
    Wonderfalls // Barrell Bear

someonesphase
  • Rickie: "Kyle was probably her popular jock phase, now she's moving into her awkward but sensitive guy phase, you know?"
    Brian: "So you're saying I'm like someone's phase?"
    Rickie: "Hey, I wish I was."
    My So-Called Life Strangers in the House

somethingdontknowwhat
  • Chantal: "I think that I have something that no other girl has. I don't know what it is, but there's something."
    America's Next Top Model

somethingyoucanteach
  • Jane: "Thanks for the encourgement, you two. Maybe sometime you can teach me how to pass judgement on someone I've never met."
    Daria: "She's going to be dissappointed."
    Tom: "Yeah. That's not really the kind of thing you can teach."
    Daria // Life in the Past Lane

somuchlisping
  • Grace: "Because every gay man in this city is in this theater. There's so much lisping going on, it sounds like someone poked a hole in the lobby."
    Will and Grace // Von Trapped

sonofagun
  • Porky Pig. That's all I'm gonna say.

soundslikeface
  • Jack: "Three words. First word sounds like...head...uh...eyes, nose, face. Sounds like face! Face, case, stace, chase, wase, nase!"
    Karen: "Honey, those aren't even words!"
    Will and Grace // Big Brother is Coming

soylent
  • Man: "Soylent green is people!!"
    Twighlight Zone // How to Serve Man

spacepants
  • Santino: "Are these spacepants? Because my ass is out of this world."
    Project Runway

spacewestern
  • Danny: "You and Karen have a nice, quiet weekend of domestic cozytude again?"
    Paul: "Yeah, we had a nice dinner. Went to a movie. A space western."
    Danny: "Sounds great."
    The Inside // Skin and Bone

sparesomechange
  • Angela: "Excuse me..."
    Rayanne: "Could you spare some change, for a phone call? It's an emergency."
    Angela: "See, okay, see, this guy, like..."
    Rayanne: "...robbed our bus...tickets and um, you know my sister and I... We're, we're twins-"
    Angela: "No, we're not the kind of twins who look alike. We just finish..."
    Rayanne: "...each other's..."
    Angela: "...sentences."
    Angela: "Hey, that was cool."
    Both: "How'd we do that?"
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

speak
  • Brian: "I have to ask Delia Fisher to the dance. I have to. SPEAK!"
    My So-Called Life // Life of Brian

speakhindu
  • Hindu man: "How come all you convenience store guys are always American? Speak Hindu!"
    Clerks: The Animated Series

spelletcetera
  • Furonda: "How do you spell etcetera?"
    Jade: "E-X-C-E-D-E-R-A. Took me a minute, yo. Wait. E-X-C-E-D-E-A-R. Etcetera. Is that wrong?"
    America's Next Top Model

spewrainbows
  • Jenah: "I don't have to just spew rainbows incessantly just for girls to want to be like me."
    America's Next Top Model // Cycle 9

spiritanimal
  • Daria: "Quinn, maybe you'd better take it easy for a little while."
    Jake: "Spirit animal! Come back, spirit animal!"
    Helen: "Girls! Have you seen your father's spirit animal? He was just telling it about his childhood when it jumped up and scampered off!"
    Daria // The Teachings of Don Jake

spitsfine
  • Ross: "If she wants to move on, that's fine!"
    Chandler: "You know when 'that's fine' sounds true? When someone yells it, and spits."
    Friends // The One Where Monica Sings

spitonyourcrotch
  • Rachel: "I mean, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?"
    Friends // The One With Ross's New Girlfriend

spoonfulosugar
  • Mr O’Neill: "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down."
    Jane: "Not if you're diabetic."
    Daria

sportsthoughts
  • Barry: "I can't do that, he's out of my league! He's an all-star, I'm barely in the minors."
    Will: "Sports, again? What did I tell you to do when those thoughts come into your head?"
    Barry: "Right. Judi, Liza, Barbra, Bette. These are names I shan't forget."
    Will & Grace // Attack of the Clones

squeakieduckie
  • Rayanne: "I'm squeaky clean, like a rubber ducky."
    My So-Called Life // On The Wagon

squeezecharmin
  • Muse: "Don't squeeze the Charmin!"
    Wonderfalls // Wax Lion

squeezehandasmuch
  • Sharon: "Sometimes I miss you so much!"
    Angela: "Me too."
    Sharon: "It really hurt."
    Angela: "Squeeze my hand as hard as it hurts."
    My So-Called Life Strangers in the House

squirrelperv
  • Daria: "Stop staring at me, you squirrel pervert!"
    Daria // Road Worrier

squishyfat
  • Quinn: "Eeew! You're not really gonna eat all that fat, are you?"
    Daria: "No. I'm gonna stick it in my boots 'cause I love the 'squishy, squishy' feeling 'round my toes."
    Quinn: "Eew!"
    Daria // Fire!

stabrepeatedly
  • Angela: "Lately I can't even look at my mother without wanting to stab her repeatedly."
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

staffresignations
  • Mr DeMartino: "Ah, Ms Li, I wonder if I might-"
    Ms Li: "Forget it! I've already told you, no staff resignations while class is in session!"
    Daria // The Old and the Beautiful

stalkstabsteal
  • Bianca: (stuttering) "No, I'm St-st..."
    Jaye: "Stalking me? Stabbing me? Stealing my organs after you stab me? Stitching a skin suit out of my dead corpse after you stab me and steal my organs?"
    Bianca: "I'm STUDYING you!"
    Wonderfalls // Karma Chameleon

starvingartist
  • Trent: "Um, why do you want to go to art college? You're already an artist."
    Jane: "I know. But I want to be a starving artist, so I need to ring up more debt."
    Daria

starvingboston
  • Kiffany: "Did you take that man's steak?"
    Mason: "He was finished. And we wouldn't want to waste food now, would we Kiffany? Not when there are children starving in Boston."
    Dead Like Me // Always

stealstrangers
  • Girl: "You're not supposed to steal."
    Jaye: "You're not supposed to talk to strangers. Piss off!"
    Wonderfalls // Wax Lion

stealmonkey
  • Mahandra: "Why'd you steal that monkey?"
    Jaye: "It told me to."
    Wonderfalls // Wax Lion

sternumbush
  • Shawn: "You need to show some chest hair, chicks dig the sternum bush."
    Psych // He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, Oops, He's Dead

stilldoingit
  • Jane: "Anyway, being in a relationship can't POSSIBLY hinge on physical intimacy, 'cause that would mean our parents are still doing it."
    Daria

storytime
  • Will Farrel: "When you're telling these little stories, here's a good idea. Have a point!"

stressed
  • Animal growling.

stretchpants
  • Tiffany: "Stretch pants. Everywhere, stretch pants."
    Stacy: "Hey, these are stretch pants! I'm wearing stretch pants!"
    Sandi: "They're leggings! They're leggings! It's all right."
    Daria // Road Worrier

strongenoughtohold
  • Shawn: "Remember when you went on matchmaker.com?"
    Gus: "You mean when you posted a profile of me without my knowledge?"
    Shawn: "Right. And all the women who responded were complete freaks."
    Gus: "That's because you said I was looking for a woman strong enough to hold me."
    Shawn: "I didn't think they would take it literally."
    Psych // Rob-a-Bye Baby

strongstomachnthighs
  • Danny: "I'm not even gonna tell you what my nephew did on Saturday in front of this girl I was working on. Good thing she has a strong stomach. Pretty strong thighs, too."
    Melody: "Ew."
    The Inside // Skin and Bone

stuart
  • Stuart Smalley: "Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonit, people like me."
    Saturday Night Live

stuckignoreother
  • House: "Well, as long as we're stuck with each other, we might as well ignore each other." [Hava Naglia plays] "That wasn't nearly as dramatic as I was hoping."
    House // Control

studyhall
  • Jane: "So, I'm off to study hall."
    Daria: "To finish your nap?"
    Jane: "You know me too well."
    Daria

stuffedtouching
  • Mahandra: "Your mansweat is like honey mustard glaze on my tongue."
    Monkey: "Inappropriate touching!"
    Wax Lion: "This isn't fun for anybody!"
    Wonderfalls // Lovesick Ass

stupidecho
  • Angela: "You know how sometimes the last sentence you said, like, echoes in your brain, and it just keeps sounding stupider? And you have to say something else, just to make it stop?"
    My So-Called Life // Father Figures

stupidestever
  • Guy: "Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep talking!"
    King of the Hill

styleofbrokeness
  • Sapphyri: "My style is inspired by brokeness. I don't have a lot of money, but I have a lot of boobs. I guess some people would say it's a little cheap, but hey, what the hell."
    Charm School

subdermalirritants
  • Helen: "Oh, that sister of mine. She's as twisted as a corkscrew."
    Jake: "Mmm.
    Daria: "Damn siblings."
    Helen: "Honestly, I think the only reason she ever gets in touch at all is so that she can get under my skin."
    Jake: "Mmm."
    Daria: "Damn subdermal irritants."
    Daria // Through a Lens Darkly

subtleoatmeal
  • Foghorn Leghon: "That dog's as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oatmeal."
    Looney Tunes

suck_uck
  • Homer: "You suck-diddly-uck, Flanders!"
    The Simpsons

suckygift
  • Sally: "How nice. The gift that keeps on sucking."
    Third Rock From the Sun

sugar
  • Mr O'Neil: "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down."
    Jane: "Not if you're diabetic."
    Daria

supportgrouplimit
  • Jane: "Did you hear that? You're no longer the only brain in the school."
    Daria: "Hmm. I guess I'll have to kill him."
    Jane: "Aw, don't kill him. You two can start a support group."
    Daria: "Sorry. All my support groups have a one member limit."
    Daria // Murder She Snored

supportivebikini
  • Ross: "I'm just being supportive. Supportive of you, and this whole trip and...what is this?"
    Elizabeth: "It's a bathing suit."
    Ross: "To wear in front of people?"
    Elizabeth: "Is that supportive?"
    Ross: "Is this?"
    Friends // The One With Joey's Fridge

surewhatever
  • Ms Bitters: "Suure, whatever."
    Invader Zim

surprisehole
  • Jane: "So, you did go out with Trent."
    Daria: "Shopping for your birthday present. Oops. He wanted to surprise you."
    Jane: "And he got me a hole in your navel. That is a surprise."
    Daria // Pierce Me

surroundedbyugly
  • Marco: "You know, I used to go out with my hair uncombed and stuff, but then I realized that by looking good, I'm bringing a little beauty into the lives of people surrounded by their own ugliness."
    Quinn: "I know exactly how you feel."
    Daria // Just Add Water

soundslikemymarriage
  • Neil: "So, me and Marla, there's still a connection, I mean we still see each other sometimes, and once in a while you know, we still have sex."
    Graham: "Sounds like my marriage. Just kidding."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

sufferinglast
  • Daria: "I knew her suffering wouldn't last."
    Jane: "The good times never do."
    Daria // Groped by an Angel

swedishtwerp
  • Wilson: "Of course, in Swedish the word 'friend' can also be translated as 'limping twerp'."
    House // Histories

sweetass
  • "You bet my sweet ass."
    Laugh-In

synchswimming
  • Chandler: "This is like figure skating team all over again! I mean synchronized swimming. I mean...I mean the balance beam. Help me."
    Ross: "Football!"
    Chandler: "Thank you!"
    Friends // The One With Phoebe's Wedding

T


talkbutton
  • Angela: "If only there was a button somewhere that I could just push to force me stop talking."
    My So-Called Life // Why Jordan Can't Read

talkingcookies
  • Karen: "I'm a little more together than you think."
    Leo: "Hey, hey! Anyone order a Cookie bouquet?"
    Karen: "The TALKING COOKIES! They're BAAAAAAAACK!!"
    Will & Grace // Attack of the Clones

talknormalperson
  • Angela: "Really? Do you think she did? Really? You think she siliconed her lips, really?"
    Rayanne: "Angela, he's gone. You can talk like a normal person."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

talktocat
  • Shawn: "I want to talk to that cat...as soon as he's finished licking himself."
    Psych // 9 Lives

takeherclubbing
  • Jaye: "You should come out with us. I thought we could take her clubbing."
    Mahandra: "Baby seals?"
    Wonderfalls // Karma Chameleon

taradise
  • Kayne: "I thought it might be Tara Reid because she's the only jetsetter that I can think of that was hip. She had that show 'Taradise', and she always took off her tops and showed her boobies."
    Project Runway

tasteslikefeet
  • Ross: "It tastes like feet!"
    Friends // The One Where Ross Got High

tattoo
  • Brain: "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
    Pinky: "I think so, but where will we find an open tattoo parlor at this time of night?"
    Pinky and the Brain

tctheme
  • The theme song clip from "Tru Calling".
    Tru Calling

teapotdome
  • Mr Demarteno: "Kevin! Who were the principal players in the teapot dome scandal?!"
    Kevin: "The New Orleans Saints?"
    Daria // Murder She Snored

teenhelpline
  • Rayanne: "Teenage help line?"
    Sharon: "Yeah, what about it?"
    Rayanne: "I don't know, just -- making depressed people talk to someone like you. Couldn't that, like, I dunno, push them over the edge?"
    My So-Called Life // So-Called Angels

telephonespank
  • Monica: "Oh, that's a great idea. You're really good on the phone."
    Phoebe: "It sounds better than the last telephone job I had. At least I probably won't have to say 'spank' as much."
    Friends // The One Where Rosita Dies

tenseparty
  • Rachel: "You must give me the name of your wedding planner, I want to throw a really tense party."
    Friends // The One With Phoebe's Wedding

tenshades
  • George: "It's ten shades of suck, is what it is."
    Dead Like Me // Pilot

tellthattobatman
  • Blossom: " "We're superheroes."
    Bubbles: "We were born with super-powers."
    Buttercup: "You can't just buy super-powers."
    Princess Morbucks: "Oh, yeah? Tell that to Batman."
    The Powerpuff Girls

thanksforlife
  • Rayanne: "Patty, thanks. For, like...for my life."
    My So-Called Life // On The Wagon

thatsmyleg
  • John Stewart: "Can you stay for the rest of the show?"
    Seth Green: "Sure, man, I'll hang around."
    John: "Rest of the week?"
    Seth: "Yeah, a couple of weeks?"
    John: "What if we did Seth Gr-that's my leg."
    The Daily Show

thefable
  • Rickie: "Once upon a time there lived a girl. She slept in a lovely little cottage made of ginger bread and candy. She was always asleep. One morning she woke up, and the candy had mold on it. Her father blew her a kiss and the house fell down. She realized she was lost. She found herself walking down a crowded street. But the people were made of paper. Like paper dolls. She blew everyone a kiss good bye and watched as they blew away."
    My So-Called Life // The Substitute

thepubliceye
  • Ms Li: "Daria, think of a giant eyeball. That's the public eye. When the public eye is turned on our little corner of the universe, how do we want to look?"
    Daria: "Blech."
    Ms Li: "Blech?"
    Daria: "Giant eyeballs. Creepy."
    Daria // The Lost Girls

thesystemsucks
  • Daria: "The system's failed us."
    Jane: "The system sucks. We're gonna have to go outside the system."
    Daria

theyknowweknow
  • Phoebe: They don't know we know they know we know! And Joey, you can't say anything!"
    Joey: "Even if I wanted to!"
    Friends // The One Where Everybody Finds Out

thinkphobia
  • Mr DeMartino: "Do you perhaps harbor a powerful phobia that it will actually hurt to think?"
    Daria // Fat Like Me

thinpoorpeople
  • Stacy: "If people in really poor countries can't get food, does that mean they can't get diet soda, either?"
    Tiffany: "But then, how do they stay thin?"
    Daria // Groped by an Angel

thissucks
  • Tom: "Boy, is this sucking!"
    Third Rock From the Sun

threatengoodtime
  • Tiffany: "Don't threaten me with a good time."
    Rock of Love

threefourtimes
  • Angela: "I've been kissed three times. No, four times. No, three times. All of them were people I never saw again, which I hope doesn't like, mean something."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

threekidsvagina
  • Ross: "It's going to be okay."
    Phoebe: "That's easy for you to say. I don't see three babies coming out of your vagina."
    Friends // The One Hundredth

threesomehelpful
  • Cameron: "If you ask me, if two people really trust each other, a threesome once every seven years might actually help a marriage."
    House: "Okay, I say we stop the DDX and discuss that comment."
    House // Clueless

threespeeds
  • Tim Allen: "Three speeds. Low, medium, and 'who needs a man?'"
    Home Improvement?

throatredhot
  • David Letterman: "Is your throat red hot right now?"
    Eliza Dushku: "Um, it may very well be, Dave."
    David Letterman

throweverybook
  • Lassiter: "If I catch you anywhere near this case, I will throw every book I can find at you."
    Shawn: "What if you find the bible? You gonna throw that at me, too? Seems a little sacriligious to me, don't you think?"
    Psych // Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

throwingcivil
  • Rayanne: "Excuse me, people throwing themselves at people is like the basis of civilization."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

tiredasscheese
  • Sapphyri: "We were supposed to cook out the cookbook. I don't think Mo has no recipes caled 'Grill Tired-Ass Cheese'."
    Charm School

tiredofhead
  • Jodie: "Listen, I shouldn't have bitten your head off, either. I'm sorry about that."
    Daria: "Don't worry about it. I was tired of that head, anyway."
    Daria // Partner's Complaint

tivoprayer
  • Ted: "Oh mighty Tivo, we thank you for all the gifts you have given us. The power to freeze live TV to go take a leak is nothing short of godlike. Let's not forget fast forwarding through commercials. It seems greedy to ask anything more from you, oh magic box, but if you malfunction and miss the Superbowl, we will destroy you in the alley with baseball bats. Amen."
    How I Met Your Mother // Monday Night Football

toilet
  • Jane: "Oh, no, the toilet is talking to me again."
    Daria

tolaugh
  • Daffy Duck: "Ho ho. Very funny. Ha ha. It is to laugh."

toobigwontfit
  • Kyle: "Phil, Brian Krakow has Rayanne Graff chained to a bed, and they're all watching."
    Rayanne: "Krakow, stop, it's too big. It won't fit."
    My So-Called Life // Weekend

toolatedisturbed
  • Quinn: "You know, I think I'll finish dinner in my room. I don't want to be disturbed."
    Daria: "Too late."
    Daria // Groped by an Angel

toolbox
  • Julie: "You need a hand unpacking? I'm happy to help, unless you have a bunch of personal weird stuff you don't want me to see."
    Grace: "No, just don't open the one marked 'Tools'."
    Will & Grace // Gay it Forward

toomanybigwords
  • Angela: "Oh, really? Why, why is that? I'm curious, I'd really like to know what it was that made it so incredibly boring. Just tell me, was it, was it, is it, it too emotional, too personal, too many big words-"
    Jordan: "Just shut up!"
    My So-Called Life // Why Jordan Can't Read

topoflistwilmer
  • Randall: "You have just become the top of my List of Enemies. Youhave just leapt RIGHT past Wilmer Volderama. Congratulations, BUDDY!"
    Will & Grace // Friends with Benefits

touchjackinam
  • Jack: [singing] "Touch me in the mornin'..."
    Karen: "Honey, I'm busy. Touch yourself."
    Will and Grace // Between a Rock and Harlan's Place

tractionpulley
  • Quinn: "How will I hold my head up in the Fashion Club?"
    Daria: "A traction pulley?"
    Daria // Malled

trademarkinfringe
  • House: "He is not a saint. He figures out what's going on in people's lives by watching, listening, deducing..."
    Wilson: "And you're worried about trademark infringement?"
    House // House vs God

treatednicely
  • Chandler: "Well, I don't think you can make that statement unless you've been kicked in an area that God only meant to be treated nicely."
    Friends // The One With The Morning After

trentndaria4eva
  • Trent: "Too bad you're not a few years older, huh? I could take you out."
    Daria // Lane Miserables

trentyesm
  • Trent: "Yes'm."
    Daria // Lane Miserables

truefalse
  • Instructor: "When you get a multiple choice question, you can usually eliminate two of the answers right off."
    Brittany: "Excuse me, sir? Does that work with true/false?"
    Daria // College Bored

tryeverythingonce
  • Daria: "I believe you should try everything once, no matter how unmistakably stupid it is."
    Daria // My Night at Daria's

tryitpokey
  • Gumby: "You wanna try it, Pokey?"
    Pokey: "No, thanks. I prefer grass."
    Gumby

tubbytonedeaf
  • Owen: "'Cause you won't get him..."
    Jack: "Thinkin' and a-hopin'..."
    Owen: "Wishin' and a-prayin'..."
    Jack: "Lyin' and a-cheatin'!"
    Owen: "Tubby and a-tone-deaf!"
    Jack: "Stop it!"
    Will and Grace // A Chorus Lie

tutu
  • Brain: "Pinky. Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
    Pinky: "I think so, Brain, but this time you wear the tutu."
    Pinky and the Brain

tutut
  • Jade: "If it was up to me, I wouldn't have chose to ride in the Toot Tooy. Put put. Hoot hoot. Tut Tut. HOOPTY!"
    America's Next Top Model

twirlvacant
  • Brittany: "Maybe I could teach you something."
    Daria: "Well. You could show me how to twirl hair around my little finger and look vacant."
    Brittany: "I don't know if that's something you can teach."
    Daria // The Invitation

twistedpoliticianbrain
  • Foreman: "You wanna cut into his brain?"
    House: "Dangerous, I know. Especially as he’s a politician, his brain’s all twisted."
    House // Role Model

twoparenthousehold
  • Rayanne: "Aww, In-Touch-With-His-Emotions Dad."
    Angela: "Shut up!"
    Rayanne: "Ignore Angela, she can't help herself. She's a product of a two-parent household."
    My So-Called Life // Father Figures

twovaliumsforteething
  • Gus: "Do you have any remedies for teething pains?"
    Nanny Candidate: "Two valiums."
    Gus: "You would give the baby valiums?"
    Candidate: "Oh, no, of course not. Those are for me so I can deal with the crying. I just give the baby half a valium."
    Psych // Rob-a-Bye Baby

typeoftown
  • Brian: "Apparently, Delia Fisher smiles at everyone. She probably comes from one of those small towns where everyone’s friendly and smiles at you for no reason. I hate that type of town."
    My So-Called Life // Life of Brian

tyrapredictable
  • Tyra: "I ain't unpredictable, child. You know I'm gonna have a hair weave, a bunch of makeup on, and a dress that's cinched at my waist."
    America's Next Top Model

U


umher
  • Angela: "But, she's someone Jordan used to...um..."
    Rayanne: "Yes, Jordan used to 'um' her."
    My So-Called Life // Pressure

unconsciouskiss
  • Angela: "That was the most exciting one, except it may not count as an actual kiss since I was kind of unconscious."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

undercardiacarrest
  • Stripper: "You, my dear, are under arrest!"
    Phoebe: "Cardiac arrest?"
    Friends // The One Where the Stripper Cries

unpopularanimals
  • Quinn: "Daddy!"
    Jake: "It was dead already, sweetheart. Just like the others."
    Quinn: "How do you know?"
    Daria: "You didn't hear any screaming, did you?"
    Quinn: "I think people who run over animals should get run over themselves to see how they like it."
    Daria: "What about unpopular animals?"
    Quinn: "Unpopular animals don't count."
    Daria: "What about the stupid ones?"
    Daria // College Bored

upchuckew
  • Sandi: "Tiffany, dear. Would you please explain to the Spatula Man why a bumper sticker cannot possibly compensate for the shame and permanent reputation damage involved in a single date with Charles Ruttheimer."
    Tiffany: "Upchuck? Eww..."
    Daria // Jake of Hearts

Urge
  • Clip from herbal essence commercial

usecellphone
  • Joy: "Don't be such a pussy."
    Clancy: "Joy, you know that I have a phobia about spiders."
    Joy: "Use your cell phone. See if you can find someone who gives a flying fuck."
    Dead Like Me // Vacation

usedlips
  • Rayanne: "You should really consider having your lips frosted permanently."
    Angela: "They feel like they were."
    Rayanne: "I noticed. They look all like used. But in a good way."
    My So-Called Life // Self Esteem

V


valvesnotreal
  • Wilson: "Oh, no wonder you were in the mood. This month's New Jersey Journal of Cardiology."
    House: "Have you seen the centerfold? There's no way those valves are real!"
    House // Safe

vampirepigs
  • Gaz: "Give me...the vampire piggies!"
    Invader Zim

vampirelayer
  • Chandler: "Phoebe Buffay in 'Buffay the Vampire Layer.'"
    Friends

vanriver
  • Chris Farley: "And I live in a van down by the river!"
    Saturday Night Live

veryuncool
  • Kevin: "Woah. Dude. That is very uncool."
    Daria

viciousthings
  • Quinn: "I mean, I like being attractive and popular. It's, like, me, okay? So if Dr. Shar makes everyone else attractive and popular, then I'll have to be even more attractive just to keep up, and then if they, like, go back her to catch up to me, then I'll have to go back, and pretty soon it'll be like one of those vicious things! Where will it end Daria? Where will it end?"
    Daria // Too Cute

vinknutbag
  • Dr Vink: "And I am NOT a nutbag."
    Are You Afraid of the Dark?

vitameata
  • Lucy: "Hello, friends. I'm your vitameatavegamin girl!"
    I Love Lucy

vocalexcercise
  • Interviewer: "Do you have excercises for your voice now?"
    Eliza Dushku: "I do! They want me to hang out in my living room and make noises at myself."
    Interviewer: "Let's hear them! Give me a couple."
    Eliza: "Um, well, they told me I had to pick something that was within a few feet, like, your face for instance. Just noises, babbles, like, ooh, aaaah, eeeee, oooooh. Wow, this is turning really bad."

vomitdinner
  • Ms Defoe: "'She knows she's a winner, she couldn't be thinner, now she goes in the bathroom and vomits up dinner?'"
    Daria // Arts 'n' Crass

vomitpoem
  • Jaye: "'Never break this spell I'm under, every thought of you is wonder.' I think I just threw up a little in my mouth."
    Wonderfalls // Lovesick Ass

W


wabbits
  • Elmer Fudd: "Shhh. Be vewy vewy quiet. I'm hunting wabbits. Heh heh heh heh heh."

wackassass
  • Larissa: "She's a wack-ass bitch that has a wack-ass weave and I don't like her wack-ass ass."
    Charm School

waitlifestart
  • Rickie: "Where is Tino?"
    Rayanne: "He'll be here. Haven't you ever waiting for anything?"
    Rickie: "Yeah, for my life to start."
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

wantedpierced
  • Trent: "Haven't you always wanted to get pierced?"
    Daria

wanttobeabat
  • Daria: "'Which animal would you rather be? A dog, a seal, or a lion?'"
    Jane: "How about a bat?"
    Daria: "Bat's not an option."
    Jane: "Write it in."
    Daria: "'Now explain your choice in a brief sentence.'"
    Jane: "I've always wanted to sleep upside down and spread rabies."
    Daria // Pyscho Therapy

war
  • Bugs Bunny: "Of course you know THIS means war."

wasabiballs
  • Grace: "I'm gonna deep fry your balls, dip 'em in wasabi paste, and fly 'em freight back to L.A."
    Saving Grace // Is There a Scarlet Letter on my Breast?

watchesdepressme
  • Trent: "I got to get to rehearsal. I'm late."
    Daria: "How do you know? You don't wear a watch."
    Trent: "I'm always late. That's why I don't wear a watch. They depress me."
    Daria // Jane's Addition

waytoointrospective
  • Angela: "What I was thinking, as like a New Year's resolution, is to stop getting so caught up in my own thoughts, 'cause I'm like way too introspective. I think..."
    My So-Called Life // Resolutions

weddingdresscampout
  • Lily: "We'll all have a wedding dress campout, it'll be fun!"
    Barney: "I can't go, I've got this thing."
    Lily: "What thing?"
    Barney: "A penis!"
    How I Met Your Mother // Lucky Penny

wefoundprince
  • Lassiter: "You missed something. We found prints."
    Shawn: "Was he in a little red corvette?"
    Gus: "Under the cherry moon?"
    Lassiter: "FINGER prints."
    Psych // American Duos

weknowhow
  • Graham: "Dance with me."
    Patty: "But we don't know how."
    Graham: "We know how."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

weneedawife
  • Patty: "You know what we need? A wife."
    My So-Called Life // The Substitute

wellbalancedmother
  • Angela: "I cannot bring myself to eat a well-balanced meal in front of my mother. It just means too much to her."
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

weshoulddothisagain
  • Monica: "Loosely translated, 'We should do this again' means 'You will never see me naked.'"
    Friends // The One With the Thumb

whatawank
  • Chandler: "What a wank!"
    Friends // The One With the Racecar Bed

whatitdo
  • Natasha: "What it do, Shorty?"
    America's Next Top Model

whatmeanttodo
  • Daisy: "I actually have to work today myself. Doing what I was meant to do."
    Roxy: "Hooker."
    Dead Like Me // Ashes to Ashes

whatprayerisfor
  • Daisy: "Well that's not what prayer is for, Roxy."
    Roxy: "It's not for making yourself feel better after you fuck up."
    Mason: "That's what I use it for."
    Dead Like Me // In Escrow

whatsregal
  • Danielle: "Jay's like, 'You look regal'. I did not know what regal meant, so I didn't say nothing. If it's bad, I don't want to be like, 'Thank you!'"
    America's Next Top Model

whatsritalin
  • Chance: "That [bleep] Boston told me I need Ritalin and [bleep] like that. I need Ritalin and [bleep]? I need Ritalin? Phew, man, come on, man. What is Ritalin?
    I Love New York

whatswrongwyou
  • Helen: "We tell you over and over again that you're wonderful and you just don't get it. What's wrong with you?!"
    Daria

whatyouputincoffee
  • Gene: "You put this in your coffee."
    Joey: "A spoon! Your hands! Your face!"
    Gene: "It's white."
    Joey: "Paper! Snow! A ghost!"
    Gene: "It's heavier than milk."
    Joey: "A rock! A dog! The earth!"
    Friends // The One Where the Stripper Cries

whatnotodo
  • Jill: "You have no right to tell me what to do!"
    Rachel: "I'm not telling you what to do! I am telling you what not to do!"
    Friends // The One Where Chandler Can't Cry

whenimthirty
  • Sarah Michelle Gellar: "I just love your columns. They're so relatable."
    Carrie: "Thanks. Well, I try."
    Sarah: "It's like, I'm you. Or, I will be when I turn thirty."
    Sex in the City

whiner
  • Gaz: "Pssht. Whiner."
    Invader Zim

whippedcweam
  • House: "Favorite...dessert topping? Trust me, you never know what fact may prove the key to saving your life."
    Harpo: "Whipped...cweam."
    House // No Reason

whitepeople
  • Nina: "You are some messed up white people."
    Third Rock From the Sun

whoireallyam
  • Kevin: "Daria, what did you get for number one?"
    Daria: "The thing about who I really am?"
    Kevin: "Yeah."
    Daria: "Try 'cross-dresser'."
    Kevin: "Thanks, man. I owe you one."
    Daria // College Bored

whydothis
  • Chandler: "Why? Why why why why why would they do this?"
    Friends // The One with the Princess Leia Fantasy

whyruhowur
  • Jordan: "Why are you like this?"
    Angela: "Like what?"
    Jordan: "Like how you are."
    My So-Called Life // Life of Brian

wildlyinapp
  • Garcia: "I watch the BET. Whatever, them fellows use it, they toss it around."
    Dangle: "So, you're saying that, in the context of a joke, it is okay to use the n-word."
    Garcia: "Yeah, loosen somebody up. A little brevity."
    Dangle: "Check our tolerance policy: Our answer is no, it is not okay."
    Jonesy: "If I could... I don't use it, but if I wanted to... Could I?"
    Raineesha: "Yeah. I think I should."
    Wiegel: "What if someone says, 'What, which nigger took the last donut?'"
    Dangle: "That's wildly inappropriate."
    Reno 911

wilsonasgod
  • Wilson: "House, this is God."
    House: "Look, I'm a little busy right now. Not supposed to talk during these things. Got time Thursday?"
    Wilson: "Let me check. Oh, I got a plague! How about Friday?"
    House: "You'll have to check with Cameron."
    Wilson: "Oh, damn it! She always wants to know why bad things happen. Like I'm gonna come up with a new answer this time."
    House // Skin Deep

wisdomous
  • Phoebe: "You've always looked out for me, and shared your wisdom."
    Joey: "I am pretty wisdomous."
    Friends // The One With Phoebe's Wedding

woeisus
  • Mason: "Woe is us! Woe is me! Just woe! Dead! Really fucking dead!"
    Dead Like Me // Forget Me Not

womenarentgreat
  • Ross: "I'm sorry your husband cheated on you."
    Rachel: "I'm sorry your wife is gay. I guess women aren't that great, either."
    Ross: "Try telling my wife that."
    Friends // The One That Could Have Been

wondersofmynipples
  • Stimpy: "I have a dream! I believe one day that everyone, everywhere, will know the wonders of my nipples."
    Ren and Stimpy

wonttakelong
  • Rickie: "If you were about to do it, okay, what would you want the other person to say, like, right before."
    Rayanne: "'This won't take long.'"
    My So-Called Life // Pilot

woodedthicket
  • Daria: "There's no place left for me to hide."
    Jane: "You could always dive into a wooded thicket. (Daria stares at her) Hey, it works for bunnies."
    Daria // Jake of Hearts

wookie
  • Kid: "I bent my wookie."
    The Simpsons

workinontherailroad
  • Mystik Spiral: "1,2,3,4! I've been working on the railroad, every pointless day! I've been working on the railroad, while my life gets pissed away! Can't you hear the whistle blowing, shatter my dreams in the morn, can't you hear the captain shouting, wish I was never born!"
    Daria // Speed Trapped

workit
  • Chick from Herbal Essence commercial: "Work it, work it!"
workonapparatus
  • Rayanne: "He wants you to work on his apparatus."
    Brian: "Just shut up, ok?"
    Rayanne: "What would your parents say?"
    Brian: "My parents are out of town, which is....which has nothing to do..."
    Rayanne: "She'll be there."
    My So-Called Life // Dancing in the Dark

workout
  • Thelma: "Oh, and since when are you such an authority? Your idea of a workout includes a man, a bed, and a cigarette afterwards."
    Mama's Family

workyourcaresaway
  • Doozers: "Work your cares away. Dancing's for another day. Work your cares away. Down in fraggle rock."
    Fraggle Rock

worldelsewhere
  • Girl: "I trusted you. I told myself I was in love with you."
    Anthony Stewart Head: "You've got to believe me. I'm the thing Security Service Fears the most. A spy who goes through traitor's gate willingly and embraces everything he's been trained to destroy. I wanted to be with you, I wanted to be one of you. I've learned from you, there is a world elsewhere."
    Spooks

worriedmightbehell
  • Quinn: "So you see, when you contribute to my surgery, it's like we're all sharing the surgery. We're making a statement about solidarity!"
    Andrea: "Solidarity?"
    Quinn: "You know, sisterhood is powerful!"
    Andrea: "Aren't you a little worried that there may be a hell?"
    Daria // Too Cute

X


Y


yachtexpert
  • Foreman: "Guy's probably a heroin addict. Explains the tachycardia, which caused the pulminary adema."Chase: "How does an inmate on death row get his hands on heroin?"
    Foreman: "Are you serious?"
    House: "Man knows prisons. When we got a yachting question, we'll come to you."
    House // Acceptance

yeahbing
  • Joey: "Yeah, Bing. What's that about?"
    Friends

yellowsandals
  • Tiffany: "Yellow sandals are so wrong."
    Daria // Of Human Bonding

yezzir
  • Chance: "[Bleep] him and his backstabbing big fat-mouthed blabber-ass ninja turtle-looking [bleep] yezzir talking sipping mother[bleep] ass."
    I Love New York

yiffing
  • Bud: "It started as a scritch, then everyone got in a fur pile, and pretty soon we were all yiffing."
    CSI // Fur and Loathing

youaresuchaloser
  • Sarah Michelle Gellar: "You! You are such a loser! You're a loser! You are! Loser! I'm kidding! What a loser."
    Sex in the City

youlisten
  • Jaye: Tell me why you talk to me!"
    Brass Monkey: "Because...you listen."
    Wonderfalls // Cocktail Bunny

yourang
  • Lurch: "You rang?"
    Addam's Family

yuppies
  • Quinn: "Daria, you can't leave me here with those...those yuppies!"
    Daria: "Yuppies are from the 80's."
    Quinn: "So, what do you call people with funny outfits who talk about peace and love and stuff?"
    Daria: "Trekkies."
    Daria // That Was Then, This Is Dumb

Z


zipitbitch
  • Janice: "Zip it, bitch, zip it. You're dead in my book."
    America's Next Top Model

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