• River: “Two by two, hands of blue.”
  Firefly // Ariel

• River: “Two by two, hands of blue.” (Different from 2by2)
  Firefly // Train Job

• Book: “A duel?”
  Wash: “With swords?”
  Simon: “The Captain's a good fighter, he must know how to handle a sword?”
  Zoe: “I think he knows which end to hold.”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Adam Baldwin singing The Ballad of Jayne.
  

• River: “Let's go again!”
  Simon: “Later. Maybe.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Alliance Comm: “I'm not in the habit of destroying evidence.”
  Mal: “Of course not, it'd be against the rules.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Mal: “Nice shot!”
  Jayne: “I was aiming for his head!”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Mal: “Besides, those soft cotton dresses work real nice. There's the whole, ah...airflow.”
  Inara: “And you'd know that because... ?”
  Mal: “You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Mal: "How we doing?"
  Wash: "I don't mean to alarm anybody...but I think...we're being followed."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Inara: “Mal, you don't have to die alone.”
  Mal: “Everybody dies alone.”
  Firefly // Out of Gas

• Mal: “Mercy is the mark of a great man. (stabs Atherton) Guess I'm just a good one. (stabs Atherton again) Well, I'm alright.”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Wash: "I'm ambidextrious? Which REALLY came in handy right around 12, 13."
  Firefly Gagreel

• River: “Noah's Ark is a problem.”
  Book: “Really?”
  River: “We'll have to call it early quantum state phenomenon. Only way to fit 5000 species of mammal on the same boat!”
  Book: “Give me that!”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Simon: "Kaylee. Stay with me. Stay with me. Can you move your feet?"
  Kaylee: "Are you asking me to dance...?"
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Mal: “Why don't you take your sister for a little walk?”
  Simon: “A walk?”
  Mal: “Yeah, someplace... away.”
  Firefly // Safe

• Mal: “I don't know what you got in your head, but I didn't do this to prove some kind of point to you! I actually thought I was defending your honor and I never back down from a fight!”
  Inara: “Yes you do! You do all the time!”
  Mal: “Well, yeah, but... I'm not backing down from this one!”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Mal: “Does, um... does this seem kinda tight?”
  Kaylee: “It shows off your backside.”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Zoe: "Well, at least they covered dropping your weapon so you can eat beans and get yourself shot."
  Tracey: "Yeah, I got a badge in that."
  Firefly // The Message

• The villager singing The Ballad of Jayne.
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Jayne: (singing) “Our love for me now ain't hard to explain, the Hero of Canton, the man they call... meeeeeee!”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Zoe: “Next time we smuggle stock, let's make it something smaller.”
  Wash: “Yeah, we should start dealing in those black-market beagles.”
  Firefly // Safe

• Mal: “The is the last time. Last time with cows. I think there was an idea regarding beagles? They have smallish droppings?”
  Zoe: “I believe so, Sir.”
  Firefly // Safe

• Mal: “Man goes up against that kind of will, the only way to deal with it, I suspect, is to become it.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Mal: "Inara, think you can stoop to being on my arm?"
  Inara: "Will you wash it first?"
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Jayne: “He's the boss now? This day keeps gettin' better and better!”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Mal: “Appears we got here just in the nick of time! What does that make us?”
  Zoe: “Big damn heroes, Sir!”
  Mal: “Ain't we just!”
  Firefly // Safe

• Mal: "Oh, well, that ain't hardly a mosquito bite."
  Kaylee: "Big mosquito..."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Jayne: “Tell you what I think. I figger that fella we run into, did everyone on board. Killed 'em all. Then he decided to take a swim, see how fast his blood'd boil out his ears.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Saffron: “But not half so hard as I cried the night they gave me to you.”
  Mal: “Why? You... is there blubber?”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Simon: "So, you're a bounty hunter."
  Jubal: "That ain't it at all."
  Simon: "Then what are you?"
  Jubal: "I'm a bounty hunter."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Kaylee: "Look, they got boywhores! Isn't that thoughtful? I wonder if they service girl folk at all."
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Simon: “They opened up her skull and they cut into her brain.”
  Firefly // Ariel

• River: "They say the snow on the roof was too heavy. They say the ceiling will cave in. His brains are in terrible danger."
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Wash: "How did your brain even learn human speech?"
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• River: “You gave up everything you had to find me. You found me broken.”
  Firefly // Safe

• Wash: "Can I mop your brow? I am at the ready with the fearsome brow mopping."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Man at bar: “You know, your coat is... kind of a brownish color.”
  Mal: “It was on sale.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Zoe: "Look, I'll ask him."
  Wash: "Don't forget to call him 'sir'. He likes that."
  Mal: "Who likes what?"
  Zoe: "It's nothing, Sir."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Jayne: "You want to go, little man?"
  Wash: "Only if it's someplace with candlelight."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Mal: “You tell me right now little Kaylee, you really think you can do this?”
  Kaylee: “Sure.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Young River: “We got outflanked by the independent's squad, and we're never gonna make it back to our platoon! We need to resort to cannibalism.”
  Young Simon: “That was fast!”
  Firefly // Safe

• Mal: “Hey! It's a lot easier to pull things apart than to put 'em right. You're still the best mechanic floatin'!”
  Wash: “Captain, don't you know kissin' girls makes you sleepy?”
  Mal: “Well, sometimes I just can't help myself!”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Kaylee: “Besides, if I mess up, it's not like you'll be able to yell at me.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Mal: “I'm Captain Malcolm Reynolds.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Simon: "This man appears to be in cardiac arrest."
  MAL: "What? Tracey, you having a heart attack? Don't look like he's having a heart attack."
  Firefly // The Message

• Tracey: "Well, that call...that call means you just murdered me."
  Mal: "No, son. You murdered yourself. I just carried the bullet awhile."
  Firefly // The Message

• Wash: “You sure this is where you wanna be?”
  Mal: “Oh, I'm fairly certain it ain't.”
  Firefly // Safe

• Jayne: “You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with 'til you understand who's in ruttin' command here!”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Mal: “Charity'd be puttin' a bullet in his brain pan.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Mal: “Is it Christmas?”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Arrogant Doctor: “You must be new. Don't get comfortable, your type doesn't last long here. When your supervisor hears about the rude and disres...”
  Zoe: “Clear.”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Saffron: “But, you know I'm to cleave to you?”
  Mal: “To what by who?”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Mal: "Patients were cynical and not responding and we couldn't bring 'em back."
  Simon: "They were cyanotic-"
  Mal: They were cyanotic and not responsive-responsive-"
  Simon: "And you were unable to..."
  Mal/Zoe: "Resuscitate!"
  Simon: "Good, which methods did you use?"
  Zoe: "We tried pulmonary stimulators and cardiac infusors!” Simon: “What about cortical electrodes?”
  Jayne: “Oh! Uh…we forgot ‘em!”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Mal: “Pupils were fixed and dilapidated…”
  Simon: “Dilated!”
  Mal: "Dilated! (something I don't understand sounding like shiny ammo)
  Firefly // Ariel

• Mal: "We got there and the patients were cyanotic-"
  Simon: "Not responding."
  Mal: "Not resposive. And we tried to resuscitate them and-"
  Simon: "And despite our best efforts, uh, uh, they kicked."
  Mal: "Despite our best efforts, uh...they..."
  Simon: "Which methods did you use?"
  Zoe: "We tried pulmonary stimulators and cardiac infusors!” Simon: “What about cortical electrodes?”
  Jayne: "We applied the cordical electrodes. We used those electro magnetic..." Screw it, this is too hard to figure out, RACHEL HELP ME!
  Firefly // Ariel

• Jayne: “Can I come in?”
  Firefly // Ariel

• River: "She understands. She doesn't comprehend."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Inara: “She's had training, as in... 'companion', as in... 'Academy'.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Wash: “Here lies my beloved Zoe, my autumn flower...somewhat less attractive now that she's all corpse-ified and gross!”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Mal: "You wanna explain why you got yourself all corpsified and mailed to me?"
  Firefly // The Message

• Mal: “No one's gonna mind if we take a look around, see if there's not something of value they might have left behind.”
  Jayne: “Yeah! No, uh, someone could be hurt!”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• River: “They weren't cows inside. They were waiting to be but they forgot. Now they see sky and they remember what they are.”
  Mal: “Is it bad that what she said made perfect sense to me?”
  Firefly // Safe

• Wash: “Every man there go back inside, or we will blow a new crater in this little moon.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Wash: “Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?”
  Firefly // Train Job

• River: “The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds, given adequate vacuuming systems.”
  Mal: “See, morbid and creep-ifying I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like.”
  Firefly // Safe

• Mal: “We got us some crime to be done!”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Simon: “What are we doing?”
  Kaylee: “Oh, crime!”
  Simon: “Crime! Good.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Simon: “River, you have to eat! It's good, it tastes like...it's good!”
  Jayne: “It smells like crotch.”
  Kaylee: “Jayne!”
  Jayne: “Well, it does.”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Mal: "Cry baby, cry."
  Wash: "Make your mother sigh."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Mal: "That's enough!"
  Tracey: "He was cuttin' on me, Sarge!"
  Mal: "I know it! I told him to!"
  Tracey: "You told him to?! What for?!"
  Mal: "'Cause you were dead!"
  Tracey: "Hunh? Oh. Right. Suppose I was."
  Firefly // The Message

• Mal: “Patients were cynical, and not responding, and we couldn't bring 'em back.”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Mal: “If I didn't know better, I'd think we were dangerous!”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Wash: "Mal, your dead army buddy's on the bridge!"
  Zoe: "He ain't dead!"
  Wash: "Oh!"
  Firefly // The Message

• Mal: "Tracey, ain't you dead yet?"
  Tracey: "Through no fault of my own."
  Mal: "I really wanted your beans."
  Firefly // The Message

• Mal: “Yeah, look, here's what it is... deal's off.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Jayne: “Dear diary: Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy. Today we were kidnapped by hill-folk, never to be seen again. It was the best day ever.”
  Firefly // Safe

• Mal: “Ship like this, be with you 'til the day you die.”
  Zoe: “Because it's a death trap.”
  Firefly // Out of Gas

• Jayne: “Not as deceivin' as a low-down, dirty, ... deceiver.”
  Mal: “Well said.”
  Firefly // Out of Gas

• Mal: “You did it to me, Jayne, and that's a fact.”
  Firefly // Ariel

• River: “He's going to die.”
  Simon: “No one is going to die.”
  River: “He is!”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Jayne: "Now, let's move this conversation in a not-Jayne's-fault direction. I didn't make her crazy. Hell, I didn't even want her on the ship."
  Mal: "Is that the direction you want this conversation to go in?"
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Mal: “We sniff the air, we don't kiss the dirt.”
  Zoe: “Wasn't plannin' on the dirt-kissin', Sir.”
  Wash: “I wouldn't stand for it anyway, Captain, jealous man like me.”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Inara: “It wasn't entirely a disaster.”
  Mal: “I got stabbed! Right here...”
  Inara: “You also lined up exciting new crime!”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Alliance Comm: “Looks to me like an illegal salvage operation.”
  Mal: “It does? That's discouraging.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Mal: "This distress wouldn't happen to be taking place in someone's pants, would it?"
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Simon: “They're not taking her and you're not giving her to them!”
  Book: “Don't be a fool son. Do as the man says.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Jayne: “Hey, doctor! Glad you're back now, on the ship.”
  Firefly // Safe

• Mal: “Have you got time to do my hair?”
  Inara: “Out!”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Mal: “Can I come in?”
  Inara: “No.”
  Mal: “See? That's why I usually don't ask.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Book: “All the more reason for us to do the right thing.”
  Jayne: “How's about you just say a prayer when we slide on by?”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Jayne: “See, Vera? Dress yourself up, you get taken out somewhere fun!”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Jayne: “Nice work, dumb-ass.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Mal: “You got the right, same as anyone, to live and try to kill people! Well, you know, people that are... That's a dumb planet!”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Mal: “We go in, make contact... easy-peasy.”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Kaylee: “So, when we made love last night...”
  Simon: “When we WHAT?”
  Kaylee: “You really are such an easy mark!”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Zoe: “That's a bold move.”
  Mal: “I live on the edge.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Jayne: “We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neuro-reaction from either patient!”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Jayne: “I don't get it. Where are we headed?”
  Book: “The end of the line.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

Simon: (dripping sarcasm) “Enemies? You? No, how can it be?”
Firefly // Jaynestown

• Jayne: "So, like, never?"
  Book: "Well...no."
  Jayne: "Not ever never?"
  Book: "Some orders allow shepherds to marry, but I follow a narrower path."
  Jayne: "But, I mean, you still got the urge. They don't...cut it off, or nothing?"
  Book: "No, I'm...more or less intact. I just direct my energy elsewhere."
  Jayne: "You mean, like, masturbatin'?"
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Wash: “I think they captured him, though. You know, captured his essence.”
  Kaylee: “Looks sorta angry, don't he?”
  Wash: “That's kinda what I meant.”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Simon: “She feels everything. She can't not.”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Tracey: "Do you think I'm stupid?"
  Mal: "In every way possible."
  Firefly // The Message

• Jayne: "We was just about to spring into action, Captain. A complicated escape and rescue op."
  Wash: I was gonna watch. It was very exciting!
  Firefly //

• Kaylee: “Everywhere I go, his eyes keep following me.”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Inara: "I'm glad you were with her. Her last night. I am."
  Mal: "Yeah, well, I ain't. Hell, wish I'd never met her. Then I wouldn't have failed her."
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Mal: “Whatever happens, remember I love you.”
  Zoe: “Sir?”
  Mal: “Because you're my wife.”
  Zoe: “Right, sir... Honey.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Wash: “You know what happens if you fall asleep now?”
  Zoe: “Jayne slits my throat, and takes over.”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Jayne: “Six men came to kill me one time. The best of 'em carried this. It's a Callahan full-bore autolock, customized trigger, double cartridge, thourough-gage. This is my very favorite gun.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Zoe: “Is there some information we might maybe be lacking as to why there's an entire Fed squad sitting on this train?”
  Mal: “It doesn’t concern us.”
  Zoe: “It kinda concerns me!”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Mal: "One of those will feed a family for a month. Longer if they don't like their kids too well."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Jayne: “What do you two think you're doing? Fightin' at a time like this? You'll use up all the air!”
  Firefly // Out of Gas

• Alliance Comm: “You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war?”
  Zoe: “I fought with a lot of people in the war.”
  Alliance Comm: “And your husband?”
  Zoe: “I fight with him sometimes, too.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Mal: “It's the first time, darlin', I think you should be gentle with me!”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Book: “What are we up to, sweetheart?”
  River: “Fixing your Bible.”
  Book: “I um... what?”
  River: “Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logistics. It doesn't make sense.”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Simon: “What about cortical electrodes?”
  Jayne: “Oh! ... We forgot 'em.”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Simon: “I always thought the name 'Serenity' had a vaguely ... funereal sound to it.”
  Firefly // Out of Gas

• Nathan Fillion: "Hoooow much is that geisha in the window? I do hope that geisha's for sale!"
  Firefly Gagreel

• Simon: "He's really very gentle and fuzzy. We're becoming fast friends."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Man at bar: “I said, you're a coward and a piss-pot. Now, what're you gonna do about it?”
  Mal: “Nothing. I just wanted you to face me so she could get behind you.” ::punch::
  Firefly // Train Job

• Jayne: "Ah, see. They don't know a damn thing. It's all over your face, I ain't even... Was gonna get me a ear, too."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Jayne: “What we need's a diversion. I say Zoe gets naked!”
  Wash: “No.”
  Jayne: “I could get naked.”
  Everyone: “No!”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Atherton: “I'll see to it you never work again.”
  Inara: “Actually, that's not how it works. You see, you've earned yourself a black mark in the client registry. No Companion is going contract with you, ever again.”
  Warrick: “You'll have to rely on your winning personality to get women. God help you.”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Mal: “It sounds like the finest party I can imagine gettin' paid to go to.”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Jayne: "Oh, now, girl, that is just plain dirty."
  Mal: "Jayne, you are aware your radio is transmitting? 'Cause I don't feel particularly girlish or dirty at the moment."
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Wash: “What am I looking at, the girls or the clothes?”
  Jayne: “The girls!”
  Zoe: “The clothes, please!”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Mal: “Reavers might take issue with that philosophy. If they had a philosophy. And they weren't too busy gnawing on your insides.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Inara: “Mal, this isn't the ancient sea, you don't have to go down with your ship!”
  Firefly // Out of Gas

• Simon: “This must be what going mad feels like.”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Inara: “What's going on here?”
  Kaylee: “Oh, let's see, we killed Simon and River, stole a bunch of med'cin, and now the Captain and Zoe are off springing the others got snatched by the Feds. Oh, here they are now!”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Mal: “Oh, I'm gonna go to the special hell.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Mal: “Woah. Good Bible.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Saffron: “That when she was born, she had no sky. And with open inviting, and the stars would rush into her, through the skin of her, making the oceans boil with sensation. And when she could endure no more ecstasy, she puffed up her cheeks and blew out the sky.”
  Wash: “Woah, good myth.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Book: “Shall I remind you of the story of the good Samaritan?”
  Mal: “I'd rather you didn't.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Kaylee: “Have good sex!”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Mal: "That's what governments are for, get in a man's way."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Mal: “You're a very graceful woman, Inara.”
  Inara: “I... thank you.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Mal: “Wash? We got some local color happening. A grand entrance would not go amiss.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Wash: "Oh, my god, it's grotesque! Oh, and there's something in a jar."
  Firefly // The Message

• Mal: “How was your thing?”
  Inara: “As advertised, lots of needles and cold exam tables. I heard you had some excitement?”
  Mal: “Oh, nothin' much, lots of running around, some gunplay, couple needles.”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Nandi: "If they've got guns and brains at all."
  Inara: "They've got guns."
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Wash: "I'm a leg man from way back. Patricia Gasanti when I was 13 years old. First year I had hair down there, if you know what I'm talking about."
  Firefly Gag Reel

• Zoe: “River, honey? He's putting the hair away now.”
  River: “Doesn't matter, it'll still be there... waiting!”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Wash: "I wasn't into hairy women when I met Zoe, but she brought me around to a lot of things."
  Firefly Gagreel

• Kaylee: “Hampsters is nice!”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Simon: “I reattached a girl's leg. Her whole leg! She named her hampster after me. I got a hampster. He drops a box of money, he gets a town.”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Inara: "It sounds like something this crew can handle. I can't guarantee they'll handle it particularly well, but..."
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Mal: "You know, not alltogether wise, sneaking up on a fella when he's handling his weapon."
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Zoe: “Knew a man who had a hole clean through his shoulder once. Used to keep a spare hanky in there.”
  Firefly // Safe

• Mal: “I had some mulled wine, pretty girl gave me a hat made out of a tree. Nobody said I was signing up to have and to hold.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Kaylee: “We tried to get him into the infirmary, he's just heavy!”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Inara: “I like watching the game. Like a lot of situations, the key seems to be giving Jayne a heavy stick and standing back.”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Mal: “But when a man engages in clandestine dealings, he has his preference for things being smooth. She makes things not be smooth.”
  Simon: “Right. I'm very sorry if she tipped off anyone about your cunningly concealed herd of cows.”
  Firefly // Safe

• Zoe: "First rule of battle, little one. Don't ever let them know where you are."
  Mal: "Woooo! I'm right here, right here! You want some of me? Come on!"
  Firefly // The Message

• Mal: “You know, they tell ya to never hit a man with a closed fist, but it is, on occasion, hilarious.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Mal: “What're you doing here, and what's with the suit?”
  Simon: “You're hilarious. Sadist!”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Mal: “Honey, I'm home!”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Wash: "Hoo hoo!"
  Firefly Gag Reel

• Mal: “How drunk was I last night?”
  Jayne: “I don't know, I passed out.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Mal: "How's business?"
  Inara: "None of yours."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Womack: "That hat makes you look like an idiot."
  Firefly // The Message

• Jubal: "Your sister's becoming a real annoyance."
  Simon: "I feel for you."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Inara: “Are you in pain?”
  Mal: “Absolutely! I got stabbed, you know. Right here...”
  Inara: “I saw.”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Jayne: "Are you saying she's a witch?"
  Wash: "Yes, Jayne, she's a witch. She has had congress with the beast."
  Jayne: "She's in congress?"
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Wash: "[as T-Rex] "I think we should call it 'your grave!'"
  [Stegosaurus] "Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"
  [T-Rex] "Ha ha HA!"
  Firefly // Serenity

• Mal: "How come you didn't turn on me, Jayne?"
  Jayne: "Money wasn't good enough."
  Mal: "What happens when it is?"
  Jayne: "Well, that'll be an interesting day."
  Mal: "Imagine it will."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Jayne: "I get a discount on account of my intimidating manner."
  Firefly // The Message

• Jayne: "Mal, looks like we got some imminent violence."
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Book: “'Fraid I might be needin' a preacher.”
  Mal: “That's good, you lie there and be ironical. Stretcher!”
  Firefly // Safe

• Inara: “I rent the shuttle from Captain Reynolds, which allows me to expand my client base. And the Captain finds that having a Companion on board opens certain doors that might otherwise be closed to him.”
  Alliance Comm: “And you love him?”
  Zoe: “I don't see how that's relevant.”
  Alliance Comm: “Well, he is your husband.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Jayne: “I think I really made a difference in their lives. Me, Jayne Cobb!”
  Mal: “I know your name, jackass!”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Dobson: "Okay. I can see you're not an idiot."
  Jayne: "Wish I could say the same, Laurence, but this is disappointing as hell."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Kaylee: “You doped him!”
  Simon: “It was supposed to kick in a good deal sooner, I ... I just didn't feel comfortable with him in charge, I hope that's all right?”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Jayne: "How's it sit? Pretty cunning, don't you think?"
  Firefly // The Message

• Jayne: "Let's moon 'em."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Jayne: “I ain't goin' over there with them bodies, no ruttin' way! Not if Reavers messed with 'em!”
  Zoe: “Jayne, you'll scare the women.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Jayne: "Woo hoo!"
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Jayne: "Woo hoo hoo!"
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Sheriff: “Blew the back of his head right off.”
  Mal: “So, ... would his job be open?”
  Firefly // Train Job

• River: "Early. Mr Jubal Early, bounty hunter. May I call you Jubal?"
  Jubal: "Ain't nobody calls me that."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Jubal: "Well. Here I am."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Wash: “About a year before we met, I spent 6 weeks on a moon where the principal form of recreation was juggling geese. My hand to God! Baby geese, goslings! They were juggled!”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Warrick: “You didn't have to wound that man.”
  Mal: “Yeah, I know, it was just funny.”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Wash: "Yes, Mal, it would boost the signal. But even if some passerby did happen to receive it, all it would do is knock OUT the kafuckah!"
  Firefly gagreel

• Kaylee: "I like to meet new people. They've all got stories..."
  Jayne: "Captain, can you stop her from bein' cheerful, please?"
  Mal: "I don't believe there is a power in the 'verse that can stop Kaylee from being cheerful. Sometimes you just wanna duct tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Kaylee: "That's my girl. That's my good girl."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Mal: “You know, I hear tell they used to keelhaul traitors back in the day. I don't have a keel to haul you on, so...”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Mal: “I'm sorry, are you touchy because I got myself a bride, or because I don't plan to keep her?”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Mal: “And, despite our best efforts, ah, they... they kicked.”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Wash: “Somebody not... madly in love with a beautiful woman, who can kill me with her pinky.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Mal: “Come on, Inara, how's about we don't play. You didn't just trip, did you?”
  Inara: “No.”
  Mal: “Well, isn't that somethin'. I knew you let her kiss you!”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Zoe: “So you two were kissin'?”
  Book: “Well, isn't that... special.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Mal: “There's no bliss, I don't know this girl!”
  Jayne: “Then, can I know her?”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Mal: “I know what did this.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Nandi: "So, my child, how long has it been since your last confession?"
  Mal: "Longer than I'd care to say."
  Nandi: "You gonna remember where everything goes?"
  Mal: "Let's just say I plan to take it real slow."
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Jayne: “It's impressive what 'nothing' can do to a man. Like that feller we bumped into. He's likely stuck up under our belly about now. That's what space trash does, you know, kinda latches on the first big somethin' that stops long enough. Hey now, that'd be a bit like you and your sister, wouldn't it?”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Inara: "So. Would you like to lecture me the wickedness of my ways?"
  Book: "I brought you some supper, but if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped. Sin and hellfire...one has lepers."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Jayne: "My dear boy, I hope you are well and that you get this soon in your trav...els. Travels. Thank you for the credits you forwarded, they have helped as Matty is still sick with the Damplung. I made you the enclo...ooh, enclosed! Enclosed to keep you warm in your travels. Hope to hear from you soon. Love, your mother."
  Firefly // The Message

• Mal: "Go on, get in there. Give your brother a thrashing for messing up your plan."
  River: "He takes up so much looking after."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Wash: "This is the part where the lord split her."
  Firefly Gagreel

• Kaylee: "I love my captain."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Simon: "What happens if they board us?"
  Zoe: "If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh and sew our skins into their clothing and if we're very very lucky, they'll do it in that order."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Simon: "Let's get you lying down."
  Jayne: "Now that's a plan."
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Jayne: “Ya see, I married me a powerful ugly creature.”
  Mal: “How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?”
  Jayne: “If I could make you prettier, I would!”
  Mal: “You are not the man I met a year ago.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Zoe: “Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Kaylee: “Don't feel bad, he makes everybody cry. He's a monster.”
  Mal: “I'm not a monster!”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Mal: "Nice hat."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Sheriff: “We had some, ah, unrelated trouble, his story had kind of an odor to it...”
  Inara: “Yes, it's not the only thing about him that does.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Mal: “It... it's been a while, a long damn while, since anybody but me took a-hold of my plow, so don't think for a second that I ain't interested.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Mal: “Hell, this job I would pull for free!”
  Zoe: “Well, can I have your share?”
  Mal: “No!”
  Zoe: “If you die, can I have your share?”
  Mal: “Yes.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Inara: “I guess we've lied enough.”
  Saffron: “You're good.”
  Inara: “You're amazing. Who are you?”
  Saffron: “Malcolm Reynolds' widow.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Mal: “Who are you?”
  Saffron: “Mister Reynolds, sir, I'm your wife.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Wash: “I'll read a nice poem at the funeral, something with imagery.”
  Zoe: “You could lock the door and keep the power-hungry maniac at bay!”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Kaylee: "Wash, tell me I'm pretty."
  Wash: "Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion."
  Kaylee: "Because I'm pretty?"
  Wash: "Because you're pretty."
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Inara: “What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?”
  Mal: “That it was manly and impulsive?”
  Inara: “Yes, precisely, only the exact phrase I used was don't.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Simon: "You're out of your mind."
  Jubal: "That's between me and my mind."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Simon: “Excuse me, can I, uh, can I see a menu?”
  Bartender: “A what?”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Mal: “Well, my days of not takin' you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Simon: “We wouldn't be standing here if it weren't for him! Thank you.”
  Jayne: “Well, hey, you're part of my crew.”
  Mal: “I think I might cry.”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Wash: "Mine is an evil laugh! Now die!"
  Firefly // Serenity

• Zoe: “Planet's coming up a mite fast.”
  Wash: “That's just 'cause... I'm goin' down too quick! Likely crash and kill us all.”
  Mal: “Well, that happens, let me know.”
  Wash: “Ok.”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Mal: “Well why the big act? What was she after?”
  Book: “Besides molesting innocent captains?”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Zoe: “You paid money for this, sir? On purpose?”
  Firefly // Out of Gas

• Mal: "Jayne, your mouth is talking. You might want to look to that."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Simon: “Why did you come back for us?”
  Mal: “You're on my crew.”
  Simon: “Yeah, but you don't even like me. Why'd you come back?”
  Mal: “You're on my crew. Why are we still talkin' about this?”
  Firefly // Safe

• Mal: "Well, lady, I must say. You're my kind of stupid."
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Mal: “But she was naked, and all... articulate!”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Tracey: "And you ain't left a trail of bodies, work you do, hmm? 'Cause your rep speaks elsewise."
  Mal: "Weren't bodies of people helping me out."
  Tracey: "And you're helping out lots. 'Cause I needed a chest wound."
  Firefly // The Message

• Simon: “What happened in here?”
  Jayne: “Needed to find some tape.”
  Simon: “So you had to tear my infirmary apart?”
  Jayne: “Apparently.”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Mal: “I was poisoned!”
  Inara: “You were drugged.”
  Jayne: “That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Simon: "Come on out, River. The nice man wants to kidnap you."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Mal: “This is my boat. They're part of my crew. No one's gettin' left. Best you get used to that.”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Mal: "We're deep in space, corner of no and where."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Mal: “Nobody escaped.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Sheriff: “A man can get a job, he might not look to close at what that job is. But a man learns all the details of a situation like ours, well, then he has a choice.”
  Mal: “I don't believe he does.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Book: “You don't fix faith, River, it fixes you.”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Wash: “Did you know that Jayne is a bona-fide folk hero? Got a song and everything!”
  Zoe: “You've been drinking, husband!”
  Mal: “That he has, don't make it any less the case.”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Mal: “No one's gonna hurt ya.”
  Surviving Man: “No, no mercy! No!”
  Mal: “...any more than we already did.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Dobson: "You think this is just a smuggling rap? The package that boy is carrying-"
  Jayne: "It's a girl. She's cute, too, but I don't think she's all there, y'know? 'Course, not all of her has to be."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Simon: “I swear, when it's appropriate.”
  Kaylee: “Simon, the whole point of swearing is that it ain't appropriate!”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Simon: “They've done this before?”
  Kaylee: “Hell no! But I think it's gonna work.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Mal: "This is not my best day ever."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Jayne: “You save his life, he still takes the cargo.”
  Mal: “He had to. Couldn't let us profit. Wouldn't be civilized.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Mal: “I've given some thought to moving off the edge. Not an ideal location. Maybe a place in the middle.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Mal: "See how I'm not punching him? I think I've grown."
  Firefly // Shindig

• Book: “It's not about making sense. It's about believing in something.”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Mal: “Now this is all the money Niska gave us in advance. You bring it back to him, tell him the job didn't work out. We're not theives. Well, we are theives. The point is, we're not taking what's his.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Mal: “We're not going.”
  Wash: “Not... what? Not why?”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Simon: “So finally a decent wound on this ship and I miss out! I'm sorry.”
  Mal: “Well, you were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens.”
  Firefly // Safe

• Saffron: “But we've been wed, aren't we to become one flesh?”
  Mal: “Well, no, ah, we're still two fleshes here, and I think that your flesh should sleep somewhere else.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Inara: "I suppose you heard most of that."
  Mal: "Only because I was eavesdropping."
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Book: "Is this what life is, out here?"
  Inara: "Sometimes."
  Book: "I've been out of the abbey two days, I've beaten a lawman senseless, I've fallen in with criminals. I watched the captain shoot the man I swore to protect. And I'm not even sure if I think he was wrong."
  Inara: "Shepherd..."
  Book: "I believe I just...I think I'm on the wrong ship."
  Inara: "Maybe. Or maybe you're exactly where you ought to be."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Book: “After the Earth was used up, we found a new solar system and hundreds of new 'Earths' were terraformed and colonized. The central planets formed 'The Alliance' and decided all the planets had to join under their rule. There was some disagreement on that point. After the war, many of the Independents who had fought and lost, drifted to the edges of the system, far from Alliance control. Out here, people struggled to get by with the most basic technologies. A ship could bring you work. A gun could help you keep it. A Captain's goal was simple; find a crew, find a job. Keep flying.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Mal: “Here's how it is. Earth got used up, so we terraformed a whole new galaxy of earths. Some rich and flush with the new technologies, some, not so much. The central planets, them as formed the Alliance, waged war to bring everyone under their rule. A few idiots tried to fight it, among them, myself. I'm Malcolm Reynolds, captain of Serenity. We got a good crew, fighters, pilot, mechanic. We even picked up a preacher, and a bona fide Companion. There's a doctor, too. Took his genius sister out of some Alliance camp, so they're keeping a low profile. You got a job, we can do it. Don't much care what it is.”
  Firefly // Out of Gas

• Zoe: “You sanguine about the kind of reception we're apt to receive on an Alliance ship, Captain?”
  Mal: “Absolutely. What's sanguine mean?”
  Zoe: “Sanguine - hopeful. Plus, point of interest, it also means bloody.”
  Mal: “Well, that pretty mcuh covers all the options, don't it?”
  Firefly // Safe

• Jayne: "What'd ya'll order a dead guy for?"
  Firefly // The Message

• Jubal: "You ever been shot?"
  Simon: "No."
  Jubal: "You ought to be shot. Or stabbed. Lose a leg. To be a surgeon, you know. Know what kind of pain you're dealing with. They make psychiatrists get psychoanalyzed before they can get certified, but they don't make a surgeon get cut on. Does that seem right to you?"
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Wash: “I like our party better. The dress code's easier and I know all the steps.”
  Zoe: (laughing) “I'd say you do, at that!”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Mal: “Cut her down!”
  Townsman: “The girl is a witch!”
  Mal: “Yeah, but she's our witch (pumps shotgun) so cut her the hell down!”
  Firefly // Safe

• Wash: “Don't I usually stay with the ship?”
  Zoe: “I out-rank you.”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Mal: "So...I've given Jayne here the job of finding out.
  Jayne: "He was non-specific as to how."
  Mal: "Now you only gotta scare him."
  Jayne: "Pain is scary."
  Mal: "Just do it right."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Simon: "I'm just gonna pass out for a minute, but you're doing great."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Nandi: "Are you okay with this?"
  Mal: "I'm just waiting to see if I pass out. Long story."
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Wash: "Do not fear me! Ours is a peaceful race, and we must live in harmony."
  Firefly // The Message

• Mal: “I ain't saying there's any peace to be had, but on the off chance there is, those folks deserve a little of it.”
  Inara: “Just when I think I've got you figured out.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Contact: “Gave him a peck of trouble for it.”
  Mal: “What kind of peck was that?”
  Contact: “The kind where they hacked off his hands and feet with a machete, rolled him into the bog.”
  Mal: “They peck pretty hard around here!”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• River: "Permission to come aboard?"
  Mal: "You know, you ain't quite right."
  River: "That's a popular theory."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Inara: “I don't suppose you'd find it up to the standards of your outings. More conversation and somewhat less petty theft and getting hit with pool cues.”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Mal: "Feel like taking a walk around the park?"
  Jayne: "Sure you don't just wanna piss yourself and back down like you did with Badger?"
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Wash: "There's no place on that woman I wouldn't put my tongue."
  Firefly Gagreel

• Zoe: “The Captain'll come up with a plan.”
  Kaylee: “That's good. Right?”
  Zoe: “Possibly you're not recalling some of his previous plans.”
  Firefly // Safe

• Inara: “You don't play a player. It was sloppy of her to try it, but I think she was in a rush.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Mal: “You're pleasing. You're, uh, hell, you're all kinds of pleasing.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Jayne: "My John Thomas is about to pop off and fly about the room, there's so much tasty in here."
  Wash: "Would be you'd get your most poetical about your pecker."
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Christian Kane: "I went over and politely knocked on the door, and then politely beat the shit out of him."
  

• Mal: "If anyone gets nosy, just, you know...shoot 'em."
  Zoe: "Shoot 'em?"
  Mal: "Politely."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Jubal: "Where'd she go?"
  Simon: "I can't keep track of her when she's not incorporeally possessing a spaceship, don't look at me."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• River: “Just keep walkin', preacher-man.”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Jayne: “One day, you're gonna tell us all how a preacher knows so damn much about crime!”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Badger: “I had a problem with your attitude, is why. I thought you was... what's the word...”
  Jayne: “Pretentious?”
  Badger: “Exactly!”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Mal: “Now, you can luxuriate in a nice jail cell... but if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Kaylee: “You know, you're pretty funny!”
  Simon: “And you're pretty... pretty.”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• River: "My food is problematic."
  Firefly // The Message

• Mal: “So, she's added cussing and the hurling about of things to her repertoire. She really is a prodigy.”
  Firefly // Safe

• Kaylee: “What's so damn important about bein' proper? It don't mean nothin' out here in the black.”
  Simon: “It means more out here.”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Zoe: “Proximity alert. We must be coming up on something.”
  Wash: “Oh my God! What could it be? We're all doomed! Who's flying this thing? (pause) Oh, right, that would be me. Back to work.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Zoe: “He's a psycho, you know. Niska.”
  Mal: “He's not the first psycho to hire us, or the last. You think that's a commentary on us?”
  Zoe: “I just have an image in my head of a guy hanging from the ceiling.”
  Mal: “I got an image of it not being me! Let's do the thing.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Simon: "What do you pay him for?"
  Mal: "What?"
  Simon: "I was just wondering what his job is. On the ship."
  Mal: "Public relations."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Kaylee: “Up until the punching, it was a real nice party.”
  Firefly // Shindig

• River: “I tore these out of your symbol, and they turned into paper, but I want to put them back, so...”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Jayne: “All I got was that dumb-ass stick sounds like it's rainin', how come you got a wife?”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Wash: "I remember when I first met Zoe. I had a rash..."
  Firefly gagreel

• Simon: “Ah, yes, he's a real beast. It's a wonder you're still alive.”
  Jayne: “He looked bigger when I couldn't see him.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Mal: “It's a real burn, being right so often.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Mal: “This ship was hit by Reavers.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• River: “He looks better in red.”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Jayne: “Unable to get a neuro...”
  Simon: “Response!”
  Jayne: “Response! Hell, I don't know, if I'd wanted schooling I'd've gone to school!”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Saffron: “You're quite a man, Malcolm Reynolds. I've been waiting a long time for someone good enough to take me down.”
  Mal: “Saffron, you even think about playing me again, I will riddle you with holes!”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Mal: “Stack everything right here, in plain sight. Wouldn't want it to seem like we've got anything to hide. Might give them Alliance boys the wrong impression.”
  Wash: “Or the right one!”
  Mal: “That too.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• River: "I didn't think you'd come for me."
  Simon: "Well, you're a dummy."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Simon: "Are you Alliance?"
  Jubal: "Am I a lion?"
  Simon: "what?"
  Jubal: "I don't think of myself as a lion. Might as well, though, I have a mighty roar."
  Simon: "I said Alliance."
  Jubal: "Oh. I thought...that's weird."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Jayne: "Saw that coming."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Jayne: “Unable to get a neuro...”
  Simon: “Response!”
  Jayne: “Response! Hell, I don't know, if I'd wanted schooling I'd've gone to school!”
  Firefly // Ariel
  

• Wash: "Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction."
  Zoe: "We live in a spaceship, dear."
  Wash: "So?"
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Inara: “She tried to seduce me, too.”
  Mal: “Really?”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Jayne: “A trade!?! Hell, it's theft! This is the best damn gun made by man! It has extreme sentimental value.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Jayne: "Can I start getting sexed already?"
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Wash: “OK! Everybody not talking about sex, in here, everybody else, elsewhere!”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Mal: "He calls back, you keep him occupied."
  Wash: "What do I do, shadow puppets?"
  Firefly // The Message

• Alliance Comm: “Well, I'm not about to have any surprises on a routine check. We run into these two, we shoot first. Brass can sort it out later.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Mal: "Did you send word to Patience?"
  Wash: "Ain't heard back yet. Didn't she shoot you one time?"
  Mal: "Everybody's makin' a fuss."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Jayne: “Far as I see it, you people been given the shortest end of a stick ever been offered a human soul in this crap hill 'verse. But you took that end! And ya, well, ya took it! And that's, well, I guess that's somethin'!”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Mal: “See these six points where it's brightest? Those are the breakers. Hit one of those, should short it out.”
  Jayne: “What do you mean, 'should'?”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Zoe: "So we do like Badger said? The border planets?"
  Mal: "I'm thinkin' Whitefall, maybe talk to Patience."
  Zoe: "Sir, we don't want to deal with Patience again."
  Mal: "Why?"
  Zoe: "She shot you."
  Mal: "Well, yeah, she did a bit...still."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Jayne: “Yeah, 'cause sick people are hi-larious!”
  Firefly // Out of Gas

• Zoe: “Nobody's saying that, sir.”
  Wash: “Yeah, we're pretty much just giving each other significant glances and laughing incessantly.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Simon: "Well, my sister's a ship. We had a complicated childhood."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Zoe: “And you don't think that changes the situation a bit?”
  Mal: “I surely do! It makes it more fun!”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Zoe: “If I'm gonna wear a dress, I'd want something with some 'slink'.”
  Wash: “You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress! Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?”
  Jayne: “I'll chip in!”
  Zoe: “I can hurt you.”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Mal: “You see anyone, smile.”
  Zoe: “I don't think anybody smiles in hospitals.”
  Mal: “Of course they do, it's the Core, everyone's rich and happy here!”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Wash: "I guess the news that we're all gonna be purple and bloated and fetal in a few hours has made me a little snippy."
  Firefly // Out of Gas

• Wash: “We are so hung!”
  Mal: “I'm glad you two are having a good time under there, can we progress to the making it right?”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Inara: “Oh, you stupid son-of-a...” (thud)
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Jubal: "Well, I'll be a son of a whore."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Wash: "Little River just gets more colorful by the moment. What'll she do next?"
  Zoe: "Either blow us all up or rub soup in our hair. It's a toss up."
  Wash: "I hope she does the soup thing. It's always a hoot, and we don't all die from it."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Kaylee: "Don't let the spacebugs bite."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Mal: “See, this is another sign of your tragic space dementia, all paranoid and crotchety. Breaks the heart.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Mal: “Kaylee, what the hell's going on in the engine room? Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Zoe: "Don't think it's a good spot, sir. She still has the advantage over us."
  Mal: "Everyone always does. That's what makes us special."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Book: “If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters, and people who talk at the theater.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Jayne: "Spry for a dead fella."
  Firefly // The Message

• Mal: “The next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face.”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Saffron: “Show me the stars.”
  Wash: (muttering in Chinese, then...) “I wish I was somebody else right now!”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Mal: “You wanna tell me how come there's a statue of you here, lookin' at me like I owe him somethin'?”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Mal: "Had a good day."
  Simon: "You had the Alliance on you, criminals and savages... half the people on the ship have been shot or wounded including yourself, and you're harboring known fugitives."
  Mal: "We're still flying."
  Simon: "That's not much."
  Mal: "It's enough."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Jayne: "St. Jayne, it's got a ring to it!"
  Book: "I'm just trying to remember how many miracles you've performed."
  Jayne: "I once hit a guy in the neck from 500 yards with a bent scope, don't that count upstairs?"
  Shepherd: "Oh, it'll be taken into consideration."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Zoe: "Now we have a boatful of citizens right on top of our... stolen cargo. That's a fun mix."
  Mal: "Ain't no way in the 'verse they could find that compartment, even...even if they were lookin' for it."
  Zoe: "Why not?"
  Mal: "'Cause?"
  Zoe: "Oh yeah, this is gonna go great."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• River: "You are such a boob."
  Firefly // The Message

• Simon: “Still, I'm not sure it's such a wise suggestion.”
  Mal: “Might not want to mistake it for a suggestion.”
  Firefly // Safe

• Mal: “This is why we lost, you know. Superior numbers.”
  Zoe: “Thanks for the re-enactment, sir.”
  Firefly // Train Job

• Mal: "If I want a lot of medical jargon, I'll talk to a doctor."
  Simon: "You are talking to a doctor."
  Mal: "Yeah. Okay."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Kaylee: “You just wanna take a bite out of him all over, you know?”
  Firefly // Safe

• Jayne: “You gonna talk me to death, buddy? Is that the plan?”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Jayne: “Nothin' buys bygones quicker than cash! Maybe I'll give him a tattoo while he's out.”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Zoe: "Sir? I'd like you to take the helm, please. I need this man to tear all my clothes off."
  Wash: "Work, work, work..."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Jayne: "We gotta share this job. Ten percent of nothing is...let me do the math here...nothing into nothing, carry the-"
  Zoe: "So we'll find a buyer on Boros."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Badger: "Course you couldn't buy an invite with a diamond the size of a testicle, but I got my hands on a couple. Of invites!"
  Firefly // Shindig

• Book: “Is that it?”
  Zoe: “Hell, yes, preacher! If I didn't have stuff to get done I'd be in there with her!”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Mal: “You called the Feds.”
  Jayne: “What?!? I got pinched!”
  Mal: “Which is what happens when you call the Feds.”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Jubal: "You made the right move, darling. Best for you to go on with ol' Early."
  Mal: "You think so? Some of us feel differently."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Jayne: "Don't much see the benefit in getting involved in stranger's troubles without an upfront price negotiation."
  Book: "These people need assistance. The benefit wouldn't necessarily be for you."
  Jayne: "That's what I'm saying."
  Zoe: "No one's gonna force you to go, Jayne. As has been stated, this job is strictly speculative."
  Jayne: "Good. Don't know these folks, don't much care to."
  Mal: "They're whores."
  Jayne: "I'm in."
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Tracey: "Um, sarge?"
  Mal: "Yeah?"
  Tracey: "I think I'm nekkid."
  Firefly // The Message

• Wash: "We will rule over all this land, and we will call it...This Land!"
  Firefly // Serenity

• Jayne: “This place gives me an uncomfortableness.”
  Firefly // Safe

• Simon: “No, this must be what going mad feels like.”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Jayne: “Time for some thrilling heroics!”
  Firely // Train Job

• Mal: “We cheated Badger outta good money to buy that frippery, and you're s'posed to make me look respectable.”
  Kaylee: “Yes, Sir, Cap'n tight-pants!”
  Firefly // Shindig

• Inara: "The time went too quickly."
  Young Man: "Your clock's probably rigged to speed up and cheat us out of our fun."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Wash: “What do you expect me to do, Mal?”
  Mal: “Whatever you have to!”
  Firefly // Out of Gas

• Saffron: “I've been too forward.”
  Wash: “Noooo! Well, yes, but I actually like that in a woman.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Book: “River? Please, why don't you come on out?”
  River: “No! Can't. Too much hair.”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Mal: "We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis. You know why? Because we are so very pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die. Huh? Look at that chiseled jaw. Huh? C'mon."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Jayne: “See, that's my whole problem with picking up tourists. They ain't never what they claim to be!”
  Firefly // Safe

• Simon: “You're like a trained ape! Without the training!”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Jayne: "Testing. Testing, Captain, can you hear me?"
  Mal: "I'm standing right here."
  Jayne: "You're coming through good and loud."
  Mal: "'Cause I'm standing right here."
  Jayne: "Yeah, well...but the transmitter's..."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Mal: "Ya'll were watching, I take it?"
  All: "Yes."
  Mal: "Did you see us fight?"
  Kaylee: "No."
  Mal: "TRAP!"
  Serenity gagreel

• Kaylee: “Figures. First time in the Core and what do I get to do? Dig through trash. Why couldn't they send me shopping at the Tri-Plex? Oooh! Synchronizers!”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Nandi: "You didn't give me the whole truth, Mal."
  Mal: "About what?"
  Nandi: "About her feelings for you."
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Simon: “She hasn't gone anywhere near the cattle.”
  Mal: “No, but in case you hadn't noticed, her voice kinda carries. We're two miles above ground and they could probably hear her down there. Soon as we unload, she can holler 'til our ears bleed, although I would take it as a kindness if she didn't.”
  Firefly // Safe

• River: "I'm not on the ship. I'm in the ship. I am the ship."
  Simon: "River..."
  River: "River's gone."
  Jubal: "Then who exactly are we talking to?"
  River: "You're talking to Serenity. And Early? Serenity is very unhappy."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• River: ::giggling::
  Jubal: "Well, that's somewhat unsettling."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Wash: “You're a very 'up' person.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Mal: “She has a name!”
  Jayne: “So does this! I call it Vera.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Wash: “Big stop just to renew your license to companion. Can I use 'companion' as a verb?”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Mal: "There was a guy. He was very blurry. You gotta be careful. Oh. How come there's a guy on board, and how come you're all of a sudden the ship?"
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Wash: “Did it get very hot in here?”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Jayne: “You guys had a riot? On account of me? My very own riot?”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Jubal: "Don't go visiting my intentions."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Jayne: "Anybody remember her coming at me with a butcher's knife?"
  Wash: "Wacky fun."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Jayne: “What? What do you mean, back? I waited for you guys!”
  Firefly // Train Job

• River: “Time to go to sleep again.”
  Simon: “No, mei-mei, it's time to wake up.”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Inara: "Hi."
  Mal: ::screams::
  Inara: "Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you."
  Mal: "You didn't. I was just...AAGH! That's more like a warrior-like...strikes fear in the hearts of..."
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Wash: “Have you seen what she wears? Forget about it! Have you ever been with a warrior woman?”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Wash: “Not everybody gets me and Zoe at first glance.”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Wash: “Who's flying this thing? (pause) Oh, right, that would be me.”
  Firefly // Bushwhacked

• Wash: “We gotta go to the crappy town where I'm a hero!”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Simon: “If you don't let me through, she could die.”
  Jayne: “I let you through, we all die.”
  Firefly // Out Of Gas

• Kaylee: “Now, Cap'n? Things are goin' so well!”
  Mal: “I suppose. Jayne's certainly feelin' better about life, but...”
  Kaylee: “I said, things are going WELL.”
  Mal: “Oh, WELL!”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Wash: "Captain, we're humped!"
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Jayne: “What're you gonna tell the others?”
  Mal: “About what?”
  Jayne: “About what I did.”
  Mal: “I hadn't thought about it.”
  Jayne: “Make somethin' up. Don't tell 'em what I did.”
  Firefly // Ariel

• Jayne: "Well, I don't like the idea of someone hearing what I'm thinking."
  Inara: "No one likes the idea of hearing what you're thinking."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Mal: “Go back to the part where you're my wife?”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Tracey: "When you can't run, you crawl. And when you can't crawl, you...and when you can't do that..."
  Zoe: "You find someone to carry you."
  Firefly // The Message

• Book: “River, come back!”
  Zoe: “Preacher, what the hell did you say to...Woah!”
  Firefly // Jaynestown

• Inara: “Oh, one further addendum. That's the last time you get to call me whore.”
  Firefly // Out of Gas

• Jayne: "That's the whorehouse?"
  Inara: "Yes."
  Jayne: "How come it looks like a frozen dinner pack?"
  Kaylee: "Solar sheeting. Cheap power."
  Jayne: "Hope the whores are prettier than the house."
  Firefly // Heart of Gold

• Kaylee: "Oh, not like being a doctor. Helping fix people, that's important."
  Jayne: "Little Kaylee here just wishes you was a gynecologist."
  Firefly // Serenity (Pilot)

• Salesman: “I'll tell you what, you buy this ship, treat her proper, she'll be with you for the rest of your life.”
  Firefly // Out of Gas

• Mal: "That was bracing! They don't like it when you shoot at 'em, I worked that out myself."
  Firefly // The Message

• Inara: “So, explain to me again why Zoe wasn't in the dress?”
  Mal: “Tactics, woman! We needed her in the back!”
  Firefly // Our Mrs Reynolds

• Zoe: "This is really not my area of expertise, doctor. I tend to be putting these into people."
  Firefly // Objects in Space

• Mal: "Kaylee, find that kid who's taking a dirtnap with the baby Jesus. We need a hood ornament. Jayne! Try not to steal too much of their shit!"
  Serenity gagreel

• Mal: "I'll be in my bunk!"
  Serenity gagreel

• Wash: "Start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a 90-year old...man. With manboobs."
  Serenity gagreel

• Mal: "Ya'll were watching, I take it?"
  All: "Yes."
  Mal: "Did you see us fight?"
  Kaylee: "No."
  Mal: "TRAP!"
  Serenity gagreel

• Mal: "Then you shut 'em and you hide until I get back."
  Zoe: "We have to...shit."
  Mal: "There's a bathroom as we were coming in."
  Zoe: "Right now! We have to shit."
  Serenity gagreel

• Mal: "Would you turn? Would you turn?!"
  Wash: "Do you wanna fly this thing?"
  Mal: "Would you pull over?!"
  Wash: "I will pull over this spaceship right now. Dammit, I don't need a back spaceship driver!"
  Mal: "Get out of the waaay!"
  Wash: "Alright, that's it! You wanna fly? Fuckin' fly!"
  Serenity gagreel

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